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the day is upon me when i will truly leave.
i’m leaving life, as i know it and i am thankful for that.
goodbye and good riddance, with all sincerity in my heart, i mean that.
for some odd reason, there is but one person that i am very sore about leaving and she and i have already left each other multiple times.
she’s nowhere near me and that’s ok.
if i walk toward the sun, i’ll crisp and live.
if i swim toward the arctic, i’ll freeze.
when i love, i will know, i will give.
i am a path and i will walk myself.
it is never easy, but it is truth.
godspeed.
four years ago
my freshman year
i met a boy with dark blue eyes
who added me on myspace
and chatted with me on aim

he didn't really speak to me
or ask me any questions
he only knew what he did
because i talk so much

and somehow
we started dating
which i still don't understand why
because after the first week
i had a feeling in my gut
that i would regret this
in the long run.

we felt the high
and the ecstasy of first love
along with first everything else
including betrayal and agony
the only kind you can feel
when someone you thought
you love does something so
so awful to you.

the first winter we were happy
i think and we made plans for next year
that we broke the majority of
and in the summer we made promises
some that i shouldn't have

a year had passed
and i thought i would
be spending a few more with him
but that winter
i learned that love can grow cold
and freeze over

maybe i had changed too much
or it was him belittling me
telling me that everything i liked
was childish
and a waste of time.

the next year
i had decided that
that would be all i would put up with
i did not deserve this grief
or to be told that
i was too easy.

a friend that morning
had spoken with me and him
and walked with us through the halls
of the beginning of our junior year
and when we were alone
the friend said to me
'your eyes look so dead'

and i will never
forget those words
or forget
his cries on the phone
that night
when i finally
set myself
free
Once I spoke the language of the flowers,
Once I understood each word the caterpillar said,
Once I smiled in secret at the gossip of the starlings,
And shared a conversation with the housefly
in my bed.
Once I heard and answered all the questions
of the crickets,
And joined the crying of each falling dying
flake of snow,
Once I spoke the language of the flowers. . . .
How did it go?
How did it go?
a photo of
October..
suggests colors of
Our breathing..
an exhalation
as creation seen..
the rainbow
prismatic surprises of
metaphor and promise..
and now
Especially now
in October
colors glow
in dying...
I'm clinging to hope
like I'm clinging
to hospital bed sheets.
Scared. frustrated. Tired.

Counting the naps,
beautiful demonstrations
of death.

Counting the kisses
pouring off your lips
like ballots on election day.
pocketed shelter of grass, bordered with my
legs belongs to your
uninhabited region.
And I lull a song down the street because
I feel your clammy hand in my own and
Press against it because my own affection
for you
is as strong as pain and you must
feel it
Hey, I miss you
How've you been
I've been missing you like crazy
It was my birthday recently
And you didn't call
Then again, I've never called you up
On your birthday either
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you
Where have you been
What've you been upto
Any new people that I should know about
I wish that our relationship was that easy
Gods, if only it were

I punch at these walls, till my knuckles
Are bruised, the nerves below straining
The skin peeling, my hands stinging
I want to punch them till they fall
And you can see the things that make me Me
I wish I could reveal my scars to you
I wish I knew for certain you wouldn't
Never, ever, would you, give them away
To anyone else, laugh about them
Don't hear me, don't see the tears
Pooling in my eyes

All I want to do is let you know
How much I really treasure
Your companionship, your warmth
Your sardonic comments, thorny opinions
That let me know you care
How can anything be perfect if you aren't here
I ignore perfection, hoping to be content
With mediocrity instead
Why aren't you here? Right here
Where I need you, when I need you

It has been ages since we met
I am forgetting your eyes, your smile
I really want to sit next to you
Listen to you talk the night away
About trivialities, then a little while
Later, I want to tell you about school
That horrible ***** who was mean to me
Tell you how betrayed I feel
How lonely I really am
How these walls defeat me each time

As I blink away my tears,
My voice hitches
I can imagine you patting me on my back
Politely, nicely
Saying that it'll be fine, it is only a matter
Of a few more years, that I should remain strong
If you knew how I looked up to you,
Would you be scared?
Don't be, please just don't be

You live a thousand miles away
There's no way you can let me down
You can't let me down
Which is why I trust in your image
Not you, your image
I wish I could share my cynicism
With the person built up in your image
Have them react as I imagine them to

Maybe, they'll lean over for a hug or two
But it won't matter because it'll never be true
The walls will stay up
Despite my punches and if I told them to anyone
They'd just feel awkward knowing someone
Stripped of their barriers
They'd take advantage, laugh it off
Laugh me, my troubles off as
The ramblings of a fool,
An Anonymous Joker

I wish for your reflection in a mirror,
The person built up in your image
Wish I could tell you of the dark
Dark thoughts that linger
Sometimes past nighttime
Talking about crimson dreams
Blades, knives and high buildings
I wish I could confide in you
And I'd gain strength from
Your confidence in me
Telling me dawn will come soon
I wish I could call you up at three
Desperately gasp out whichever nightmare
Woke me up this time

Yet I make do with rubbing my face
Nearly peeling the skin off
With cold water and soap
I rub at my eyes frantically
Waiting for the tears to stop
I avoid looking in the mirrors
Avoid seeing my reflection,
Which features in most of my nightmares

I just wish I could talk to you
A mirror image of you
Quietly, silently
Maybe just a sentence or two from you
It would calm me down
Lord knows, one sentence said by you
Left running in my head
For over half a year,
Gave me inspiration, strength
To live on, fight on, keep smiling
Through the day, everyday
People looking at me and wondering
Whether I'd heard about the latest
Hot gossip about me, questioning
My ideals, my morals, my goals
I wish, I wish, I wish

But it's alright
I'll be strong
I'll converse with my mirror image,
My reflection till you return
Give me another phrase to gain from
(I sound needy, don't I?)
I'll talk to it quietly because I know
Despite the blurred outline,
Sharp edges, and little cracks
My reflection understands more about me
My inner desires, than I do
An anonymous reflection
For an anonymous personality
Can there be anything more justifiable?
I suggest that you don't really look at the title for this one. Couldn't think of anything better.
http://zenpencils.com/comic/74-clive-barker-fearful-things/
Just found the above link. Not mine, obviously. But I thought it suited the poem. :P
Ah, today I was called to do
the saddest thing:
an old couple had died
in a car accident
and it was my job
as their executor
to open their separate wills
and fulfill their wishes
and the other lawyers stood around
moaning: Aren’t they the divinest couple ever?
40 years together and they died together


And I read their wills, and the Old Man's said:
This I crave be inscribed on my wife’s grave:
Cold As Ever

And in her will, the Old Woman said:
*This I crave be inscribed on my husband’s grave:
At Last, Stiff Like Never
...another in my series of poems based on existing jokes...I do find this an exciting and challenging exercise, transforming a joke into verse, for a joke in prose online or even a joke that we might exchange at a pub or a social function seems suddenly to have other dimensions in verse...they're not quite the same...
I don't remember when, exactly,
But
I do remember it was during those hours
When the sun stretches and spreads it soft light over the sky,
kissing the grass and brushing its golden fingertips over the rooftops;
During the hours when the cool wind gently blows on your face,
telling you it's time to be alive again.

It was at that time I remembered,
A rare moment, really,
Since memories are so easily forgotten just as they are made.
They search every nook and cranny,
Looking for a place
To stay
And stay forever,
Maybe.

On that morning,
Everything came back.
Eyes widened
Mind whirled
And heart stirred
At a memory
I never knew existed.
A memory that had found its way home

I remembered, clearly,
Wind so crisp and cold
The air snapped with the chill.
I remembered, clearly,
Leaves wrapped in dresses of scarlet and gold,
Dancing in the breeze.
I remembered, clearly,
Carpets, soft under my toes,

warm in color and warm in feel.
I remembered, clearly,
Roads blanketed in white
And the earth's heartbeat, slow and steady, asleep soundly.

But the memory ended too soon,
For the taste had passed.
I shoveled in spoonful after spoonful of oatmeal,
sweetened with powdered milk and brown sugar,
Hoping the familiar flavor would come back,
So I could remember again.
Memory's a funny thing,
Because it left its home,
Opened the door,
And traveled down the road.
Never to return again,
Maybe.

For now,
I will try my best to remember.
For who knows?
Memory's a funny thing.
I might even find
The fresh smell of spring and the taste of steamed pilmeni again
In a nice, warm bowl of oatmeal.
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