Sitting
Watching the rain fall down
The soft cushions I sit on absorb me
My eyes track the glistening drops that
Race down the glass in front of me
My breath fogs on the window
Looking down on it, it reflects a rainbow

Something that on another day
I would find beautiful
Any other day

My hand opens and closes still empty
My other rests in my hair

The cracked cement darkens with the rain
Glistening and reflecting the golden foliage above
One large puddle in the middle of the street
Holds a sun above treetops
On the ground below their trunks

The sun is clear as it often is in the mornings
Like a glass of water, cool, crisp and transparent
Despite the rain
No children run in the streets
Puddles left unsplashed
One tricycle sits
Yellow and red plastic too wet to sit on
A shoe floats in a puddle
Pink laces fray pink leather fades

The room I sit in is almost silent
My heartbeats and a shallow breath
This is the loudest room in the house

Diamonds and squares of light
Spill farther into the room as the sun rises
A gently tipping bucket of stained glass
My body is exhausted
The calm after a storm
Sadness soothing muscles clenched from anger the night before
Breathe in
Breathe out
Steady slow
My tears slow
Stop
And dry


Warm memories
Laying in the grass
Sun glancing off my freckles
What’s not to smile about?

But sitting in a dark room with the lights off
Simply because no one is here would need them on
But me
Not quite as warm

But in the darkness
Other senses flourish
Music is that much more beautiful
Textures have more vibrancy than before
So while that dark is a reminder of being alone
It’s a way to better experience that moment
A better way to see the person who is in the room

You aren’t alone when your with you
And that dim light makes you hear your heart beat
Feel every fiber of your hair

You are perfect
Perfection with flaws
Like home cooked food or handmade art

I stand up from those cushions
I run my fingers through my unbrushed hair
And see that I need to stop looking at that window

I need to stop waiting for something
And start doing something

I want to live in the woods
Immersed deeply
In solitude and estrangement
From all who know my face and voice
A man, unknown
Even to those who once thought
They knew

I take comfort in time
And the nature by which it exists and operates
I'm in love with the idea
That the past knows it's place
And that the future is deaf, blind and dumb
I am the one who gives it everything
Sight, sound, speech
Life

While I can't
At this very moment
Give myself the gift
Of solitude
Of anonymity
I am not confused
I am not worried
I am past those hellish thoughts and hopes
I now just sit
In the bright lights
Throbbing red on the radar
Contemplating which
To grant it first
Which to focus on
Or if I should
Grant it anything

She was just a girl; like all the others
But on the inside, there was something about her that no one else could see
She hid it so well, her face a perfect mask of happiness
And none of her friends cared enough to question her false laugh

You see, this girl was slowly dying
Perhaps not physically; she had no known disease
But there was something, something in the way she broke down at night when she was alone
And how she clutched at her chest as though there was some kind of invisible hole...
A hole that threatened to open up and tear her apart
Leaving her with nothing...
Nothing.

There was just something in the way her eyes looked
How if you glanced real close, you could see the sheer terror in them;
Just on the surface
Bubbling over until a single teardrop fell down her translucent face
Then another, and another.
Until these salty drops of water drown her in such a sorrowful way
Such a sorrowful yet beautiful way...

You see, this is what she becomes at night.
A girl, not unlike all the others...
Just another sad and beautiful soul
Falling apart.

Rain kisses the pavement
Cigarette burnt fingertips
Your warmth is god sent
I taste the salt on your lips

Black umbrellas line the streets
Clam chowder and baguette air
Like a child tucked beneath crisp sheets
Adoration the only stitch I wear

Pacific Ocean’s salt
Rain soaked cheeks
Coy, loving, exalted
We could’ve survived like this for weeks

she thought that when she closed her eyes the world would be better
she thought that good would fill the bad
that happiness would fill the sad
she thought that the world would glow with smiles

she thought that if she closed her eyes the hurt would be sweet
she thought that the beatings wouldn't bruise
that the names wouldn't sting
she thought that her lids would shield her from pain

she thought that imagination could overcome reality
she thought that if she told herself everything would be okay, it would
but her eyelids didn't shield her
and her words didn't heal her

and the world remained untouched
and the beatings still bruised up
and for the first time she saw
the ring of fire encircling us all

Opening up to Monday
I unwrapped myself from the duvet
Pasted my limbs to the floor
Slippers winked at me
Invitingly, I settled my feet into their snugness
As I stood, I was thankful that today
Is Monday, wonderful Monday
Free as a song bird to create
My own melody, a chorus of hurrah
I caught up with the shower
On hot house temperature
Scorching...I fumbled for the cool
Climate, turning it sufficiently to
Bathe and recycle myself
As I stroked the cat meowing
A feline opera, making her presence known
The outside world had a dismal feel
The window onto the day told me so
Yet, blue escorted the clouds
Pushing the doubting rain packages
To another realm
Introducing the blue yonder that
Had won the day
We all gathered up into the aroma
Of a new week, stretched our
Arms towards one another
I joined the links for a few hours
Tattooing their conversation into my
Subconscious indelibly
Unhooking ourselves we separated
Turning towards the duties of the day
Swiftly we deposited out parting gifts
Hugs
Kisses
Our best
Our loving wishes

When achieving your dream becomes anxiety and failure becomes guilt, remember: it is okay to leave the pressure to find the passion.

2. You cannot force yourself to love that boy, even if he is perfect. It will only break his heart.

3. When the right boy enters your life, he will be far from perfection: a beautiful blonde mess even your band teacher labels a bad idea.

4. It is easy to be seduced by a picture-perfect image of success.

5. It is impossible to stay practical and balanced when falling in love. Ignore your mother’s advice and let yourself be swept away.

6. A high school diploma represents more than hard work and passing grades: in those four years, you grew into someone you can be proud of.

7. Treasure the present instead of waiting for the future.

8. Don't forget to be yourself even when you are changing.

9. Sometimes, you explode. Do not stop yourself from experience all the ugly emotions.

10. Never rush recovery.

11. Expectations don't always understand that healing takes time.

12. Trust this: you will be okay.

Life is the hardest thing to love though it is the worthiest. Even on those days when the sickness blinds you, life is beautiful. Even on those days when the temptation of kitchen knives and the pill bottle on the second shelf of your mother’s medicine cabinet pull you to pluck your pulse in perfect pizzacto, you must let life remind you: you are worth it.

You've got scars on your wrists
Blood on your fists
You try to cover the hole
In your soul
By filling it with alcohol
Your smile has faded
As your heart becomes degraded
Darkness has followed you
Starvation has hollowed you
Life has become pointless
Faces are emotionless
No one cares enough to try
To help you when you cry
You're so full of grief
Death has become a relief
You welcome it
And it welcomes you.

You are finally free...
*Where is the humanity?