you used to make me feel
like i was unstoppable
floating
soaring
higher than the rest of the world
on wings you gave me.

now
i feel weighted
heavy
flightless
i reach out to you
my heart
on a string
you cut it.

every time
it falls
breaks
shatters
a million pieces.

but this time
maybe things will be different
this time you will look at me
those eyes
so many feelings
you will say something
new.

it's the things you don't say that hurt me the most

not knowing tears me apart

the silence is disturbed by the beating of my heart

which races with each passing moment that you keep your lips sealed

it drives me crazy and it makes me question

what did i do wrong?

but no answer is found

all that is left is a fake smile to fool the world

when in reality I am not okay..

i don't know what I'm trying to say

i really wish it didn't have to be this way...

When I watch movies alone,
sometimes
even something just
mildly sad
makes me cry.

Something that would
make others give
an empathetic nod
or let out an
exasperated sigh
makes me
weep.

I chalk it up to
good writing, good
acting.
Character attachment is
so important.

But really, it
just feels good
to have a reason to
sob like that.

Salty tears and
bitter groans,
go down just a little bit
sweeter
when a sad scene in a movie
justifies their
unsavory appearance.

I used to do things, you know,
with my time.
I used to read;
books, sometimes magazines.

I used to garden.
(Can you imagine?)
I planted tomatoes
and an aloe plant, some flowers.

I used to write, on occasion
mostly short stories
and some essays
here and there.

I liked to cook
and not just scrambled eggs,
(though you always liked my scrambled eggs)
but whole meals
and bake too.

I used to do things, you know
before you.

I'll *******,
If you want.
Cause I want it
Just as bad as you do.
But I also want to hear the rustle of the sheets
When you turn over in the middle of the night.
I want to feel your hot breath on my neck.
I want the stubble on your chin to graze my cheek
As you kiss me gently on the forehead.
And when I whisper "goodnight," you don't have to reply.
Just nudge me with your knee
Or poke me with your elbow.