its such a sad thing
to see when a girl
falls in love with the words
he says rather than
the actions he makes

i don't wanna spend my life wasting
i don't wanna miss my chance
i don't wanna be the one broken
i don't wanna always be hoping
i don't wanna miss my life waiting

cuz when i look back and see nothing
cuz when i look back im nothing

you don't know me
i am an ocean
deep, vast
mysterious
in a world of people
who think
im a puddle
like they can step on me
and not realize
im much deeper
than they think
they may know me
but you will never understand me
if you did you might drown

what do you mean
im not good enough
what do you mean
i cant fight
what do you mean
no one cares
what do you mean
your better than me
what do yo mean
i'm hopeless
what do you mean
i asked for  this
what do you mean
i was  looking for trouble
i never wanted this
i still don't yet you
have forced me to feel
i will never be enough
please explain to me
what do you mean

i wish i could fly
but instead i fall

i wish i could run
but like quick sad im stuck standing still

i wish i could live
but my life was stole from me

wrap around my heart
hugging till death
hopeless and unwilling
dragged from place to place
shoved from car to car
scarred until broken
pain behind my eyes
fear caught in my throat
our hand around my wrist
pulling me here and there

you look into my eyes
i hold your gaze full of fear
i know your telling lies
i let them go in my ear

you hurt my heart
you hurt my head
you left me no where to dart
you make my arms bleed

you wont heal
you wont care
you wont have to deal
with your actions there

who am i
who are you
who are they
who was he

i am broken
you are cruel
they are unknowing
he was unhelpful

i am hurt
you are awful
they don't understand
he was confused

i am lost
you are selfish
they are not helping
he was gone

heart beats fast
fear and broken promises
you tell me to be brave
but how can i when i'm so afraid
and you say
you care but how can i believe in your word
you lie to my face
telling me im fine
but how can you care
how can you tell me this
i know your name
but will i have a chance

you read my lips not my mind
you know my name not my story
you see my smile not my pain
you see my cuts not my scares

so no you may think you do
but you don't know me

i want to forget it
i want to forget you
i want to forget what happened

i was five
but you left me behind
i was five
but you told me to take care of myself
i was five
but you wanted me to die
i was five
but you tried to hurt me
i was five
but you killed my mother
i was five

adrenaline in my veins
fear in my eyes
pain in my heart
lumps in my throat

tears on my cheek
heat in my cheeks
knots in my stomach
locks in my knees

it seeps in our bones
and through our blood
it tastes like adrenalin
and looks like a snarling wolf
it crushes
it burns
it brakes your bones
yet we still crave
the rush
the pain

you took my sanity
yet im wrong
you took my innocence
yet im wrong
you took my happiness
yet im wrong
you took my soul
yet im wrong
you took my dreams
yet im wrong

fragile yet strong
clear yet dark as night
perfect yet flawed
beautiful yet unbreakable

the cold metal
against my temple
your warm hand
across my mouth
your soft voice
dancing in my ear
you spoke in soft caring tones
but your words so cruel
your hand guided me towards a car
a man inside grabbed my waste
forcing me down into the seat
the belt across my waste by him
my eyes brimming with tears so cold
a large man's shoulder at my arm
a soft sounding hum from you
in the seat at the front

i was so unforgiving
i was so scared
i was so unloving
i was so uncomfortable
i was so sad
i was so uncaring
i was so unhappy
i wish you could know
that i wish i could apologize

smile they say
laugh they say
be happy they say

but they don't hear what i don't say
but they don't see what i don't  show
but they don't know what i didnt tell

dark? i think not
dark? i hope not
dark? i wish not
dark? i dream not

light? i think so
light? i hope so
light? i wish so
light? i dream so

i stare at the fish in the pond so dark
i stare at the fish pond yellow and bright
i stare at the fish pond  surviving not living

a hopeless heart
a dreamless mind
a wishless soul
with chains to bind
a broken shackle
lay at my feet
as sorrowful tears
drip down my cheek
a song unsung
and time undone

this story         is written
for those so    broken for
those who try and still get
nothing this little poem i
  wrote for you a sign of
   remembrance for the
       ones who feel
           so broke
             inside

in and out close to dreams
in and out the hope so close
in and out wishing i was close
in and out waiting for my hopes
in and out loving hopelessly and dreamlessly
in and out i stand alone
in and out life so cold

she whispers into the night
on her lips a soft kiss
a dream already dreamt
a pain already felt
the words on her lips
are i'll find you in this bliss
one day we are together
but soon it will be all of this
her heart lets out a single throb
and then she ends this miss
a dream so broken yet
but one day she tells herself
just one day more

i wish i could forget
i wish i could love
i wish i could smile


but you took that from me
but you stole that from me
but you drove that out of me

did you mean to hurt me
did you mean to **** my innocence
did you mean to **** my heart

it is your fault i'm scared
it is your fault i cant breath
it is your fault im hurt

will you apologize
will you hurt anyone else
will you ever forgive yourself

they flood back as i close my eyes
like a silent reminder
the faces bounce in and out
the pain comes rushing back
was i the one who caused this
could i have escaped this
will i ever know?

I wanted
to talk about it
**** It
I wanted to scream
I wanted to yell
I wanted to
Shout about it
But all I could do
Was whisper
“I'm fine”

dont hurt me
my heart is so fragile
dont hurt me
they say time is the only healer
dont hurt me
cause these scars still hurt so much
dont hurt me
cause i need to heal
dont hurt me
cause i cant make these memories disappear
dont hurt me
cause i need some love
dont hurt me
cause i'm so lonely
dont hurt me
please i thought you cared
dont hurt me
i guess you dont
dont hurt me
just my luck i got burned again
dont hurt me
this happens every time
dont hurt me
i wish i could find someone
dont hurt me
i loved you so

you left me broken
you left me in pain
you left so many words unspoken
you left me in the rain

but I will rise up
but I will break through
but I will not burn up
but I will not be blue

because I matter
because I survived
because I will not clatter
because I have lived

therefore you won't win
therefore you won't take my sanity
therefore you won't get a grin
therefore you won't take my humanity

The lock on the door clicks
She stares at her shoes
Her sick stomach full of ick
She stops to think of thoughts so blue

His booming voice cold
Like trickling pools of ice
He tells her she's to old
And that tonight she will get no rice

Her stomach twists with hunger
She can’t stop staring at his hand
He stops and can wait no longer
His hand fall across her face with a hard smack and …..

She falls like a twig
Broken on the ground
He rips her skull pulling her hair like a wig.

No one tells little girls
How boys with such pretty eyes
Who smell like smoke,
Who taste like rain,
Who talk like silver,
Are the reason behind
Tear soaked pillows,
Half finished poems
And so many sad dreams