Run.
Dribble.
Jump.*
Send the ball through the orange hoop,
   another "nothing but net" shot.
Quick hands and even quicker feet.
"Yes! Do it again!"
Again and again and again...
The wing,
   corner,
      top of the key.
Every spot on the court.
Remember the elbow.
Follow through with the fingertips.
Run left, run right.
Better.
Faster.
Stronger.
**God, I missed this.

Look into the mirror with me.

You see that girl?

No, not me, luv.
Look at yourself, for once?

Yes, that girl.

I love that girl.

I love everything about her.

Her body.
Her mind.
Her soul -- a touch of youth, but old at heart.

The way she talks.
The way she walks.
The way she breathes -- deeply at first, but softly as she sleeps on.

The way she writes.
The way she draws.
The way she creates -- with passion, but with a calmness unlike her.

But most of all,
I love the way she loves me.

I love the way she holds my hand.
I love the way she kisses my lips.
I love the way she loves -- cautiously as if I'll break, but then unbridled when she sees that I won't.

She holds my heart in her outstretched hands...
And I won't try to take it back.

How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways...
I love you to the heavens and planets and stars
   my soul can reach, though they be out of sight
      for the ends of the sky and everlasting grace.
I love you to the level of everyday's
   most deafening want, by sun and candlelight.
I love you freely,
   as women seek Equality.
I love you purely,
   as they turn from Normality.
I love you with an unused passion,
   with my past, and with my ever-aging soul.
I love you with a love that I believed I had given away --
I love you with every smile, laugh, tear... all of my life! --
And if God willing,
I will love you until the last breath is drawn from my mouth.

Things I love about you:
your tan skin
the wrinkles next to your eyes when you smile
the green color of your eyes
the way you run
the way you walk
your ****** bag V-necks
every single line on your hands
your laugh
the way you dance
your love for St.Augustine, Florida
your addiction to Minecraft
your love of nature
your faith and trust in God
how easily you make me laugh
the way you stare when you think I don't notice
the way you scream at the spring fair
the way you relax when we ride the Ferris wheel
your obsession with lighting things on fire
the way you style your hair
how loving you are with kids
your need to spray paint EVERYTHING
the way you say my name
the way you hug me
your ability to do back flips
how fearless you are
the way you reach out to others
the way you stand up for your friends
the way you stand up for yourself
the brightness of your smile
the way you can instantly light up a room
the way you seem to draw people to you
your jokes
the way your lips purse when you become angry
how easy you are to forgive
how easily you accept others
the way you act with Buddy
the way you act with Chloe and Possum
the way you speak
how you're always there for me
how close you are to your mom
the way you always ask "Why?"
your love for architecture
your willingness to play dominoes over and over
your loving heart
how much you care for others
how unafraid you are to be yourself
your want to explore new houses
how intelligent you are
the way you never give up on me
the way you constantly persevere
how you don't know how attractive you are
the fact that you took all that time to read what
     I've just written
the way you think I don't know you love me.

No electrons were shared between -- we were a nonbonding pair.

"God is love."
Is He?
Because according to God,
the love I feel is a sin.
It's wrong to feel so loved.
Is God love when I write love poems for another woman?
When she holds my hand,
is He love then?
An understanding God accepts all love.
Is God love?

I dreamt of you again last night
God, just leave me be
You had no privelege, no right
I don't want to see
Walking in, oh, what a sight
Please, don't make me plea
These nightmares  become trite
*But remember... You no longer own me

You tap the vein and push love into my bloodstream

Lord, fill my heart with Your love
Allow me to see You with open eyes
Forgive me for my transgressions
Take my hand and lead me home

If *** is all you wanted, you could have gotten it from your hand.

When men cheat, it's below the belt. When women cheat, it's above the neck.

I've been split open
Sewn up and made new
But even the finest surgeon
Couldn't get rid of you

Lavender makes me sick
Vanilla makes me cringe
Set me free from olfactory memory
The smell is much too thick

sometimes I think my dad knows.
sees the lifelessness in my eyes,
sees the pain inside of me.

but how do I ask?

"daddy, do you see me?"

he'd probably say something like
"sure, possum, I see you.
you're beautiful and smarter than most people I know, even adults."

wrong.

he'd never understand the depth of the question.
too naive, too oblivious.
not like me at all.
so I wait.
one day he'll bring it up.
one day, I'll deny it again.
but this time,
to my own blood.

For you I'd climb the highest mountain
I'd sail the roughest sea
But when the sun sets in the west
I'm not sure you'd do the same for me

The look of the cake
It ain't always the taste
My ex girl she had
Such a beautiful face

I wanted love
But not for myself
But for the girl
So she could love herself

My next girl
Will be nothing like my ex girl
I made mistakes back then
I'll never do it again
With my next girl
She'll be nothing like my ex girl
That was a painful dance
Now I got a second chance

A beautiful face
And a wicked way
And I'm paying for her
Beautiful face every day
All that work
Over so much time If I think too hard
I might lose my mind

My next girl
Will be nothing like my ex girl
I made mistakes back then
I'll never do it again
With my next girl
She'll be nothing like my ex girl
That was a painful dance
Now I got a second chance

My mind is occupied by you --
    you're always there, awaiting the dark nighttime to stir.
Flashes of your smile appear behind my eyes when they close.
Visions of your eyes haunt my thoughts.
Memories of your voice, reading your poems aloud...

I can't seem to focus anymore.
All I can ever think about is you.

    You've become quite the distraction.

But hey, who's complaining?

I see fire
burning in the eyes
of a gunman.
I see fire
burning in the smile
of a terrorist.
I see fire
burning in the fingertips
of a child molester.
I see fire
burning in the hearts
of the people who want to make a difference.

I am slowly (but surely)
   stumbling
      crashing
         falling
            for you...

psychology is my favorite class.
not because I love studying about what makes people tick,
but because I am the only sophomore.
and since I am the only sophomore,
no one talks to me.
so I sit in my desk,
uncomfortable as hell,
and listen.
I listen to the gossip being told from ear to ear.
I listen to the lies being spread like wildfire.
I listen to the teacher telling the class to settle.
but most importantly,
**I listen to the words in my head.

What lies behind a question mark?
Nothing.
Wrong. There lies a chance to completely **** up.

For weeks, I watched you. You looked like ****. Still do, but it's better now. Your eyes aren't as dark, your face isn't as red. Yeah, you still look like ****. And it's obvious you're pretending to be alright. Unfortunately, everyone can see it. You're transparent and you don't even know it. It's painful to watch... so I decided not to.

Drag me down to the river and throw me in
Aint talkin bout the shallow but the deepest end
Take me down and hold me under
Don't let me breathe
Until you know i'm good and ready
For you to rescue me

"I'm so glad you're here."*

A sentence that holds more meaning than
you will ever know.

When I say it, I mean it two ways --
"I'm glad you're with me, someone so undeserving."
and
"I'm glad you're still with us, a world so undeserving."

My love, there would be no me without you.
You couldn't have come at a more perfect time.
Ending it would have been easy, simple.
I had it all planned out.
Hell, I had tried.
But the light you hold inside gave me hope.
Never have I been so grateful.

The only thing more deserving of you is the world itself --
Had you left us, you would not have touched so many hearts.
You have such a strength and a drive.
Put your mind to it, you could change the world.
You matter more than you think.

In all sincerity, I thank you.
Your love brought me out of the darkness.
I would not be where I am today without you.
I adore you completely and endlessly.

Abandonment
Resentment
Embarrassment
Harassment
Replacement
Punishment
Imprisonment
Detachment
Torment
Misjudgment  
Sentiment

At school
    This relationship is one to keep secret when you attend a catholic school. Two women (or men) aren't supposed to be together... but we're together. She's made me smile and cry and love like I never have before. People at school started to notice -- they started saying that I was a lesbian. When someone first told me that, I laughed. Laughed. Why were people spreading rumors like that? About me, a nobody? But then I realized that I can't always cover my heart with a sweater bearing the school crest. My heart is open, bleeding and spilling blood down my sleeve. It blends in with the crimson material. People are not blind.

2. Around our friends
     We didn't keep it a secret for long. I told my two best friends because I knew they'd accept me, no matter who I'm with. I was right. They welcomed our relationship with open arms. It was easier to love her then. We could hold hands and gaze at each other openly. With them, it feels like I'm home.

3. Around my family
     My family is tricky. My mom is accepting of gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders...  
But I wonder if she's accept me.
     My dad is a homophobe. If you're gay, stay away! The stubborn man wouldn't even touch you with a stick... But what would he think if it were me?
     My brother is ok.
     My sister is... indecisive towards us, After all, I'm in love with her best friend. And I didn't even get to tell her myself.
     Hiding it amongst my family members has become rather difficult. Not being able to hold her hand is a stab to my heart. Not being able to flaunt her everything to them is maddening...
"Leigh, how do you not have a boyfriend?"
"Well um er..."
Do they notice the way I act around her?

4. Around her family
    The most difficult task of all. They're so unaccepting of who she really is, that she hides herself away. It pains me to see the hurt in her eyes when they poke fun at gay people. I've seen it happen. Anger wells up in my chest and fills a cavity long forgotten. I long to scream "Look. Your daughter/sister/aunt/cousin's heart currently belongs to me. Yeah, me. Another girl."
I wonder what they'd say to that.

5. In public
     Today, you never know what a person's views on homosexuals are. They could be completely disgusted or humbly accepting. You just don't know. So I (we) have to be especially careful. Someone could explode on us, saying that two women loving each other is wrong or sinful or damning. I'm afraid of that. She closes up when I don't hold her hand or reciprocate her advances in public... I'm just afraid. Sometimes I'll face my fears and I'll grab her hand. Other times, I'll sneak a kiss. Most of the time, I steal a glance and then cannot tear my eyes from her beauty. Do people see the love we have for each other? Do they understand? Do they accept? Do they believe that all love is beautiful? Probably not... But I'll love her anyway.

I could've avoided falling in love
I could've saved myself the pain

Spinning around my room at 2 AM
Empty wine bottle in hand
Huge smile on my face
Cool breeze passing through the drapes
This is what it's like to be alive
This is what it's like to feel brand new

Explaining my life as a soldier can be summed up simply:
Covered in lice, starving for nourishment, and paralyzed by fear.
I have seen the dark side of this war from my position.
Life in the trenches...
It's a cycle.
A spell in the front line
A stint in the support lines
A period in reserve
It is a living hell.
Death is imminent --  
Death by enemy shelling.
Death by ******.
Or death by disease.
It hangs over our heads like clouds over the sun.
It is everywhere.
In the smell of rotting flesh, overflowing latrines.
The stench of humanity.
And the smell of battle
We know it's coming.
The question is...
When?
When will I feel my own blood on my hands?
When will I see the face of God?
When will I feel no pain?

In love, there is a sacrifice:
Your happiness for your companion's happiness.
What they enjoy may not make you happy...
But isn't it worth seeing eyes light up?
Smiles stretch across cheeks?
Shoulders rise in anticipation?
*A thousand times *yes.

Who do I cry for anymore?
Myself or lack thereof?

Spacious galaxies  
Intense heat  
A flash of light in the dark corner of a distant world...
Dark matter
Glowing nebulae
Debris of time making something new and full of promise...

...Does it hurt when a new star is born?

If meeting you was lucky,
I am the unluckiest person in the world.

I have loved you too late,
Beauty so ancient and so new.
I have loved you too late.
You were with me but I was not with you.
I was away from you, running after the beauties which you have made.
The things which exist only through you kept me far away from you.
You have called, cried out and pierced my deafness.
You have enlightened me, and my blindness is
   banished by your brightness.
I have tasted you and I am hungry for you.
You have touched me and I am on fire with longing to embrace you.

I'm officially leaving HP. I'm about to graduate high school, go to college, start a new chapter of my life... And I feel that  leaving this site behind is what's best for me. I may join another site, who knows? But for now, I'm writing in my head. Everything sounds so much better there anyway.