I will never be who you wanted me to be

Stay with me
Let's just be

Queen. ******* Queen. Brian May, Roger Taylor, and Adam Lambert? Christ, I couldn't believe it. It was going to be amazing. I had been listening to their music the whole eight hour car ride to Houston. One song that had been on repeat was the ballad "Love Of My Life". Every time I listened to that song, I cried. My love for you was so strong then, probably the strongest it had ever been. It reminded me of you. It was six o'clock by to the time we got to Houston. God, that ******* car ride was hell on my back, barely a month post-op. It was worth it. As we walked to the Toyota Center, I thought of you. I ached to have to with me, with your arm around my waist and mine around your neck. We made our way to our seats and patiently -- or not so patiently -- waited for that Q curtain to rise and for the music to spill from their legendary instruments. The curtain rose, the crowd went wild, and I felt my heart climb into my throat. Something's wrong. I looked around but everyone was cheering and singing along. I shrugged it off. That feeling continued for the next hour. The only time it subsided was towards the end of the show. Brian May walked onto the stage alone, his acoustic guitar in hand. He told the crowd that he "wasn't much a singer", but he would sing "Love Of My Life" for Freddie. As the first chords rang out, I sat down and I wept. Disgusting, silent sobs. Why? At the time, I thought it was for Freddie.
Later, I realized that it was for you.

New and improved: ten times more self destructive!

Looking back, I realize that I "forgave" you too quickly, too easily.
I allowed your lips to touch mine when really, I wanted you no where near me.
I let you into my bed weeks before I was ready to.
Revolted.
Disgusted.
Ashamed to be yours.  
My heart was cracked and bleeding.
What a ******* idiot I was.
I should've ended it then.

Maybe the stars aligned
or maybe I just changed my mind

Please don't leave me alone with my thoughts. Not now.

You promised me

Yet I side with the angels

Maybe setting it aflame would help
Add incense for good measure and taste

I wish you had the courage

I think I need to find a bigger place
Cause when you have more than you think, you need more space

My favorite uniform shirt smells like you.
The first time I kissed you, I was wearing this shirt.
Did you know that?
Do you remember something so minuscule as that?
Probably not.
Suddenly, everything in my room smells like you.
My bed sheets -- how? I've washed them seven times
   since you were in them last.
The doorway -- but only when I'm leaving, never entering.
My favorite Beck album -- makes sense. I brought
   it to your house one time so we could play it, love, then sleep.
Your smell, vanilla and the crook of your neck, permeates the corners.
I can't tell you how many sticks of incense I've burned
   in the past month.
Their musk does nothing to clothe yours.

In the beginning, a glass is empty.
Just a hollow cylinder that's patiently waiting.
It would then be filled with a liquid.
This liquid, whatever it may be, would find itself  
   permeating the glass -- adjusting to its surroundings.
Life.
It's all about your attitude.
Is the glass half full or half empty?  
Do you choose to see life in full daylight  
   or through the lens of your sunshades?
Will you simply adjust to your surroundings
   or will you boldly choose to change them?
It's all on you, really.
So tell me...
Is your glass half full or half empty?

I'm crying out for you; can't you hear my pleas?

I can't remember where I hid those pills and I'm not sure that's a good thing

I'll spend the night ripping up bedsheets and punching holes in the walls -
maybe then the pain will subside

I ask you to stay on the phone with me
so you can protect me from the demons that hide beneath the sheets and in my head

It hurts

Through it all, my heart continues to ache for you.

They only know what you want them to. The rest stays hidden and locked away deep, like aging wine in a cellar. Sooner or later, the bottles will break and spill and the fumes will be too much for anyone to handle.

I don't think you realize the kind of pain you caused. You ****** up, again and again and again. Now I'm just waiting for one of your "friends" to lose their head. Soon enough.

I didn't want you to see that Me,
a Me that's so insecure that she
can't even bring herself to smile
or laugh at your jokes...
But you did.
It was an accident.
I'm sorry.
Please don't look.
Please don't leave.

We all seem to depend on something -- drugs, sleep, music, ***, "love", relationships -- but when will we realize that the only thing we can solely depend on is ourselves?

The art of hiding doesn't come easily to me.
I'd rather be an open book
than one closed tightly with a bookmark.
I hate hiding how I feel.
I'd rather show the world,
whether they want to see it or not.
So I'll kiss your neck in chemistry
and I'll wrap my arms around your waist in history.
Let them see.
I'm not hiding anymore.

I'll just lay here, face in the sand
Each grain finding their way under my skin

Now I see you in a beautiful and different light

I didn't mean to let you see
I didn't mean to let the walls down
But once they're down, they're crumbling  
And there's no way I can rebuild them with this cement
You've seen too much
You've seen too much

I'll watch the blood slip down the drain
and not a tear will be shed

Grip my hand and follow me
I'll lead you down this twisted path
No, it's not according to plan
But I promise it's the way less travelled

Why do I have this unexplainable need to be around you at all times? It's like you've defied everything I thought I knew about love. You're the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of as my head lays upon a mascara stained pillow. How did you become such a vital part of my life so quickly? I told myself I was never going to call anyone else "my love", but here I am saying it. How did you do it, vanquish all of my demons? I thought this would make you flee, that would make you run. But you haven't budged. If anything, you've shifted closer. I could say that I've fallen for you, but I haven't. I started to fall, caught myself, leaned backwards, got pushed, and slipped into this love. Is that what this is? Love?
*Have I found love so soon after losing it?

Those cries will be with me for the rest of my life -- never resting, never fading, never ceasing their call to join them.

Get out of my head

Look what the wind
Just blew in Again
Whistling through the cracks in my door
I should’ve known, you would show up
When the cuts were not hurtin’ no more

Welcome back baby
Sit on Down
Sit on Down
Have a cup of what I have found
Since your love ain’t been around

Baby, you’ve been gone
This time too long
I’ve run outta you

Last candlelight
Flickered and died
Shining on time without you
Tell me how long, how long
Can I go on?
When you’re just gonna do what you’re gonna do.

Welcome back baby
Sit on Down
Sit on Down
Have a Cup of what I have found.
Since your love ain’t been around
Baby, you’ve been gone this time too long
I’ve run outta of you.

I don’t need it.
It’s no good for me.
I can’t bleed it.
Veins gone empty
I’ll repeat it.
It’s no good for me.
It’s no good.
No good.
No good.

Baby, you’ve been gone this time too long
I’ve run outta of you.
Out of you.
Baby, you’ve been gone this time too long
I’ve run outta of you.
Hey.
I’ve run outta you.
I’ve run outta you.
I’ve run outta you.
I’ve run. out you.
Oh Oh.  I’ve run outta you.
Out of you.
I can’t take no more
I can’t break no more
Over You
Over You

Summertime smells of you --
the crook of your neck
the space in between your thighs
the shampoo you rarely use
the flip side of your pillow
When does it end, this missing you?

I worry about you constantly- but are you worth the time, the stress, the effort?

I never meant to cause you so much pain. I miss you. Please look at me.

Tread lightly, for the ice will shatter with the tiniest of pressures

It took you too long to realize that I was just another pretty play thing

It's been a month full of
permanent smiles, resonating laughs, sleepy voices, and open hearts.
You're changing me everyday
and I couldn't be more grateful.

Breaking this habit will be more difficult than originally hoped

I was lost and alone in the shadows
Dark in my mind
My heart was trampled in the battle
Love left me blind

Then you came around and found me, baby
You took my hand
And made me stand like the man I am again

Do you see what you've done to me
Gone and washed away my misery
With your touch
You love gracefully

I was shattered into pieces
Torn to the bone
And nothing mattered. No reason
To come from under my stone

Then like the sun you fell over me, baby
You hit my eyes
And made me rise and fly and shine again

Do you see what you've done to me
Gone and washed away my misery
With your touch
You love gracefully

I’d ‘bout given up on it all
Every single little hope and dream
Then you heard it and answered my call
When you lifted me
Lifted me over the wall

Do you see what you've done to me
Gone and washed away my misery
With your touch
You love gracefully
You love gracefully
Love gracefully

You can see me, but why can't you ******* look at me?