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 Mar 2014 Lacey Danielle
Miriam
i don't i don't i don't

but i am curious
and i want to know

what does it feel like to fall in love with another soul
to know their deepest secrets but still love them
and see the worst parts about them
but that only magnifies the good

what does it feel like when it's 3 am and you can't sleep
and not because you're lonely
but because you're not anymore

what does it feel like to become so vulnerable
that you would let another soul cut open your chest
and let them see everything you've kept hidden

what does it feel like to trust someone so much
you'd let them hold your heart in their hands?

i don't know

but what i do know is everything fades to gray
and people can ruin things and make mistakes

so what does it feel like when it all breaks
when the person you love stabs your heart
and they swear they didn't mean to do it

when they look at you and you look at them
but all you see is boredom seeping through their eyes
and they don't want to kiss you anymore
and the hand they hold yours with feels limp and lifeless

what does it feel like when trust finally turns into a knife
and the person you thought would never hurt you the most
would stab you over and over with all of their lies

what does it feel like when the person you love
begins to grow increasingly distant from you
and you can't do anything but watch
and just hope that maybe you'll get over it soon?

what does it feel like?

i don't want to fall in love

i don't i don't i don't
When anxiety
takes my breath I pray
I won't get it back
I sat on my bathroom floor, body shaking uncontrollably.
I had just thrown up another meal, I couldn't stop it from happening.

"Oh yes, dear mother, the food was delightful…"
Little did she know, that nothing I ever ate, stayed to be digested.

People might ask, why would she do this to herself?

Well, she might answer:

There once was a girl who wasn't the tiniest, the prettiest, or skinniest, who longed to be someone else.
She weighed 130 pounds, although one might not think this as heavy, all the other kids did.
She was bullied and called names: she was fat and ugly. Evenutally, there came a point to where she broke down.
Becoming what she is, was the best decision, she'd ever made…but laying there on the bathroom tile…she wasn't sure.
Hurting myself more
By hurting you,
So ill retreat to keeping
My mouth shut,
As i usually do
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