I did not love you,

I do not love you.

But I have forty unsent letters

hidden between my books.

No one takes the time to write

letters but I have taken hours

for you.



You were my greatest story—

The boy who lived life fast,

who made sure to never get

what he wanted.

He left everything broken.



There was a girl.

He used to make her laugh.

Now she hated him, she avoided him

but he knew she still searched for him.

Most days she would turn away

but some days she would see him

and walk past him like she could

not see him.

He wondered if she cared

or did not care at all. He did not care

enough to find out.

He lost this girl.

He saw a glimpse of her face, a shadow

on the concrete and watched her

walk away for the last time.

He did not feel

anything.



My greatest story:

The boy who did not care

about the girl who cared so much.



I do not love you,

I did not love you.

Last month I threw away forty letters.

I have grown tired of trying to spin

fiction into fact.

Hate is such an ugly word               Love is such a pretty word
“I hate carrots”                                 ”I love puppies”
“I hate school”                                  “I love apples”
“I hate spiders”                                 ”I love you”
“I hate…”                                          “I love…”
“I hate…”                                          “I love…”
“I hate…”                                          “I love…”
“…hate…”                                         ”…love…”
“…hate…”                                         ”…love…”
“…hate…”                                         ”…love…”
It is used so often                                It is used too often
In places it shouldn’t                          In places it should not
You don’t really hate carrots            You don’t really love puppies
You just dislike them                         You just like the cuteness
You don’t really hate school              You don’t really love apples
You just don’t like the work              You just like the taste
You don’t really hate spiders             You don’t really love me
You just are grossed out by them      You just like to lie.

Stuck in a sea of faces
Staring at those
Who don't understand
The workings behind my face
My wants
Wishes
Desires
I am stuck
In a crowd of extroverts
Who don't get the quiet
They look at me funny
Because I am silent
Different
Outcast

I see them in the halls
Their sunken eyes, covered with Makeup
Their scarred arms, covered with Bracelets
Their scratched fingers, covered with Rings
They cut, ****, hurt
They try to act normal
They don’t want people to notice
But people do
I do
I want to help
But I can’t
No one can
I can’t touch them
They’re living ghosts

you look at her in the hall
she has a new haircut
It creeps by slowly, softly
you look at her in the hall
she has new shoes
It bumps into you soft, unnoticed
you look at her in the hall
she has a new outfit
It knocks into you uncomfortable, unimportant
you look at her in the hall
she lost weight
It taps you on the shoulder lightly, jokingly
you look at her in the hall
she is dating him
It prods you in the back hard, violent
you look at her in the hall
she has everything perfect
It consumes you ‘til you’re nothing
you’re nothing
but an
envious best friend

Farmer Jones set out to build a barn
A shelter for his bovine
When the wood started disappearing
A little at a time

The cows were taking it to pasture
On the other side of the dell
Little by little in the middle of night
Hoping Jones wouldn't be able to tell

This plans been festering for ages
At least since some of them were veal
But cows aren't very good at telling time
So how long is really hard to tell

Anyways they know they have a plan
That's what matters when it comes down to it
And what it is they've been planing
Is "Bovine One" The Rocket Ship

This time they're going to the moon
They had a cousin who jumped over it once
But that was so many years ago
And cousin Eddie has long been somebody's lunch

They got the plans out of Science Illustrated
When Carl went in to use the can
The day Farmer Jones stepped out of the house
A little secret the cows are keeping from "The Man"

They know nothing about jet propulsion
So the cows broke down and asked the goat
The smartest of all the farm animals
Another little secret nobody knows

In the process of building they used galvanized nails
The goat said in space regular nails would rust
I never would have thought of that
I guess goats are even smarter than us

When "Bovine One" The Rocket Ship was completed
It was on a Wednesday the count down did fall
The day Farmer Jones noticed his wood was missing
And the authorities were called

As they began to investigate
A bright glow came from over the hill
Still to this day no matter what people say
They don't know what the object was nor ever will

The Rocket Ship is still up there in orbit
With umpteen cows inside
Next time you hear a cow moo, look up cause you too
Could see "Bovine One" as it passes by

Did they ever make it to the moon?
No one around really seems to know
I bet you could get the answer though
If you were to go and ask the goat

I went swimming today
Twice
Which is weird because
In the past 4 years
I have been in the ocean a total of 6 times
Even though I live
In a small ocean town
Where the beach is
A short walk away
I went in the water today
Even though I have always hated
Being wet and
Salty the feeling on my
Skin is so uncomfortable
I always detested it
I went in the water today
Because I hate the person I am
And I thought that if I changed
One small part about myself
The rest could follow
And maybe if I could learn to
Love the water
I could learn to
Love myself