I have forgotten how happy this makes me
But I am grateful for it

Grateful for the mistakes
For the learning that comes from the ****** up things my mouth does
When all I wanted was for you to laugh

I am thankful for the laughter
And the overwhelming smile that I am normally self-conscious of
When the laughter makes me think how much I love you

Come sit with me in the middle distance
Between the times I want to remember forever
And the fast approaching future
That I don’t want to miss without you

It’s not gay when we hold hands in public
Unless we’re being gay about it

Look around
Who is staring?
They’re just jealous of the love

Thank you so much for getting me
When I feel no one else does
For understanding me so perfectly that
You can stop my stupidity mid-sentence
Just by saying my name

Say my name again like a double negative

Let my mouth slip a little further into absurdity

Thank you for the dancing
On dimly lit dance floors
Slick with sweat
And scuffed with heel-heart grace

I want to remember my awkwardness like a scar

Your smile is a scar reminding me of us
When I begin to tell these stories again

Like that time I broke into a car to steal him a pack of smokes

Or when we sat in her car after class til 2 am just talking
Just laughing

When I remind her how much I like kissing her
Especially when we’re drunk
Sloppy and passionate

When I pull my face from yours
And you smile so beautifully

When I slept on her couch because I didn’t want to go home that night
So I treated her to pho the next morning

When I held her after drinking
Under blankets she warmed in the dryer

Every time I tell them I love them
I mean it

When they taught me how to dance
When grace is something I never needed
To move like this feels good

The beer
And the tears
The laughter
The mornings after

I am grateful because of you
And because of you
I am full of greatness

Full of can-do-fire
And won’t-quit-cliché-heart
Full of first attempts with the goal to fail
Because I want to experience it all

With you

So thank you
For the laughter
And the dancing
And the awkward scar smiles
That reminds me how worthwhile living is

It is worthwhile
Because of you

Wistful lust and melancholy mangoes
Succulent decadence and still I am morose
A plum for pining, a kiwi for whining
Pineapple dreams are the clouds’ only lining
For in the resting realm the reality is nigh
Alas cruel consciousness eradicates the high
And thrown am I back into awareness
That life and love are not games of fairness

Heartbeat
Empty glass.
Droning fan, trying to write.
****.
Writer’s block.
But it’s more than that.
Every writer can eventually find the words.
Maybe I’ll take other’s advice and make words up?
How?
If the dictionary can’t explain it,
How can
I?
Beautiful, perfect.
Want?
Need.
No. still too common.
The words I’m looking for don’t exist,
No alliteration,
No rhyme,
Irony,
No assonance, allusion, slant, idiom, pun,
Simile, metaphor, nothing
Would allow me the
Ability to
Write the words I want.
The only language that exists to me
Now is the language
Of my pulse.
Remind me I’m alive?
My feet are cold,
My palms clammy.
So
How
To
Say
What
I
want?
It
Can
Not
Come
From
My
Heart.­
But.
By.
My.
Soul.
Make.
This.
Real.
Heaven?
I
want days where I can
sit in the dark.
Not see, but feel you.
Not physically. Feel your emotions radiate.
Repair your heart.
Even if you don’t know it is me.
You are the beat,
The life,
To my
Heart.
But I don’t want my heart.
I want my soul.
Take.
It
All
From
Me.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

“Something wicked this way comes”
Something twisted as the branches
Losing all the leaves of autumn
Blood red moon
Thirst and vine
Always quenching
Mercilessly entwined
The thoughts we do not share
Brought to fruition
Encased as if in a tidy black box
Sent just to you
Special delivery of secrets
Darkness
Writhing beneath pleasure and torment
Brought by wind and rain
Listless enjoyment of pain
Watch them fall
See them writhe
Like lost souls twisting in the nether
Underneath a ***** cracked fingernail
Pressing them like helpless rats
Until their bodies crush beneath the weight of their own pain
Watch the shame ooze out as they cry for mercy
Begging forgiveness the judgments they have bestowed upon others
As they turn to you with hate filled eyes
Wondering if you will finally help them with redemption
Or smash them like the worthless things they know they are
Throw it away
It is not worthy of your infinite time
Curiosity compels you to dig it out of the refuge and repeat
Build a wall to surround the thing
Make it go away
Bone chilling screams inside your brain
Bash it until it is still
Deafening silence
The screams of ten thousand years
Power, tears and blood stained eyes
Blood filled eyes
Beautiful eyes
Helplessly grasping for just one more taste…

-Heidi Moore
Copyright 10/15/2011

love
without it a we cannot live
but love...
four letters,
one syllable,
a world of meaning.

love,
it can be no more simple than two children sitting on a bench
but o the complications,
be they numerous or scarce
act as simply the repair of bone, further reinforcing it,
and allowing strength for the future.

but love is not merely the bone of the life it permeates.
it is the blood,
the flesh,
the life and the soul.
without it i cannot live..

I was in love with anatomy
the symmetry of my body
poised for flight,
the heights it would take
over parents, lovers, a keen
riding over truth and detail.
I thought growing up would be
this rising from everything
old and earthly,
not these faltering steps out the door
every day, then back again.

A saccharine
*****
A broken home.
A cellophane
*****
A scribble-wrought tome.
Nothing left
A shadow of
Me.
Nothing left but
Leaves fallen from their tree.
This blood that flows down
Is colored violet
This blinded eye,
A sightless white orb,
Glows in this darkness
And glows in my heart.
So corroded and rusted
The life barely flows
A forgotten relic,
A left-behind rose.
A cracked-glass
Man
All bloodied and torn.
A steampunk
****
Left behind in your
Revolution.