I tried to do what was right
But the rumors are just getting bigger
At first I was a *****
Now they think imma thief
What am I doing
I'm dying inside
Because every time I try to do what's right
I mess up it all
This stack of drama is getting tall
And maintaining my sanity seems to be losing its importance
I'm losing it
Everything I do just proves it
I don't think my peers or anyone would approve of this
Why am I doing this
Why do I even try
All I do is mess things up
When I tried so hard to make them right

I'm going to lose you
This isn't the first time
We never really had a stable relationship

I'm starting to think I'm a *******
I love someone who doesn't love me back
It's pointless but I can't help it

The truth smacks me in the face everyday
And I wake up to the weight on my heart
Thoughts race through my mind
Even when it's silent, I have no quiet time

I'm trying not to ignore it
But all my feelings just seem depressing
By the days that pass they lessen
It was always I'm going to lose you
I'll never see you again

And there is no risks now
Because I think he knows I still love him
I was so focused on losing him

But I lost something more valuable
I lost my sanity
I lost my grip on reality
I lost my hope
The spark in my eye
I lost myself
And I can't deny

At the end of the day it's only me
I'm the only one to blame for this
Pain is what I'm used to though
So even though I know I should
I won't let it go

I'm afraid of pain
And I thought that if I didn't run from it or avoid it or ignore it I'd be fine
But all facing it did was hurt me
Face your fears
I tried
I didn't even deny

And all it did was destroy me
So now I'm hiding from my problems
Not going to try to run
I'm lost
My heart feels done

Don't stop when life gives you the red light
Although it always depends on what the situation is
Hold on tight when you feel your motivation slip
Control your own life
Don't let others rule over it
Sometimes you'll think you're all alone
Or you feel that way
No friends
No fans
No supporters
Just no one there
In your mind it's like I'm done
I can't do this
But you can,
You choose not to
The first step is to believe
If you give up on yourself
No one else can really pull you out
Is this your underachievement scheme
Don't stop when life gives you red lights
And don't over do it
Hold onto your insight
When it appears everyone doubts you
And you have no clear path
Raise your head
Put a smile on your face
Embrace yourself
And don't look back
Say I am my own motivation today
Because that my friends is what self determination truly is

I need a way,
An escape
And I don't want to say that faith isn't enough for me
But, I feel myself choking up at the end of the day
I'm staring at blades
I fantasize about suicide
Dying will end it all
But it's such a selfish decision
And I could never carry it through
I have to much provision
I don't want to throw my life away
I know all it will do is cause my family to feel the same as I
Therefore the pain never ends
But I might not make it
Not sure how much longer I can take it
I need a way,
An escape,
Another life
Because I'm dying inside everytime I awake

I'm scared to love again
After what happened with me and him
What if the next boy is just the same
Oh how I feel my heart flip for him already and it shouldn't
There is no doubt in my mind that I'm not good at relationships
I'm not made for it
I'm too socially awkward
Give me an oscar
An award
I'm scarred for life
And I was barely in a war

Chains, *******, slaves
I'm in an unfamiliar place

I can't escape

Ropes bound me to a destiny
I don't want to take
I don't believe in fate

At this rate I'll never be free
Because even when the chains are gone
My mind is still in ******* and my heart is still broken

My brain is still not as wise as I wish it was
Because regardless the damage they did I feel can't be undone

I think I've finally gave up
I'm in an unfamiliar place

I can't escape

What will it take
To break away from pain
I long to see a smile on my face

Smiling seems so simple
Yet when I try it's so hard
Not one of those fake ones
I wanted something genuine

That would make the bubbly feeling last
Until time passed and I fell asleep

Dreaming of beautiful things
Dreaming of being free from pain