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LakotaPronych Oct 2013
I tried to swallow my own advice,
bud ended up purging it out of my body
like somebody with a sever eating disorder.

I sat on the sidelines and watched myself fail.
Only because I could never follow the advice
that so easily rolled off my tongue.

I was envious of the people that followed
my "words of wisdom".
I knew I could never be like them,
and that frustrated me.

I was torn, and aware.
I was broken, shattered;
glued in the same spot I started
watching the world advance
right before my eyes.
It went around in circles,
Day and night,
all the same;
I was stuck.
LakotaPronych Oct 2013
Captivated by my thoughts
I was lost in a completely different world.
The silence wasn't all that terrible,
but it did keep me busier than i had hoped.
I wasn't prepared for what tomorrow would bring
although I did have to face it eventually.
I wasn't afraid of my future,
just scared of what it may or may not hold within it.
I knew I had to conquer my fears
sooner rather than later but procrastination
always sounded so good.
I knew sleep would bring me closer to it much faster,
so I always held off.
In the morning it didn't seem to matter much though.
I was still going to be caught in tomorrow
no matter how today goes.
All I can do is hope
tomorrow is better than today
because yesterday wasn't okay.
Written on August 7th, 2013.
LakotaPronych Sep 2013
I was no longer a free person. I had been captured by the monsters that held me inside.
You could say this small 11 by 7 square foot box could now be called home.
With every mistake I've made, the walls grow taller.
I look up and all I can see is red and blue.

I no longer have to opportunity to see whats beyond my grave.
These walls not only keep me hidden; they tell stories,
they speak to me and tell me what it's like on the outside,
where the flowers grow and the sun shines.
Where peoples laughter fills the air and their smiles can brighten up the room.

However, these are just tales of something; far beyond my reach.
It's disappointing to think I'll be here forever.
Watching these walls grow taller.
Written on May 27, 2013
LakotaPronych Sep 2013
You're a thousand miles away, though you are still home to me.
Thirty more minutes would never be enough time
For me to express all the feelings I've held in.
You just need to know, all that I've kept to myself.
Selfishness; got me nowhere.
LakotaPronych Sep 2013
I wasn't ashamed of who I was. I was only ashamed of the person you were trying to make me.
I was no longer your pride and joy. I was no longer the center of your world.
That's the thing, as soon as someone new comes along ,
someone better, you forget about all the promises you've already made.
You forget about all the secrets and all of the talks you used to have.
All of that is gone now, only because you decided to forget.
Forgetting isn't always a bad thing. We forget all that bad stuff that keeps us awake at 2:00 a.m.
It's the bad things that told us we weren't good enough.
Its forgetting that was the hardest, but forgetting was also so, so easy.
I figured i needed to find something to keep my mind occupied.
He was always so good at keeping me occupied away from the bad.
He taught me how to forget. I've always wanted to thank him for that.
He taught me things i couldn't teach myself. He  taught me how to care, and love.
Usually when we are alone and out of love, we learn how to love others and how to be a friend.
But not this time.
I wasn't alone, this whole time i was by his side,
Listening to him,
Watching him,
And learning from him.
LakotaPronych Sep 2013
Even the sweet surrender of loving something as sweet as him couldn't even save me.
I was lost, lost in his eyes. I could remember they way he would hold me,
and tell me everything would be okay.
Now he's all just a memory; *my sweet release.
LakotaPronych Sep 2013
I dreamt we kissed,
And even though it was only a dream,
I still managed to wake up breathless.

I never wanted it to end,
I wanted to stay sleeping for eternity,
for that meant I could spend forever;
by your side.
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