And this guy comes up to me
His face red like a rose on a thorn bush
Like all the colours of a royal flush
And he's peeling off those dollar bills
Slapping them down
One hundred, two hundred
And I can see those fighter planes
And I can see those fighter planes
Across the mud huts as the children sleep
Through the alleys of a quiet city street
We take the staircase to the first floor
We turn the key and slowly unlock the door
As a man breathes deep into saxophone
And through the walls we hear the city groan
Outside is America
Outside is America
America

I can feel you watching me as I walk past and
I am left feeling self conscious, confused, and unsure

"I think I love you. ****, I know it's way too early and things with Rachel didn't end well and you probably aren't ready to say anything along those lines, but... I had to say it or I would've exploded. You don't have to say it back, Leigh. I just had to, still have to, say it.... I love you I love you I love you."

I kept everything

perfumed letters
a dated Polaroid photo
words of love on index cards
a half filled journal
stitches in material
a braided bracelet
several "I love you" notes
a birthday card
comedic Valentines
a photobooth collage
forever-perfect flowers
a get well soon card
pennies in an envelope
a fortune cookie wrapper  
dried up sunflowers
an apology


And I can't bring myself to trash, deface, rip, burn, or forget any of them

Two steps forward, two steps back
We watch each other fall
Me, into waiting arms
You, into the Black Dog
Which will make it out alive?

I kiss you so often because I cannot find the right words to say

We met in the middle,
like two lungs that had
suddenly joined
and realized that
they weren't
properly functioning
before.

Are you absolutely sure you could love someone like me?

Never had I felt so unwanted in my entire life. For the first time, you gave me an inkling of doubt. That inkling later turned into a stain that covered my entire heart, blocking you from it. You didn't want me. You wanted someone else. I was barely a month post-operation. My self confidence was frighteningly low. Did you notice? You always called me confident, but I wasn't. Not then. It only got worse after I read those text messages. I'm sorry I did, but I knew something was wrong. I was right. You had wanted someone who wasn't me. In a way, it felt like cheating. You would've, had there not been a strict "no touching" rule. You would've. As I read those texts, I jumped up, ran down my grandmother's hallway, and locked myself in her bedroom. My hands were shaking and my knees were weak. How could you? I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. How could you? God, it ******* hurt. It hurt it hurt it hurt. You destroyed any trust I had in you. From then on out, my trust was lacking. It never returned. Never.
One thing I've realized looking back on things is that you didn't care. You barely cried while my pain was pouring down my cheeks. You hardly blinked. You thought that I would welcome you back with open arms. You actually got upset when I wouldn't kiss you, three days after having my heart broken. *******. ******* for hurting me like that.
I should've ended it then. I should've broken your heart.
Then maybe you would have understood.

It was in indulgence, per say. A take take take situation. You took anything you could get. Heart, mind, and body. No, I didn't stop you, that's how it was. You took, I gave. But I didn't give everything away.

I thought that returning to its place of origin would help, but instead I sit and whisper to myself, willing the memories to disappear

You didn't love me, you just loved the thought of someone loving you

Lovin' so deeply, I'm in over my head

All you ever wanted was to be wanted and I couldn't give you that.

If *** is all you wanted, you could have gotten it from your hand.

I don't plan on hiding who I am anymore.
If they ask, I will answer with a somber
   "Yes, but that's over with."
or maybe a bold
    "Yes, but that's none of your business, is it?"
or most likely an energetic  
    **"Yes, and it was wonderful."

My life, your life
Don't cross them lines
What you like, what I like
Why can't we both be right?
Attacking, defending
Until there's nothing left worth winning
Your pride and my pride
Don't waste my time

I don't wanna fight no more

Take from my hand
Put in your hands
The fruit of all my grief
Lying down ain't easy
When everyone is pleasing
I can't get no relief
Living ain't no fun
The constant dedication
Keeping the water and power on
There ain't nobody left
Why can't I catch my breath?
I'm gonna work myself to death

I don't wanna fight no more

No, no, no, no

I don't wanna fight no more
I don't wanna fight, I don't wanna fight
I don't wanna fight no more

Your lips hug my pulse as your hand clutches my heart

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Where I'm supposed to be:
Pressed against your side,
your warm hand in my cold one.

Shut up and kiss me quick
Run your lips over my pulse
Drag your nails across my hips
Grip the hem of my shirt and pull  
You won't hurt me
I am not antique glass
I will not break
Go ahead
Try

"I want to see it."*
No.
It's ugly and it's a burdensome
and it shows weakness.
"Love, it's just a scar."
No.
It's unprepossessing and it's crooked
and it shows weakness.
"It doesn't. It shows strength."
...Yes.
It's healed and it's powerful
and it shows strength.

I'm tired of dealing with something so unimportant

No electrons were shared between -- we were a nonbonding pair.

Please don't make me talk about it  
                      make me repeat the cruel words she wrote
                      make me take you step by grueling step
                      make me say the words I'm struggling to spit out
                      make me explain my depression
                      make up excuses
                      make me lie
                      make me fall for you

I will silently plead, opening a gateway into my soul, in the hopes that you'll finally understand

I could listen to your midnight voice for hours, talking about nothing and yet everything.

Woe is me, black out my mind

Forget it, forget everything I said

In a society obsessed with ***,
it doesn't surprise me that
it's the center of your thought process.

Try to please too much and you'll lose who you really are

It breaks and it bleeds and I watch

You took half of me and I of you
but we'll find each other again somehow

You watch the clock tick.
You watch my fingertips as they glide across my lips.
You watch people walk by.
You watch my spine expand as I reach across the table.
You watch clouds cover the sun.
You watch my eyes as they shift and glance your way.
You watch people eat.
You watch my neck as I move my hair to the side.
You watch people speak.
You watch my lips stretch over my teeth as I slowly smile.
You watch people interact.
You watch me fall for your eyes
   and do not blink.