Smoke me out
I'm begging you
Let me feel that high
Know what its like
Even just for a moment
To escape my mind
Taking hits off ivory buds
The smoke stuck in my lungs
Holding tight
As if that will make it last a little longer
But I just need some silence
And maybe an escape
From my relentless mind

I wanted to give you me in full
Except I cant
Because I was born to be just a
Silhouette
Tried to find me
But lost it in the writing
Now im nothing but
The Silhouette
of what others have made me

I hate how it feels
The way a single text
Makes my blood boil
Because I know you don't care
Wouldn't have cried
If I ended up Dead and starving
And now you message
Asking how I am
Pretending you miss me
Like those words really hold any weight
But I'm not here
To make you feel less guilty
I hope you burn in your guilt
I'm not here to help you keep up appearances
Because at the end of the day
You were never a real father

When I know I'm safe
I start to feel trapped
When this is what I've waited for
So long that I became hopeless
Chasing visious cycles
Over and over
Finding myself scared and hurt
But as soon as I find safety
I start feeling like it's a trap

It's an acid trip
I soak those words in
As they leave my tongue
Maybe the poison is my drug
Because even if I know it's wrong
I still scream at you
Chasing the high of one more trip

Hands tied stuck
Maybe it's the feeling of home
Maybe it's the safety
The way I no longer live in panic
Why is it so hard
When your not living in survival
To not wait for the shoe to drop
Not wait to be knocked back
Into survival
Why does the feeling of peace
Make me feel so trapped

It's hard
Watching days bleed
Into nothing as time passes
Me by questioning
If this is all
Thinking there must be more
But I'm getting to an age
I should know better
I let myself burn
In this part of the earth's blindspot