Your first love will never be your only love
It echoes in my head
The truth is I can't heal this scar
Especially when he still has my heart

How do I get it back?
I really don't know
I've never been good at letting things go

I  feel what I feel and it's overwhelming,
I don't think I can take my emotions
Why are they so strong when I'm so weak,
And why does everything I touch break
Simply because it's me

She walks alone
No one knows her path
Confusion and uncertainty sit in her lap
The air is her acquaintance,
Feel the breeze
The weather is her comfort,
It never leaves
In need of inspiration,
She looks to the trees
They stand strong in the fall even though they lose their leafs
She writes poetry in hope one day the person it was written for will read
Friends has become nothing more than another meaningless word
She is a loner at heart
Her ways might not be the wisest
But she is still trying to play it smart
Why reopen a wound?
It will only be made deeper
With no bandaid to cover
The loss of another
Get an infection
That needs to be removed
And the reason she opened it will be only a mere memory
She needs a remedy
She walks alone
No one knows her path
She has no friends
Confusion and uncertainty sit in her lap
She is just another outcast

Play my card
Cut me up
Destroy me  
I'm already broken
Fill my void with lies
Smack me with insults please
Look me in the eye and tell me how much you hate me
Walking blind
Blood pours out
Losing life
I scream your name
All I hear is your laughs
I'm not angry
Deceit flowing from me
No refunds
So don't bring me a receipt of apologies
They mean nothing
Just take your blades and dice me
I'm just here to make you happy
And all you do is take your knife and stab me

I don't know what is honestly wrong with me
He said that's because there is nothing wrong
You're perfect
As much as I want to believe those words
I know it's not true
It hurts badly because if there was nothing wrong
What was his reason for leaving
It was completely by choice
And I feel like when people say they love me
They're just deceiving
That's why I can never make myself say it back
If I admit it that's proof I'm probably attached
Latched onto them
And then they leave
Where does that put me
I'm lost and I don't know where I'm headed
And it's all because I'm stuck in the question of
Will I ever have real love
Because what's love
When its one sided
It's nothing but pain
It's like you love but it's all in vain
I don't know what's honestly wrong with me
He said that's because there is nothing wrong
You're perfect
I love you
It was all just a ruse he used to trick me
But he didn't get what he wanted
And no matter how much he denies it
I know it's the truth
If there is nothing wrong with me
Why did he leave
And why can't he give me a real reason
I can never say I love you too
Because to me it's all one big lie
I tried to love
Even with broken pieces
But what good does it do
When the other person doesn't love you

He sought to fix me because I was broken
He convinced me that when I was around him
I could put my heart in the open

He noticed it had a hole in it
He sought to make me smile
Make me laugh

As the days passed he just thought I was mad
Honestly he did make me happy
But being cute and bubbly all the time isn't realistic

He told me that all he sought was me
Wether sweet or moody
But that was a lie

He went from adoration to trying to escape and avoid me
He sought to dig me out the dark
But he knew he might only lose himself

He wasn't ready to go that far
Said it was too hard
So he left

Our relationship had taken its toll
We both knew this
I just wasn't ready to let go

He decided to leave
And now I long for him to hold onto me

It's the little things we tend to take for granted

I have a plethora of pain
Although I am fortunate
That much is appreciable
I'm just trying not to use people for my own gain
People tend to take me as rude
I say I'm staying true
I keep telling them I can be cold and sweet
They can't see
Finite amounts of knowledge on me
Sometimes I wonder why God made life so fathomless
I believe everyone tries to understand
I don't think God will ever give answers to man
It's just a bunch of guesses
A bunch of twists and turns
My life is full of bruises and burns
Paltry is the perfect word to describe this
It's all in vain
What if none of this is real
And we wake up from a dream when we die
My accretion of worry increases by the day
The reason I play it safe
My mother thinks I'm selfish
I should be more thankful
Gratitude guide me
So I can be grateful
But I'm not satisfied with the way life is
My insatiableness
I just learned to cope with it
But this is all too copious