the moment
i've imagined it many times
someone walks in
startles at my body
slumped
on the bathroom floor
blood
on my wrists
on the floor too
finally free
from this world
i call home
someone calls my mother
she breaks down in tears
wondering why her little girl
has decided
to disappear
when will i muster up the courage
to carry it out
what will finally push me over the edge
who knows
but i promise
when it happens
i'll be ready
to commit
to my decisions
maybe i'll jump off a bridge
or in front of a bus
maybe i'll hang
or maybe just drown
maybe i'll use poison
or maybe starve myself
maybe i'll simply down pill after pill after pill
until i pass out
who knows
only i will
until the time...
that moment arrives

until the time...
that i'm ready
to die

i carve an x
over my heart
to remind myself
not to let anyone in
because the last time i did
my heart was crushed
so now
my heart is wrapped up
in caution tape
holding it together
and keeping out
the people who care
but nobody cares
so it's just there for the sake of
reminding myself
that my heart is too easily broken
to delicate
for this world
so i'll try to escape
even just for a little while
but i will always return
to painful reality
when my arms are ******
and I'm fading out

As i look
into the mirror
i see somebody else
this isn't me.
but then, who am i?
this person
staring back at me
is familiar
like an old friend
yet as i look at her
i am overwhelmed with sadness
as if the two of us have grown apart
over the years
she follows me everywhere
i wish she would go away
i'm trapped in her shadow
stuck with her
when i try to speak
it comes out through her mouth
everything i try to do
she does instead
why am i portrayed through her
this isn't who i am
why is she here
why won't she leave
why?
go away
let me be
i try to make her leave
it doesn't work
she is still here
i think she'll be here forever
but i'm not her
we're not the same person
not anymore
go away
your work is done
now go
please go