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Oct 2010 · 1.2k
Happy Anniversary
Larry B Oct 2010
She places little forget me nots
All throughtout the house
She tries to leave them everywhere
To be found by her loving spouse

Their twenty-first anniversary
Will be celebrated tonight
And she's found the perfect gift
To make the evening bright

Married out of high school
To the first man she ever dated
Her parents told her not to rush
And wished she would have waited

Her husband pulls in the driveway
As she watches her plan unfold
She hides out in the bedroom
Where he'll find his *** of gold

Her husband finds the note she left
As a smile crosses his face
He finds a second, then a third
As he moves from place to place

He makes his way to the bedroom
And finds his wife upon the bed
She asks him why he cheated on her
Then puts a bullet in his head

She walks quietly to the bathroom
And runs herself a bath
As she sits down in the water
She starts to smile then laugh

She reaches for the radio
And pulls it in the water
Sparks cover her body
And a picture of her daughter

The picture catches the curtains on fire
As the ceiling comes tumbling down
Happy anniversary the last note said
As the house burns to the ground
Oct 2010 · 385
Echoes in the Darkness
Larry B Oct 2010
It echoes in the darkness
A silent sound that's heard
Its pain cries out in agony
Without ever speaking a word

This sound is too familiar
It's known by one and all
Nothing can keep it silent
It's perfect without a flaw

The effect it has is lasting
For all of those who hear
It can even be contagious
If someone is standing near

Its sound can even be blinding
As it brings us all to tears
For some it lasts for a couple of days
While others it can last for years

No one can ever escape it
It's destined right from the start
At least once in our life, everyone will hear
The sound of a broken heart
Oct 2010 · 1.0k
Everybody Cries
Larry B Oct 2010
Did you know that every teardrop
Has it's own story to tell
Sometimes of a love gone bad
Or a heartfelt sad farewell

Sometimes, we cry tears of joy
Or even tears in pain
And sometimes, on our pillows,
Our tears will leave a stain

We've cried tears of sadness
Or when smoke gets in our eyes
Sometimes, it's a broken heart
Or when a loved one dies

Sometimes, we laugh so hard
Our eyes will flood with tears
Tears can have a healing power
That will even calm our fears

Sometimes, when we're crying,
We'll wear a thin disguise
But you don't have to hide your tears
For everybody cries
Oct 2010 · 392
Voices of Heartbreak
Larry B Oct 2010
Can anybody hear these voices?
They keep calling out my name
One voice calls himself loneliness
Another, is calling himself blame

I no longer hear my heartbeat
These voices keep clouding my mind
I keep looking for a happy ending
But it seems that it's too hard to find

I can no longer see a tomorrow
The past keeps getting in the way
Regret keeps blocking my vision
I'm stuck in a revolving today

Am I the only one who can hear them?
Rejection keeps shouting outloud
I can't think with all of these voices
I need to get rid of this crowd

Denial keeps shouting my innocence
I don't know how much more I can take
Somehow this seems so familiar
The voices of another heartbreak
Oct 2010 · 1.1k
Morning Breath
Larry B Oct 2010
I wake up every morning
To stare in the face of death
I love my wife with all my heart
But not her morning breath

I put tic tacs under her pillow
And even a bottle of scope
But do you think she'll ever take a hint
Well I'm guessing probably nope

I'd swear that woman eats road ****
Or something crawled in her mouth and died
When she puckers her lips to give me a kiss
I look for a place to hide

The dog won't lick his **** anymore
He licks her mouth instead
Don't ever tell her I wrote this
If you do I'm as good as dead

Okay, you know I'm only kidding
I'm not really being mean
But you know what I got her for Christmas
Yep, a bottle of listerine
Oct 2010 · 1.6k
Blonde Chick's Appetite
Larry B Oct 2010
You've heard the story of Goldilocks
And the bears that chased her away
But now it's time to tell the truth
'Cause it didn't really happen that way

Goldilocks weighed four hundred pounds
She'd eat anything in sight
And It didn't matter what it was
She still had to have one bite

The whole town knew of her appetite
So they locked their food in storage
And that just left those poor little bears
Who was just trying to cool their porridge

Now she could smell food a mile away
For she had an amazing snout
But she waited to make certain
Those bears had ventured out

She didn't just break one of those chairs
She actually broke all three
Remember, she weighed four hundred pounds,
And was as fat as she could be?

Well, she ate up all their porridge
And anything else she could find
Ofcourse that made her sleepy
With only one thing on her mind

She wandered into the bedroom
And broke each one of their beds
So she curled up on the floor to sleep
With three pillows under her head

While she slept, those bears came home
And they were as hungry as could be
Did I mention she broke the remote control
To the bear's big screen tv?

Anyway, the bears had finally had it
That's all that they could take
In their rage they didn't notice
That goldilocks was now awake

So they trapped her in the corner
And were poised for the attack
But goldilocks was still hungry
And was looking for a snack

Needless to say she ate those bears
I know this story seems crude
But I'm just trying to warn you all
To make sure you hide your food
Larry B Oct 2010
Alone, I ponder my lost condition
Led astray by the son of perdition
Right or wrong will no longer have meaning
Things that I do, forever demeaning

The faint stench of sulfer now fills the air
Haunted by his eyes, his hellacious stare
His laughter mocks me as he claims his prize
The veins on his face are filled with his lies

Tempted, I stoop to a whole new level
Fooled by his voice, I follow the devil
The enchanting smile that covers his face
Now holds me captive, I fall in disgrace

My will now broken, I have no control
For he holds the strings, his puppet, my soul
Oct 2010 · 503
The Man in the Window
Larry B Oct 2010
He crawled thru our window
A man with no hair
Standing four feet tall
Every night he was there

We moved to this house
Not knowing of its lore
Not hearing of the evil
That lurked there before

A ****** took place
By a man and his mother
A sibling was killed
He stabbed his own brother

He would walk to our bed
Night after night
With evil in his eyes
And our hearts filled with fright

In a lab coat of white
And blood on his chest
He told us he'd **** us
For this was his quest

Only in this room
Would he always appear
To fill me and my brothers
With breathtaking fear

When we moved to another
The room would be clean
Neither mother or her son
Would ever be seen

My mother would tell us
It was only a dream
Til his mother she saw
With a blood curdling scream

The front door was locked
But like a phantom magician
She walked thru the walls
This ghostly apparition

She sit in a chair
And rocked while she laughed
My mother was paralyzed
By this witch and her craft

"You can't move can you dear?"
The woman replied
She said the death smell was sickening
From this woman who'd died

In the middle of the night
Doors would open then close
Who's coming and going?
None of us knows

The neighbors all knew
Of the things that occured
But all were too scared
To utter a word

My father would sit
By our bedside each night
Til we all fell asleep
Then turn out the light

This story is true
I was six years old
The house is still standing
And the story still told

Each Halloween season
This house will appear
In our towns local newspaper
To fill us with fear

Though now it stands empty
Many families passed thru
And all will attest
That what I've told you, is true
Oct 2010 · 397
No Cure
Larry B Oct 2010
A disease I've found that can't be cured
Contagious, to one and all
Your knees grow weak, your speech is slurred
Some say you even fall

It will rob you of all your memories
You can't even remember your name
Though some don't take it seriously
And been known to call it a game

It will cause you to do things you just don't do
It will literally control your mind
It can even cause you to lose your sleep
A disease that makes you blind

It will cause you to lose your appetite
Your food won't taste the same
You'll wonder why you just can't eat
This disease is surely the blame

Well, maybe by now you've figured it out
This disease I'm speaking of
The only sickness that has no cure
Is the one that we call Love
Oct 2010 · 481
In my Shadow
Larry B Oct 2010
In my shadow stands the best of who I am
A part of me that I am proud to be
He follows me everywhere I go
And says he wants to grow to be like me

In my shadow stands the answer to all my dreams
A part of me that's learned from my mistakes
And as he watches everything I do
He doesn't know what a better me he makes

In my shadow stands a blessing from above
A part of me that makes me want to live
To let him know exactly how I feel
And show him all the love I have to give

In my shadow stands my beginning and my end
A part of me that I want the world to see
He tries his best to be the best he can
To be the man that he is sure to be

In my shadow stands the reason I am me
A part of me that fills my heart with joy
One day soon when he fills his daddy's shoes
He'll become the shadow for his little boy
Oct 2010 · 557
Destiny
Larry B Oct 2010
Has anyone seen my destiny?
Some might call it fate
The future me, I long to see
And I don't want to wait

Who will I be tomorrow?
Will I see things differently?
Or on that day, am I sorry to say,
I'm someone I don't want to be?

Where's that magic mirror,
That knows of future things?
Will it show, what I want to know,
Of what tomorrow brings?

Will I be a man of honor?
Which path should I choose?
Will I roll the dice once or twice,
And soon find out I lose?

Has anyone seen my destiny?
Show me which road it takes
Will I choose to change and rearrange,
And learn from my mistakes?
Sep 2010 · 337
The You in Me
Larry B Sep 2010
Pieces of my imperfection
Lie hopelessly on display
The inner me I've come to know
Breaks a little more each day

The air I breathe is poison
Contaminated by my fear
Each breath I take, my lungs reject
Knowing you're not here

Loneliness invades my crippled mind
And deprives me of my sleep
The night, reserved for reflection
All the memories that I weep

I'm not whole without your smile
And your touch that says I'm real
An empty vessel cracked and worn
Too damaged to ever feel

The you in me gave me life
I was the lost that you had found
I was the one who died today
Though they laid you in the ground
Sep 2010 · 482
Poe's Diary
Larry B Sep 2010
The distant sounds of silent screams
Echo through my soul
A nightmare filled with broken dreams
That time cannot console

My helpless mind will not yield
To these voices that I hear
My captive thoughts have not revealed
The purpose of my fear

Loneliness mocks my very being
As time comes screeching to a halt
Blame hides my eyes from seeing
Insisting it's not my fault

They say I'm mad, mad indeed
They know nothing of my pain
There's no one here to intercede
So this madness must remain

They call me a poet, poet indeed
How is it they do not know?
Can't they see the words I bleed
I'm Edgar Allan Poe
Sep 2010 · 432
A Color That Has No Name
Larry B Sep 2010
This color is yet to get a name
Though most have seen its hues
For some this color is not yet known
For they've yet to pay their dues

There are no words to help describe
This color we carry inside
It's never seen the light of day
In darkness, it chooses to hide

Though many have tried to define it
None can comprehend
You need the light to see the colors
But the light cannot decend

Empty spaces and hollow dreams
Encompass its outer core
Shadows of what used to be
Block the only door

This color though it has no words
Will tear your world apart
A color that has no name
Is the color of a broken heart
Larry B Sep 2010
Born a legend, based on fact
The story of the blind woman's well
For she couldn't see the water's edge
And in the watery grave, she fell

When the moon shines full in the still of the night
You can still hear her mournful cries
She's begging for mercy from those in the light
From this place where her body lies

First blinded by darkness and then by revenge
She swore that she'd make them pay
She would take their children one by one
And in her watery grave they'd stay

For they knew that the woman went missing
But there were none who seemed to care
They had seen her bucket at the water's edge
But they chose to leave her there

She lured the children with promises of sweets
That this woman in the well had found
But when they would reach to claim their prize
She would hold them til they drowned

Twenty times two were the number of lives
Before the curse was finally broken
They filled in the well with tons of earth
To end those words she'd spoken

No more children would ever go missing
To their watery grave below
But in a well-shaped garden in the middle of town
Forty-one roses still grow
Sep 2010 · 832
The Mist
Larry B Sep 2010
There's something in the midnight mist
That comes this halloween
It happens every thirteen years
And hardly ever seen

A myth to some that don't believe
Until their children scream
While they sleep the mist will come
And haunt them while they dream

Where it comes from, no one knows
Perhaps, from dark and lonely places
The nightmare's real, it's plain to see
Upon their children's faces

They wake this night in utter terror
Unable to walk or speak
Paralyzed, they cannot move
No comfort can they seek

It's said the mist predicts their fate
In events that's yet to come
They cannot stop this night of dreams
Until they all succumb

This mist will come this halloween
And every thirteen years
It lasts until the sun comes up
Then simply disappears
Sep 2010 · 433
The Lover's Moon
Larry B Sep 2010
Two people sit alone at night
Underneath the lover's moon
Praying that this war will end
And to see each other soon

She knows he has to go away
For his country calls his name
She asks the Lord to keep him safe
As the early morning came

She waves goodbye one last time
As the tears fall from her eyes
Each time she sees the evening news
She hangs her head and cries

And then one sunday morning
A car pulls up outside
She falls to the floor an empty shell
Broken and lost inside

A widow sits alone at night
Underneath the lover's moon
Praying for God to take her home
To see her husband soon
Sep 2010 · 555
The Poet's Prayer
Larry B Sep 2010
Oh poet with your words so pure
Guide me with your lyrical tour
Touch my heart from deep within
Free my soul from binding sin

Lift me up above my pain
Wipe away this wretched stain
Cast your spell in magical verse
And free me from this hollow curse

Tempt me with your mornful cry
Let not this meaning pass me by
Lead me with your skillful hand
Entice me till I understand

Write your burden upon my mind
Open these eyes that once were blind
Let me share your liquid pain
As teardrops fall like endless rain

Teach me poet, all of your ways
And guide me through your heartfelt maze
May God bless all the words we share
As we recite this poet's prayer
Sep 2010 · 495
Welcome to My Heart
Larry B Sep 2010
Enter a land of shattered dreams
And cast aside desires
The gates are built on broken smiles
And promises made by liars

A place where love's not welcome
For it simply cannot be found
A land of crushed and hollow souls
And screams doesn't make a sound

A place where hope does not exist
And compassion cannot survive
Where second chances is just a myth
And pain and heartache thrive

A land where lakes are filled with tears
And memories once made, now lost
A bridge that leads to nowhere
With a void that can't be crossed

A place you've made with years of hurt
Your priceless work of art
An empty shell of a broken man
Welcome to my heart
Sep 2010 · 778
The Love Tree
Larry B Sep 2010
I carved our names in the old oak tree
Across from the old mill bridge
A testament of love that grew each day
Standing tall upon that ridge

They cut that oak tree down today
It's limbs were tired and worn
But they couldn't **** the memory I have
The place where love was born

I used to visit that old oak tree
Each night before I'd sleep
I'd run my fingers across it's bark
Where our names were carved so deep

That tree of love would touch the sky
Each morning when the sun would rise
I'd sit each day to pass the time
As the age grew in my eyes

Though now that tree is dead and gone
You will never be alone
For I've written our names side by side
But now it's written in stone
Sep 2010 · 660
The List
Larry B Sep 2010
My wife asked me to do the shopping
Then handed me a grocery list
It wasn't very big just some household stuff
And some other things that she had missed

"Piece of cake," I told my wife
And out the door I went
She yelled, "Don't forget to get a receipt,
So I can see how much you spent"

I got to the market and headed for the milk
It wasn't on the list per se
But being the man who knew what he wanted
I thought I'd get it anyway

Then I strolled on over to the frozen meat
And pick up some T-bone steaks
Again, the list didn't have it written down
Just another one of her mistakes

I had to get some snacks for the football game
Cause a man can't have enough
I didn't check the list to see if it was there
Cause I was busy doing other stuff

Before I knew it the buggy was full
Okay, maybe there were three
But look at all this stuff I got
She'd be so proud of me

Nine hundred dollars and fifteen cents
And man my wife was ******
I spent a whole months budget in twenty-five minutes
And didn't buy a thing from the list
Aug 2010 · 1.8k
Whitetail Burglar
Larry B Aug 2010
I only shoot to **** my food
Not for pride or pleasure
I hunt the meat we all can eat
Not for a mantlepiece treasure

But late one night I was lying in bed
And someone was at my door
I jumped to my feet like a ninja in heat
And crawled across my floor

It was dark inside my livingroom
But I could see a silhouette
The next thing I saw took my breath
It's something I'll never forget

A deer was wearing a ski mask
His antlers poked out the top
I jumped to my feet as fast as I could
And yelled, "Bambi you better stop"

He turned around and began to charge
I screamed for my wife to get back
He pulled a knife and cut my arm
With another sneak attack

He chased me down the hallway
The bathroom my only hope
But when I tried to get inside
He lassoed me with his rope

He tied me up and robbed my house
My wife was under the bed
He went through all of our dresser drawers
Her underwear on top his head

He finally left, the house was a mess
There were hoofprints everywhere
He took the remote to our color Tv
And even our silverware

Before he left he pointed and laughed
And called me a crazy old geezer
But my wife is scared and cannot rest
Until I put him in my freezer
Aug 2010 · 1.5k
The Whitetail Burglar
Larry B Aug 2010
I only shoot to **** my food
Not for pride or pleasure
I hunt the meat we all can eat
Not for a mantlepiece treasure

But late one night I was lying in bed
And someone was at my door
I jumped to my feet like a ninja in heat
And crawled across my floor

It was dark inside my livingroom
But I could see a silhouette
The next thing I saw took my breath
It's something I'll never forget

A deer was wearing a ski mask
His antlers poked out the top
I jumped to my feet as fast as I could
And yelled, "Bambi you better stop"

He turned around and began to charge
I screamed for my wife to get back
He pulled a knife and cut my arm
With another sneak attack

He chased me down the hallway
The bathroom my only hope
But when I tried to get inside
He lassoed me with his rope

He tied me up and robbed my house
My wife was under the bed
He went through all of our dresser drawers
Her underwear on top his head

He finally left, the house was a mess
There were hoofprints everywhere
He took the remote to our color Tv
And even our silverware

Before he left he pointed and laughed
And called me a crazy old geezer
But my wife is scared and cannot rest
Until I put him in my freezer
Aug 2010 · 943
Poke It !!! (Limerick)
Larry B Aug 2010
Her mom has a wart on her face that grows
How that thing got there nobody knows
I looked to my wife and said,
"Poke it I think its dead"
She said, "Stop it!, that thing is her nose"
Aug 2010 · 585
God's Plan (Haiku)
Larry B Aug 2010
The wheat in the fields
Bowing to the harvest wind
It is time to reap
Aug 2010 · 593
Fleeting Freedom (Haiku)
Larry B Aug 2010
The cool breath of fall
Frees the leaves from their prison
Floating to their death
Aug 2010 · 710
Counting Blessings (Haiku)
Larry B Aug 2010
In a time of drought
The angels count the raindrops
That quench the earth's thirst
Aug 2010 · 987
Rainy Day
Larry B Aug 2010
She laid him in his resting place
After twenty-one years of love
She had to try to say goodbye
To that she never felt worthy of

She was with him on his death bed
As he said with a single tear
"Now don't you cry, because I die,
For my love won't disappear"

He said with a smile while holding her hand
"Thank you, for being my bride"
It was his last breath before his death
Then her loving husband died

Two weeks later, the doorbell rang
A messenger stood outside
He said, "How do you do?, this is for you"
She took the letter and went inside

When she opens up the envelope
Tears start to fill her eyes
And then a smile, that's been gone for a while
She reads it as she cries

"It was me my angel who felt unworthy,
to even hold your hand"
"And I'll never see, why you ever picked me,
it's something I'll never understand"

Every two weeks, for the next ten years
A love letter was brought to her door
'Til one day his bride, had finally died
And now they're together once more

He wrote her letters every single day
From the very first day that they met
Then he put them away for a rainy day
To make sure she'd never forget
Aug 2010 · 1.6k
Blushing Rose ( Haiku)
Larry B Aug 2010
The rose petals blush
As the thorns protect her smile
And the stem holds her
Aug 2010 · 476
Alone in the Dark
Larry B Aug 2010
Alone in the dark I wait for the light
To show me where I belong
I can't find my way until it is day
But the darkness is lasting so long

The things that I see in the darkness
Shadows are tempting the light
But there's nothing to fear for I'm used to it hear
And your day will still be my night

Born in this world of silent screams
I can't even see my own tears
Try to understand I see with my hand
The darkness has held me for years

I wish someone would turn on the light
And let me taste what it's like to be free
But for now I am found in this world made of sound
Hoping that one day I'll see

Alone in the dark I wait for the light
Just a glimpse I'm praying to find
But I'm trapped in this hell with touch, sound and smell
For that's what it's like to be blind
Aug 2010 · 921
The Liar's Truth
Larry B Aug 2010
You tell me that you know me
Can you see into my soul?
Behind these eyes are a thousand lies
That hearts cannot control

Words can be a weapon
For those who choose to believe
Behind this mask it's but a simple task
To use words to deceive

Look just a little closer
And tell me what you see
I only show what you think you know
I remain a mystery

Listen to your conscience
It plays into my hand
I'll be to you what you want me to
You think I'm an honest man

You tell me that you know me
Can you see into my soul?
I'll make you cry each time I lie
That truth cannot console
Aug 2010 · 1.6k
The House Fly
Larry B Aug 2010
I chased that thing all morning
But he always got away
He must have found a hiding place
Somewhere safe to stay

He was on the kitchen table
Then on the bedroom door
I probably looked like an idiot
Crawling across the floor

I chased him to the fireplace
Then too the window screen
On to the kitchen counter
Was the last place he was seen

While trying to eat my breakfast
He just sit there staring at me
I finally caught him just for a second
But again that thing got free

I decided that he was smarter than me
So I gave up and went to bed
That's when I heard a mighty swat!!!
For my wife had killed him dead
Aug 2010 · 455
The Collector
Larry B Aug 2010
There was an old man, a collector of sorts
Who made his living off of the dead
Through the obituary page he'd earn his wage
Buying things that others had shed

Though some said his job was just morbid
Preying off of the people who died
It wasn't a natural death that took their last breath
But only those committing suicide

He bought the things that nobody wanted
For most were scared of a haunting or curse
But he didn't care he would always be there
The same day that they emptied the hearse

He was the only buyer at the auction
For everyone else was afraid
He just couldn't wait to steal their estate
And count all the money he made

'Til late one night while sleeping
Awakend by a bump in the night
At the foot of his bed stood a multitude of dead
As his heart stopped beating from fright

The old man had turned up missing
They found claw marks deep in his floor
The people couldn't wait to pilage his estate
For the old man wasn't seen anymore
Aug 2010 · 646
The Language of Tears
Larry B Aug 2010
Every teardrop tells a story
As its running down our cheek
The sound it makes cannot be heard
For its voice is much too weak

Listen to a teardrop fall
But listen with your soul
The silent screams of broken hearts
A sound you can't console

Teardrops are a language
That's spoken from the heart
An endless stream of liquid pain
That tears our world apart

Tears are often misunderstood
As a cleansing of the soul
But they leave scars that go unseen
When the pain begins to flow

Every teardrop tells a story
That most will never hear
They don't understand the language
That's spoken by the tear
Aug 2010 · 581
The Voice of Tears
Larry B Aug 2010
Have you ever heard a teardrop fall
As it scars a innocent face
Heartbreak cries with bloodshot eyes
As pain begins to race

A tear is full of emotion
Not the other way around
Tears are heard without a word
Though it doesn't make a sound

A tear is a broken promise
Or maybe it's a lie
A tear will fall for one and all
When love has said goodbye

A teardrop has a purpose
They call it liquid pain
Cleansing the soul each time they flow
Though it always leaves a stain

So listen to a teardrop
Though silent it may be
The sound you hear from a single tear
Will tell its history
Aug 2010 · 694
The Writing on the Walls
Larry B Aug 2010
I stumbled into a graveyard
And found written upon a stone
"In this place lies the human race,
Who died greedy and all alone"

It was dated Two-thousand and thirty-five
The year that man had died
The tomb was split just a little bit
So I decided to look inside

I saw what will be our future
Or maybe I should say our end
Covered in soil were barrels of oil
And money, too much to spend

I saw miles of nuclear weapons
As far as the eye could see
A place so sublime it was frozen in time
For all of eternity

Bodies lined the inner chamber
A warning to one and all
The price of greed means death indeed
The writing is on the wall

I stumbled into a graveyard
And found written upon a stone
"In this place lies the human race,
Who died greedy and all alone"
Aug 2010 · 531
Out of Reach
Larry B Aug 2010
My breath somehow forsakes me
It will not whisper your name
My heart says I'm unworthy
It cannot ignite this flame

My soul cries out for recoginition
But my lips won't let me smile
Tempted by your heavenly beauty
But captive, to denial

My dreams, filled with your vision
I dare not close my eyes
Everytime you pass me by
Another piece of me dies

I am but a simple man
And you, a goddess of desire
A treasure meant to intice my soul
That I shall never aquire

How much longer must I suffer
How long will my soul beseech
Alas, I turn and walk away
For you're simply out of reach
Aug 2010 · 954
My Feminine Side
Larry B Aug 2010
My wife said to embrace my feminine side
So I thought I'd give it a whirl
And though I said I'll do my best
I don't make a very good girl

So I tried my hand at cooking
And now the chicken is crispy and black
The laundry was just my first attempt
And it almost broke my back

I even took a bubble bath
With candles on the side of the tub
But when I tried to shave my legs
The only thing left was a nub

And even though I must admit
I look pretty **** good in a dress
Those dadgum ***** hose were cramping my style
As you can probably already guess

That make-up made me feel kinda funny
And made me look just a little bit weird
I think it clashed with the leftover breakfast
That was hanging out inside my beard

Now though it was fun to be a girl
It's something that I'll never repeat
Cause when my wife had to go ***
She forgot to raise the toilet seat

My wife said I made an ugly girl
And she laughed so hard she cried
She said she'd never ask me again
To embrace my feminine side
Jul 2010 · 717
Cutting the Cheese
Larry B Jul 2010
It was time for our annual cookout
That's when my wife asked me please
"If you get the time and you don't mind,
Could I ask you to please cut the cheese?"

I have to admit I was puzzled
I couldn't imagine what she means
So that's when I went to the kitchen
And opened me some beans

By the time I was finished
The people started to amass
My wife said, "It's time to get started,
Would you please pass the gas?"

So off I went to get some more beans
By now I was getting pretty full
Trying to figure out who would be first
To offer my finger to pull

By the time I got back it had started
But it ended in minutes to my shame
I burned down half of the city
I was standing too close to the flame
Jul 2010 · 519
Just Beautiful
Larry B Jul 2010
The most beautiful sight I've ever seen
Such beauty has never been found
I catch you staring back at me
But you never make a sound

Your eyes are like a crystal sea
So deep and full of love
I know for sure you're one of a kind
That was sent from Heaven above

Your smile can keep me hypnotized
I can stare at you for days
I can tell the world of your awesomeness
In a million different ways

I just can't seem to get anything done
Whenever you're in the room
My eyes won't let me look away
My purpose you consume

What would I do without you
My vision of perfection
My wife just told me to stop it
I've been staring at my own reflection
Jul 2010 · 551
Waiting
Larry B Jul 2010
I keep waiting for the door to open
And for you to walk back in
I can't tell you how bad I've missed you
And how lonely I have been

Waiting to see that beautiful smile
That highlights your sweet face
Waiting to hear your tender voice
That warms this cold, cold place

Waiting to feel your heartbeat
As you lay close by my side
Waiting to know your soft caress
That comes from deep inside

Waiting to touch your hair of silk
Woven on Heaven's loom
Waiting to wipe away your tears
And smell your sweet perfume

Waiting til the day I die
And draw this life's last breath
Waiting till we meet again
And we're joined together in death
Jul 2010 · 4.2k
The Wedding Rings
Larry B Jul 2010
Frozen solid in a block of ice
A wedding ring shines bright
The blizzard came out of nowhere
Trapping her in the night

Three days later they find her body
Frozen from her head to her toes
A stranger all alone lost in the snow
A woman that nobody knows

They brought her body back to town
And laid her in the stable
What happened next was miraculous
Some say only a fable

Weeks went by that turned to months
But her body would never decay
She looked the same as the day she was found
Until that faithful day

A farmer in the spring was plowing his field
And the bones of a man was found
A wedding ring was glistening in the sun
Where he laid on top of the ground

They brought the bones back to town
And laid them beside his bride
As soon as the two were together again
Her skin became broken and dried

They buried them both beneath an oak
That stood between two springs
When no names were found to write on the cross
They mounted their wedding rings
Jul 2010 · 404
The Sound of Pain
Larry B Jul 2010
What sound is this my soul can hear?
It quakes my very being
A tear upon the curtain of time
That keeps my heart from seeing

Love is just a fading memory
An echo of a dream long past
A reflection blurred between the lines
A promise that didn't last

Has love now changed to endless pain,
Whose screams must go unheard?
My soul cries out for some relief
But no one hears a word

My heart is now a festered sore
An infection now claims my soul
A malignant curse of hollow dreams
That no one can console

Tiny pieces now left behind
Becomes a cancerous stain
Unheard screams trapped in silence
This is the sound of pain
Jul 2010 · 444
'Til Death Do Us Part
Larry B Jul 2010
Yesterday is a part of me
That only time can now erase
Tomorrow holds the future
An uncertain and empty place

A smile is easily wiped away
I am proof of this event
I begged the angels to show you mercy
But they simply wouldn't relent

Taken away before your time
Leaving me, with the broken pieces
A heart that aches both day and night
And a loneliness that never ceases

A promise fufilled, "'Til death do us part"
Words, that I took for granted
I said I will but it came too soon
For my heart was still enchanted

A piece of me too, died that day
We never got to say goodbye
'Til death do us part still means Us
I'll love you till the day I die
Jul 2010 · 544
The Grave Dancer
Larry B Jul 2010
In a very small village in eighteen ten
A ritual took place of sorts
A woman would dance on top of the graves
In order to bring back a corpse

Some people called her the grave dancer
For her purpose was dancing on graves
When a loved one would die no one would cry
For she turned all the dead into slaves

Though they were mindless and decaying
The people just wanted them near
While this witch was alive the dead ones would thrive
She said there was nothing to fear

Then one morning a woman lost her husband
They buried him later that night
They went to the dancer but fell short of an answer
Cause the woman was no where in sight

Then the dead started eating their children
The people of the village were shaken
With the children now gone it wouldn't be long
Til the rest of the people were taken

In another small village in eighteen twelve
A ritual took place of sorts
A woman would dance on top of the graves
In order to bring back a corpse
Jul 2010 · 464
Echo in Time
Larry B Jul 2010
Time starts ticking the day we're born
Today is tomorrow's past
Yesterday is just a memory
That fades and never lasts

Everyday when the sun sets low
We're closer to the grave
Death keeps calling every hour
'Til we become his slave

While we're young we live forever
Living life to the fullest, we're bold
But one day soon time starts to fly
Then the grave awaits, we're old

Looking back we count our blessings
And curse the things we've lost
For time doesn't care who we are
And we all must pay the cost

Our life is only an echo in time
Destined to disappear
From birth to death then we're gone
Like we were never here
Jun 2010 · 602
The Painted Blue Rose
Larry B Jun 2010
Blue was his wife's favorite color
So he bought her a painted blue rose
She said she'd never seen anything like it
So she carries it where ever she goes

He woke up early one morning
To make his wife breakfest in bed
The rose lay alone on the table
Beside it his wife was found dead

The blue rose was placed on her coffin
Then removed when they lowered her down
Cast aside with the discarded trash
That was lying closeby on the ground

A little girl around nine or ten
Picked it up and took it back home
Here on vacation to visit her family
But now on her way back to Rome

She gave the rose to her Grandmother
Who carried it all the way to Japan
Who then gave the rose to her waitress
For lending her a helping hand

The waitress gives the rose to a stranger
Who was now on his way back to France
Who gave the rose to his daughter
As her whole class was watching her dance

She then gave the rose to her teacher
Who was leaving to start a new life
He was on his way to America
To be with his children and wife

He then gave the rose to his brother
Who's still grieving the death of his bride
He places the rose on her gravestone
Where it started the day that she died
Larry B Jun 2010
Things I never thought I'd hear myself say
Back before my kids were born
Why is my toothbrush in the microwave?
And why is my recliner full of corn?

Who put my cell phone in the fish tank?
And why is there butter in my shoe?
I'd often scream "Get the bleach"
When I stuck my finger in their poo

Who left their underwear under my pillow?
And get that lamp shade off of your head
Quit calling your sister an evil troll
And there's no monsters under your bed

Who put the jello in the DVD player?
And no, you're not getting a pet snake
Who put this hot dog under the cushions
Get your sister's hair out of that cake

Why is the cat in the refrigerator?
Who drew a mustache on grandma's face?
Get your finger out of your brother's nose
Who put this mustard all over the place?

It doesn't matter what you ask them
The answer is always the same
"I don't know, I didn't do it"
And somehow they're never to blame
Jun 2010 · 572
Burn Baby Burn
Larry B Jun 2010
Here's another story that's also true
Although I hate to admit it
You see, my wife didn't think it was funny
And she just won't let me forget it

I was sitting at the table with my wife and kids
Enjoying our evening meal
I'm tellin you now, I'm lucky to be alive
And wouldn't be if looks could ****

I was almost finished with my desert
When I said, "Hey look, your mom's a Flambe'"
(Caution), never light a match near a woman's head
She didn't tell me she was wearing hair spray

Well, I got a little too close, then up she went
****!!!, flames all over the place
I started beating her on the head as fast as I could
You should have seen that woman's face

The smoke detector singing as loud as it could
Trying to cover my wife's horrible scream
I could have been married to a bald headed woman
At least that's how she makes it seem

I finally got it out, the kids were laughing
But my wife just didn't see the humor
She stared at me til my brain went weak
I seriously thought I had a tumor

I hope everybody was paying attention
To this lesson that I had to learn
Never light a match near a woman's head
And never shout burn baby burn
Jun 2010 · 1.2k
Bathroom Poetry
Larry B Jun 2010
I learned to write poetry
From those bathroom walls
I even learned about life
From them ***** old stalls

I think one was even written
By Mr Edgar Allan Poe
Wait!, that might have said
David Allan Coe

One poem that I found
Was scribbled in red
Of course I can't really repeat
What that poem said

Some were so funny
They made me laugh real hard
I laughed til I cried
And my lungs were scarred

Here I sit so broken hearted
Was a poem that we made famous
But we never signed our names
In case they ever tried to blame us

Now some say that bathroom poetry
Just isn't very well known
But you just can't help but read some
While you're sitting on the throne

To *** or not to ***
I haven't made up my mind
But you have to admit, bathroom poetry
Is simply one of a kind
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