you did, all across the hallway
on the bathroom floor
and on the glass shower door
eye shadows flooded like the money
in your bank account baby

fake love hip swing under palm trees
land of milk and honeys
you did, yeah, that's how american women do it
it's what makes you human
it's what makes you beautiful

vulnerable, lost, all over the internet
and you did it for a BSN
all the while they tell you you're beautiful

three chord-ed pop song
like still afloat
i'm high and i'm free
spending all of my money
on gucci and designer
look like i'm rich to feel better
millennial cry for help
american dreams are easier
to chase if i stay asleep

our quiet rooms
compartmentalized
like louis vuitton
to basic calvin kliens
secretly living the best
of our lives
under the stars
and each other’s tired eyes

stone cold killa
knockin' fellas off
they feet, ****** on the bay
writing poetry and
pushing bodies in the lake

she's a killa, man
get off on false promises
of commitment
no 5-o's, no weapon clues
no witness

i'm dead broke
i'm her next target
spending money on happiness
a poem like a wandering outlaw
us, causing sinister stares under the sunset

in the cloister, we had coffee
talking something about the soul
today in the cold but sunlit court
with a good girlfriend of mine
is when it struck me:

a pretty Christian girl kind of day
before me, a butterfly kind of day
winging the dark fantasies away
start obeying and getting good habits
would have stayed had i any money
to get the rest of my college degree
kind of day

filling your heart with my replacements
to match my false interpretations
of your expectations of me

river in the joyful times
river in the elegiac
you give and take away
in your eloquent tongue

wagon, sunlight, lawn chair
subtle victories that make me smile
breathe and melt inside arms
that hold tight to the lapidary

memories that stud themselves
in my brain and the photos
not being old enough to go to the festival
interrupted, the soft fall into the river

America, she bleeds for a full week
fireworks, freedom, long sighs and holy nights
spend days with the couchless and meek
then light one up, sink between in her thick thighs

underage trickery, plastic cards
and daddies to sneak in clubs
lauv on the radio and fake love throbbing hard
forget ancient grudges, clean cars with new suds

party again, launching fire in the sky
avoid the cops and pray salvation
don't come around too soon, twilight and the sea
bug guts on my screen, drinking, repeat until the sun's return

want to throw ya in designers
tear the streets up, just you and me
you know what i'm thinking
go to bed wearing your white tee

our loving's like super bae though
hearts been broken before
and our feet's kind of sore
losing control, shades of grey

blind against the world, rainbow casting
its ghost across the cloudy sky's sweep
how can we leap when we limping?
how can we laugh when we weep?

only together, dont tell ya friends
i have a soft spot in my insides for you

never understood some phrases, like,

“If you can’t accept me at my worst
then you can’t have me at my best.”

or maybe

“I’m just out here trying to find myself
through other people.”

in the wild grass of summertime
madness I found me through me
and settling at my worst
is what takes the human out of me

a ghost white fluffy fluff **** ball of fur
kneading on my thigh
want to smack it and knock it off
but it’s purring and it’s warm

my friends have the cute
meow meow meows
and feeds it a lot so I pet the kitty
when I’d rather fall asleep or pet you

Soon, it jumps off the bed
presumably to race up and down
the stairs at night, watch the ghost
floof away— its fur hiding its legs
and looking like a hovering white cloth

laugh at the spring
of an innermost bud
sweep into drunkenness
an insensitive buzz
couch surfing hymns

state to state, you in your
least excellent of clothes
still steals the breath away
from the shiniest worn by most
best friends for life, safe from him

nightgown floors
episodic
pulses in knots
spread your pink punk drama
like the blossoms on the streets
china town
red lights
i bite off more than i can take

drinking all night,
watching a soulless reptile
talk about his company
and trying to sell a sea of nerds
overpriced videogames
drinking all night on some ***** LA heat

i’m a bad baby, a wet pussycat
that does a whole lot of meowing
nobody left to blame, a goodbye loser

love me, hate me, be my bruiser
classy lady, i’m unruly you can tie me
up and school me just don’t try to save me

and i parted ways with bad friends
if tomorrow comes then what’s good
don’t be afraid to laugh at my expense

take the feelings away from me
put them all in a ***
stir them into a stew and eat them

where do you want to hang
have u tied the knot
on your favorite tree

hope ya chose right and tight
because there’s no one left
to see you burn

i think im being gaslighted
‘cause i can’t remember why i
feel this disgusted with myself
whenever i’m around you

lately i stopped believing in the magic
of being disobedient of other’s rules
every time there’s pieces of my
belongings scattered and hidden

you with a knife ridge smile
and no sign of grieving for the waves
you stole away from me
i need to run away but i don’t know how

with respect to your hair man
play with it, been living large
so you ain't got time to cut it
put it in a ponytail that puts mine to shame

it's a little weird talking about your hair
seagulls make a birds nest on it
it's a hair song, sing songs along the cold air
picasso paint it well, redoing the blue three hundred times

police pull ya over because of it
sometimes ya skin color makes it knappy
like the way it settles on my blue jeans
when you rest your head on my lappy

i’m a kitty cat, a minx,
a playful mistress
your enigma, the sphinx
and my fur’s wet

****** into water,
trying to escape the rain
or the plunge,
happiness is a stain

the more ya pet me
the more i bite
the more you pick me up
the more my tail twitches in spite

if today you drop me
i’ll love you
but if today you love me
i’ll hate you

out the trap into a brand new audi
says A class stuff like
i like my men and my drugs white
but don’t project on me

even if she still was in there
she’d still be owning it
devotion is a sin, she’s hunting but she’s
not hungry

stop that.
curtailing the rewards of love
around the softness forming on her face
upon the news, you've broken up
and there's not a chance
of feeling any contrition
because you're all about yourself
most of the time, anyways.

She, wrapped in light and acceptance.
you, in the dark, smelling of bark and river
overnight.

thinking of Her again
stop that.

expecting the ride of a lifetime
hype guy with the pimped out kith jeans
and the shoes that cost god knows what
but he pulls me off of him so he can
carefully unlace them, while i get drier
than a desert waiting for him

like, ***?
show up in sweats and a hoodie so i can
steal it next time, man

owoo! girl touch me, pop me
some more of that bubbly
don’t you need me, want me
some more of that body

that song’s gotten pretty stuck
in my head and with pen and paper
i get a little obnoxious but don’t
you love it when i do?

bananas, bananas, yeah, let’s
b-a-n-a-n-a-s, go bananas, go ballistic
bet you’d like to see me eat a banana

the sun is an orange but my mind’s
already gone fruity, tuesdays and wednesday
are for the stuff i didn’t do on monday

crunch time, getting to my job
is kinda difficult without a car or a bike
and they know i’m too bananas
to drive or ride either

my life is hella fun right now
you like to sing in the shower
while i try to cook food in the kitchen
mornings are great, leftovers are greater
and you want some, you always want
some in the morning
and i feel the breeze for the first time

people say i'm weird but hey
i'm from ohio
and everyone is weird here
go outside and forget to wear some pants
but i rock plaid got two more
weeks til i’m off probation
been writing too long and now i’m
saying just don’t mess things up

Ooo! Wee!

Ya got it on my armpit and hair
from my belly, I think you sings it from an egg
the push and pull, the truth and dare
rain-bead pearled in cloudlight bed
was it something I said? Or touched?

All my ex liked to talk about is ***
and wild intricacies like wow, buddy
I'm right here kinda spunky and funny
but his receptacle and receptacle-ees
aren't that interesting to me

it’s real and thick, like, jiggly
tingly and tasty— i said baby i’m
not made for much but giggling
and i can make your night
haven’t spoken since i was out on bond
but you’re super cute more than i
envisioned and you’re good at makeup

makes my feelings all kinds of wiggly
days lost in green oblivion
like a prison weight lugged around
do you remember when you were
with me all skinny and brittle *****?

she’s blazing ease
young summer, things
are kinda difficult
when i don’t know how to drive
says he likes my body
and i don’t know how to feel
when i don’t see my body
the same way he does

odd serendipities
the sun stupefying, thick grass
tangles beneath our thighs
and our ceiling is the sky
adrift in a reverie
but it feels so strange
sunday uncanny
playing around with odd satisfaction

Start a phase
call it don’t tell Dave
she shows me the way
and puts on a show

it’s the way she combs
my hair
it’s the way she leaves
her makeup near my boyfriend’s
computer watching them tutorials
on youtube

orange and artificial
bright eyes
how i wish i could
be just like you
hate me for something
just

don’t tell Dave
that my cartharsis comes from
the sparks of her loving hands
it’s the way that i lie awake
lying and the way she moves

(what the hell is an incel)

the media portrays one loser outcast
as every man, as if man is one
big-*** monolithic hivemind
spewing their loser germs everywhere

think we got too much time on our hands
at the checkpoint, selfies on various
landmark celebrating the evil dead
as the hero for the living, graffiti

I look good in leather, also I look
lovely in the blood of my enemies
the hate a multifaceted gem
in the cavern of my  predatory eyes

Would love you to join me in the unit
the machine’s got to roll until Friday
and then we can hatch our evil scheme
man I think I have too much time
on my hands

i was beefing with another girl
in a two year old inconsistent blip
summer by summer, mad then silent
churning of the rapid water hourly

get nothing done at all, but fall into
a rotation without a darker cause
simply forgetting what it was
exactly that started it

whatever was curved
around the dusky breeze, bro
overtook the over the shoulder look
vortexes into a lazy bubbly whirl
in the lake we would hang out by

i’ll come around if you do
but we don’t talk
like we used to on the way
to the supermarket
but i’m on my way
to the “lost and free as i could be
me”

it’s as all i’m meant to be
supposes me, supposes you.

Fell in love last friday
with a non-binary star
woke up and brushed my teeth
with sunglasses on thinking
of them

white shots of hail and the windows
jeweled from the rain
a hot week and hot nights
followed by a hot star
and sheets of rains from grey clouds
changing

a pinprick, a spider crawling
down your spine raises the hairs
on your neck, itsy bitsy details
matter and questioning reality
as it stands when no one else is

oh ya mans, fight the power
the peace from within don’t come
from a god-lord-thing shoving us into
a box and no facebook can ever
hold me back

got too many reals, i just want to feel
too many outfits for the places i go
gold like an arrow to praise the nights
coming through the green-yellow days
dauntless and swift

want to flex like a child—
here comes the trail
and the feels that feel real
sit out in a tank top
for the inner freedom til the sun
spears the ocean and the moon rises
this blasting heat is the way April
wants to leave us

you didn't quite break me in two yet
the slow nights walking around
you not taking me out on dates
never bothered me at all

hope you're not
giving the memories away to the birds
my hair is getting too long, been living lately
the shoes at the door, i'm running outside barefoot
you say i look fine
and everything is so simple around you
i wonder where to give your love away
because there's still a part of me that feels for you

had my birthday last year, the worst day of my life
probation over dumb things
picked up poetry, you say you love it
alone in the house without you

slate sleepy streets wet
you make like a wizard
funny feelings from your fairy dust

is the wild prospect of
misinterpretations making you hard
for me like your fear of my flirt

gets me turned on?
these warm shadows sail
dumb conversations at a coffee shop
the core of you is warm and i am cold

i want to eat you
let no one else have you
tie you to my bedpost
and leave the house for the whole day

uneventful day graces
what might one say when all
the cookies are gone
make merry with marrow narrowness

the slave’s in my bedroom with
window blinds open for all to see
in shocking stark gestures
and through showering trees

my dear, where has all the poetry gone
i might answer, where the cookies
and love went, the stubbornness
of push and shove, you speak when i say you can

beg when i want you to

when the sun burns my skinny
skin off and there's nothing but
the heart beating for all to watch
the fingerprints you leave on me
compliments like poison, an agent
of all my sighs, eyes sore from first moving

quit treating me like a girl
with all your sentimental online messages
like you're afraid to touch my bones
mysteries too cheap to come by
wings to thin and fragile to fly with
holding on til July

because my sanity's getting loose

funny how it's always
been about you

the wind's through the larynx
of a world raging without us
the song's making us weep

the stage too hard to cast our swag on
fingers to shaky to turn the page

i've been kicking it with a friend
the undertone of sinister elegance
of age - the vanishing of what used to be

Friday is for fry yays, queer guys
coming at me with the gold heart
and smooth, skin tender intentions
I’d rather call all my friends

and sit around being poor and pretty
at a park

Spent all my money on comfy camo clothes
Diors and Docs
and none of them have pockets
for you

would’ve spent it trying to get to you, get me out the friendzone
but i’m good, the gleam
of spring rain incites the wetness
and half drear to outshine

but i’m doing me and making each day
mine

no i can’t change you or her
God’s wrath is disillusioning you
from hearing yourself or me
or all death’s friends

you think you can fix her
a thousand times like each plate
she’s thrown at you and each fist
she’s swung at you

and i’m telling you God won’t remember
the woman that she used to be
and the counselors won’t help you or her
but you’re a fixer man

can’t fix your back from that one time
she hit it with your old baseball bat
but you’ll fix her one day, right?

day long meaningless
the monday machine rolls
i like the way the sun is
and it’s cold out and it’s raining

something assails the daybreak
fluttering in the chutes
abstraction in the boring monotony

wispy, hazy and ambivalent
by you, wondering what you’ll do next
while i wait for the mystery
to open up in the swirled world

got a lovely tatty on ya left leggy
got no motivation or inspiration
but that *** needs lotsa smackin'
or maybe mine does, red from your hands

bittercress amongst the flowers outdoors
warding dancing birdflit
of people friendly pudgy pigeons
man i hate the birds, the people

singing their arias, their liturgy
feeling like they know somebody
in the canon, me in the sheets listening
to their rumors, trying to break our secret

wanna twist and shout
fist and clout
the silent wrestle
a lapse of consciousness
bereft of science
and hard as metal

black and blue
***** girl, ***** pronoun game
strewing the fate in a storm
of words strung like wire

what do you want?
don’t call me like a woman
and don’t call me one either
you don’t got any other way
to communicate

it’s blame it on anything you don’t got
close the chapter and the verse
with a love curse
an empty ball and chain
because it’s all you and no me

i remember
gettin' kinkykinky in the backseat
while your friend drives
illumined shoulderblades in the dimmers
your step daddy doesn't have much
say in us running away since you're 18

your mommy never loved me
and how i don't normally fit in things

told me you'd be going to school
in Kirtland, but i'm missing out
on how thick you're getting
for the waving tiers of succulence
belting in your stomach
profusion of feelings confusing your tongue

Love me some more
pour your heart and i’ll pour in mine
you live near an airport
and i hear the low laboring growl
of some jets casting shadows over our heads

in bed with you in the afternoon
smearing the pink sunset
our low hanging blood keeping us
sleepy seedy and awaiting the frosty night
to come again
love me some more

let the gusts do their dance through
the windows
and let the towers of today fall

feeling kind of fruity
touch your skin up and down
kind of silly funny
breathing waving fanning
panting pajamas on the floor
*** and then talking about pokemon
and programming all at the same time
what a helluva time to keep the tumor
of existence lowkey

scooping blood instead of depression
out of my heart whenever i check
why im feeling so giddy

i want to wrap my legs around you
be your necklace of white
jewels and sheets that smell of perfume

you know i don’t do the pronouns
i’m full of myself when i want to be
full of you in the light of moondark night

contrasting, my ego is the ring around
your finger that does not belong to me
so whispers you, “wait until August, love

when she leaves again.”

fell into a hole of myself--
i know too much

a bag of cheetos in an ill-fitting suit
runs the country - made the mistake

of reading what it had to say
awhile ago

all in the stirring of a feather
my ego, my ignorance

smattering albiet aggressively in an annoying
aggregate, dog-bark bird-squacking

grating my effing ears
these 7am mornings

(you do you, baby boo, i know moms
who rather write poetry and spend five
bucks on their kids’ mouths lolol)

always the act of forgetting the people
behind the screen, when you blame me
like mingling with lanceheaded dreams

delivering pointless blows spelling it
like im incomplete unless i bring all of
myself to the table alone

& the room’s clean, and the kitchen’s clean
the birds sing and the sunlight’s cold and bright
seems like everything’s where it’s supposed
to be when you’re not around

now what a paradox that is