When I know I'm safe
I start to feel trapped
When this is what I've waited for
So long that I became hopeless
Chasing visious cycles
Over and over
Finding myself scared and hurt
But as soon as I find safety
I start feeling like it's a trap

It's an acid trip
I soak those words in
As they leave my tongue
Maybe the poison is my drug
Because even if I know it's wrong
I still scream at you
Chasing the high of one more trip

Hands tied stuck
Maybe it's the feeling of home
Maybe it's the safety
The way I no longer live in panic
Why is it so hard
When your not living in survival
To not wait for the shoe to drop
Not wait to be knocked back
Into survival
Why does the feeling of peace
Make me feel so trapped

It's hard
Watching days bleed
Into nothing as time passes
Me by questioning
If this is all
Thinking there must be more
But I'm getting to an age
I should know better
I let myself burn
In this part of the earth's blindspot

I think I'm stuck
While every one around me
Is rushing
F
    O
        R
            W
                 A
                      R
                         D
And I sit stuck
Or perhaps the only way I've learned
To grow is
                                         B
                                   A
                          C
                   W
              A
        R
    D
S

Im not your trophy
Ive been hurt and dragged
But how does that make you better
As if watching the way
My disability controls me
Makes you so much more greatful
That yours doesn't
As if I'm something to be pitied
Because no one wants to be like that girl
But look at all that girls done
And if she can accomplish so much
Can't I
But im not your inspirational ****
And watching my struggles
Doesn't make you any stronger

Would you still love me if I was a worm
No let me rephrase that
Would you still love me if I lost value
Would you still want me
If I broke all of the vows
Turned into something
you never agreed to be with
Became unable to be a wife
Would you still love me
If I couldn't be a wife, a mother
If I could never be a friend again
Would you still love me
Even as I grew unable to clean
Unable to cook
unable to walk on my own
Would you still love me
Would you still think of me The same
I guess honestly
Would you still love me if I was a worm