I have to mindfuck myself
To get myself
To mind myself.
After all mom and dad knew what they were doing.

   L. Mack
     5/17/24

Stop it!
Don't ever give hope where there is none.
It is the cruelest thing you could ever do to another human being.
Hope is a wonderful thing.
But only if what your hoping for happens.
When it doesn't happen,
And you hoped and believed it would,
It will be one of the most devastating blows
You will ever experience.
It will shatter you.
It will put you into the deepest depression you've ever known.
It will make you question everything you've known.
It will make you feel alone.
It could make you suicidal.
It could make you homicidal.
It truly is the cruelest thing a human being can do
Is give hope where there is none.
Stop it!

     L.Mack
       5/16/24

I want to thank you for raising me.
I know you could have pushed me to the side,
And did things like all the other kids did.

I want to thank you for practicing wrestling moves on me.
It taught me how to defend myself.
That's why the streets didn't conquer me.

I want to thank you stepping in and taking moms place,
When I was scared and had nightmares.
You were always there to fight off my demons.

I want to thank you for teaching me,
How to open our hidden Christmas presents,
And wrapping them back up,
Without mom knowing we did.

I want to thank you for loving me unconditionally.
When I was sure no one else would.
You were always there when I felt lost and alone.

I want to thank you for standing between Dad and me.
And taking a punch in the face.
Sporting a ****** grin as your teeth slid across the floor.

I want to thank you for being so ornery.
It made life fun and interesting.
And gave me a bark along with my bite.

I want to thank you for all the times I wanted to die,
But you demanded that I live.
You never gave up on me.

I want to thank you for telling me when I was wrong,
Instead of looking the other way.
I learned accountability was mandatory.

I want to thank you for your big brother hugs,
When life felt too heavy,
And every breath felt overwhelming.

I want to thank you for not only being my brother,
But also being my parent, teacher, hero and friend.
Lessons in old school, morals and values.

I want to thank you for all the laughter you gave me.
On my good and bad days.
With it we got through all life's speed bumps.

Big brother thank you for all you taught me.
I love and miss you.
I'll see you again one day.

   L. Mack
      3/27/24

I found the solution.
If I don't have anything
then no one can take from me.
if I possess nothing
then no one can ruin what I have.
If I stop helping others
then no one can take advantage of me.
If I stop caring then no one can hurt me.

L. Mack
  2/28/2024

****, here we go again...
I know this all too well.  
I don't want to do this.
I can't watch you destroy yourself again.
I'm trapped in this bitter hell,
This unforgiving prison.
With no hope of being set free.
These are your choices,
But we both pay the consequences.
This cross is to much to bare.
Paralyzed with anxiety,
Heartbroken and shattered,
Greif strickened,
Drowning with fear,
Mourning you,
As you wither away.
There nothing I can do to save you,
All I can do is watch as you play on the train tracks,
Screaming "get off the tracks a train is coming!"
You laugh " I got this. I know what I'm doing."
Difiant, stubborn and cocky...
He is so much like me.
I have to protect him from the train.
I join him on those tracks again.
Knowing there nothing I can do.
I can't save him.
He thinks he knows it all.
And the train is coming soon.
It's the most helpless feeling ever,
Living on the train tracks to hell.


       L. Mack

           2/12/24

I called you brother.
That's a word I don't take lightly.
My real brother died.
He had always been my hero.
When I had nightmares as a child,
It was him I ran to.
My parents barely acknowledged me.
They were busy,
working continuously.
They did the best they could.
I came late in their lives.
They were in their 40s when I was born.
They had already had 5 children.
My mom must have been tired by then.
I would have been.
But it was my brother,
He was the one who really raised me.
After he died,
I search for a bond like we had had.
So many lonely years.
But then there was you.
And you were protective of me,
Just like he had been.
I had missed that safe, familiar feeling.
I loved you like a brother.
Would have done anything for you.
I needed a brother.
You needed to be heard.
And needed someone who cared.
When you went away to prison,
I was alone in this world again.
Life went downhill fast.
I missed my new brother so bad.
Felt like forever had past before you got out.
And then I seen your face.
It was the best feeling to hug my brother again.
I wanted your life to be filled with so much blessings.
You deserved to be happy,
And to go live your dreams.
I wanted all that and more for you brother.
I would have given you the world if I could.
I called you brother.
I don't take that lightly..


Lori Mack

11/19/22

When I come up,
my friends feel the love.
when my friends come up,
they forget I exist.

Lori Mack

10/6/2022