Curled up in a ball
Shaking on the cool tile of the floor
Flashbacks run through my head
As I sink in a whirlpool of my intrusive thoughts
Breathing is impossible
And just when I think it’s over
Another wave of memories and pain
Hits me
Tears run down my cheeks
As I wish someone was here with me
But here’s the thing
There’s not a single soul left
Who gives a ****
A single soul who cares whether I’m alive or dead
So if I’m in this much pain
If the panic overwhelms me this much
Why be alive?

Can I say that I expected this?
I know I could never hurt you
So I knew, when it ended
It would be you, that threw the final blow
Can I say, that I knew?
You wouldn’t respond to my I love yous
I knew this was coming
That doesn’t make it any easier
And I know this is better for you
And all I’ve ever cared about is your happiness
But I must say, you’ve done quite the number on me
Built me up to a place I didn’t deem possible
And managed to tear me down with just a few words
I was too insecure
I was never good enough, and for that
I am sorry

Written on my arms
Is the pain
Inside me
Written on my arms
Are the struggles
I’m fighting
Written on my arms
Is everything I’m trying to deal with
Quietly
No one knows
What my head is really like
All they see are the scars and ****** cuts
They don’t see beyond that
To the pain hidden beneath

Blood drips down my arms
I’m drowning myself in my sorrows
Or rather, blood
Sitting in the bath
Crying from a combination of the pain
Of this
And of what went on today
Too much happened
I can’t handle it
I’m a complete emotional wreck
It’s no wonder nobody wants me
So I wonder
Could I just
Disappear
Would someone notice?
Or would the world go on
Everyone hurting everyone else
As nobody realizes the pain they are causing until it’s too late
Until they lose someone and it’s my fault
Until something happens and I am filled with so much regret
I can’t handle this
I can’t handle life
Why?