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Lori Mack Apr 22
Eric

Yesterday I was looking through my contacts
And I saw your name.
I immediately close it.
I didnt want to be reminded of the pain.
Yesterday I was looking through my photos
And there you were.
I immediately closed it.
I didn't want to cry again.
Today I was looking through my contacts
And seen your name and Goggles and Reggie's.
I was reminded of the pain.
Today I went through my photos
Only to see pictures of all 3 of you.
And I cried again.

I miss you my friend...

L. Mack
4-22-22
Lori Mack Mar 1
Friend,
It's just not gonna be the same without you. So many of us are broken over losing you. I bet your dog never stops searching for you. I'm sure your daughter will always fill empty without you. My son will grieve you for along time. He thought the world of you. Your friends... Well we are not ok. A heavy blanket of the reality of your death has covered our community. Acceptance is going to be a hard pill to swallow. You were so ******* amazing with so much love and kindness to spread. We all will miss the intelligent conversations we had with you. Our hearts will ache to see your smile just one more time. The world has become a little colder since you left.
    Love and miss you,
           Lori Mack
               01/24/22
Lori Mack Jan 18
I'm confused, baffled, unsettled. I am shamed for just existing. Most of my life Ive been treated this way.
Yet I take another breath.
I'm a child again, begging someone to give a ****.
Rejection, abandonment, ***** lil secret was my burden and cross to carry. Always has been. I don't understand why though. Guess God found it amusing or he would have made this horror movie of a life much better. Everyday I rearrange my life to fit into this stupid,small, rectangular, soffocating, tomb of a box.
I sit in this box quietly doing my best to not disturb you. Or your friends or your frequent parties. While both of those I am not allowed. I feel like a unwanted, adopted child sitting in the corner being punished. Tell me what the **** is it that I've done so bad to be shamed all my ******* life for just my existence. I just sit here and ask God why do I exist? I'm not aloud to be human anymore. But I'm supposed to watch my "friend" break every rule she ever gave me. While being looked down upon if someone comes to see me. Now she got her way only one comes to visit me. No one else is welcomed without punishment and belittling judgement. I ******* hate my life! I ******* hate this stupid, small, rectangular box! I'm in prison with a life sentence. My crime? Well it's simply cause I exist...  This is control. This is evil. You already asking me where I can take my rectanglar stupid lil box. **** I hate this box! Why don't I deserve to be wanted and valued? I treat you good and watch your back. Do I not deserve the same in return? I pay half the bills here and none of my friends can use the bathroom, take a shower or do laundry but all of your can? How is that fair? Or maybe I should just accept that you don't care and you never thought of us as friends just a come up, a lick. Maybe we were never friends. Maybe just I thought of us that way. Your taking advantage of me and I'm just supposed to sit here silently freezing in this stupid, small, rectangular box. You know I'm cold and you have two empty rooms. I offered you more money to rent one but you just ignore me. It's insanely cold at night. Last night was bad. I had to beg my dog to cuddle with me so I could get warm. You know how cold it is but you don't care. I hate this stupid, small, rectangular box! And I'm beginning to hate you too! You are cruel and not my friend. You use me. You abuse me mentally and emotionally. You are not a good person and will never have my respect and friendship again. Lesson learned. *******!


L. Mack

1/17/2022
Lori Mack Jan 4
I'm not a blessing I'm a curse. I'm not a good person. I'm a drug dealer. I supply you with the poison that numbs you and keeps you from your family. I'm not a blessing I'm a curse. I divides families and I feed on your fears. I crave to control you all in the most sadistic ways. I'm not a blessing I'm a curse. The more I sell the more my head will swell. I climbed the ladder so fast it made me dizzy. I'm not a blessing I'm a curse. Money, trades, power, control it's my ecstasy. Sometimes it's even better than ***. I'm not a blessing I'm a curse. All I have to do is shake a bag and your all mine. My perfect lil tweaked out puppet you'll be. I'm not a blessing I'm a curse. I'll have you jumping every hoop I put in front of you with your first taste. From that point on you'll worship me like God. I'm not a blessing I'm a curse.

L. Mack

1/2/22
Lori Mack Oct 2021
How could he do this to me?!?
Out the door picked up a chair threw it,
I'm so ******* hurt!
Kicked the garage door the walls shook.
How can I mean so little?!?!
I scream at the top of my lungs
"I ******* hate you ******!!
If you were a man I'd **** you!!
Let go of my son ******!!"
But I know there is no hope.
Cuz he doesn't want to stop.
Doesn't he care that I'm not making it?
Doesn't he care that I let him destroy my self-esteem while trying to save him?
He rage towards me makes me think one day he might **** me.
I'm struggling bad while he goes through money like water.
Worse he knows our eviction situation and won't help...
Everyday my own son uses me, steals from me, lies to me, degrades me and I just wanna disappear.
I want to run away but I can't leave him behind.
Can't even count on God.
I'm just His entertainment....
My life is hell...
I'm in this ****** prison
And I don't even use ******.
Maybe the only way to survive this is to do it too.
Come on it's not that hard just stick that needle in your arm.
No one cares not even God or He'd do something.
I hope this shot will make me overdose cuz I can't watch my son **** himself everyday anymore.
******* God for not doing anything *******.
But I can't get in bed with the demon that tortures my son.
This is my hell,
This is my punishment.
My mother once cursed me,
"I curse you to have a child twice as bad as you!!"
Well mom you got your wish.
Maybe I deserve this.
All I know is he didn't do anything to be cursed like this.
This is our story
Doing our term
In ****** prison...
Please God let us survive this.


L. Mack

10/7/21
Lori Mack Sep 2021
Letting myself feel is killing me.It is my cancer.It will **** me.It is killing me.And I don’t care.Just get it over with.Feelings have always been my cancer.All of my life, even as a little girl.It is deadly and lethal.It is rotting me away,From the inside out.A heart that has been broken,Over and over for so long,It does not know anything else.Everything, Everything inside of meHas been ***** and brutally torn out of me.People do not understand it, they don’t get it.This will put me in the ground.They say, “Just get over it!” My “get over its” and “starting overs” are all used up.No one know all of it, they wouldn’t believe it or couldn’t handle it.I have learned the hard lesson about “letting people in”.So I isolate, stay home, in my room.Because I see my cancer is sometimes contagious, feeds on others.This is why it is critical for me to self medicate.I do not do it for any other reason.

Allison Josie Lee

2/22/2010
Lori Mack Sep 2021
Okay here we go, let us speak about the white elephants in the game of life.

Pay close attention to what I have to say to you tonight, it may relate to you.

Do you ever feel picked on, maybe teased or a sense of self worthlessness for no reason at all? Me, too!

Have you ever wondered what was making you feel this way?

Well I’m here today to tell you my theory on the subject, it’s just my opinion,

Take it anyway you want to, but remember… you choose to keep reading this, I didn’t force this on you!

If you disagree with my poetry, then freely go about your day. I bid you well.

These are my feeling and observation through my eyes and through my life experiences.

Okay here we go, here we go. Hang on tight it’s a bumping ride.

You are now crossing over to my sight, my life, my world,

Upon arrival please be respectful of your hostess and her ways.

Okay ready, set, ready, set, here we go these are my views for you.

These announcements are for all that apply so listen closely my dear

For All those whom are after my old sunken soul,

Whether good or evil, sane or insane. This I have to beg of you.

Let go, let go, I WANT, NEED and I CRAVE the control.

This vicious, horrific, exhausting, ongoing existence we call life,

Was and still is designed by our creator….. THE ALMIGHTY GOD

Isn’t he sooo nice? Our savior, our christ,!

Deserving of worship, sacrifices, fastings and of course his weekly tides.

It is the opinion of I, and I know I’m not alone

That we are merely pawns in a game of chess.

Or it could be tug of war or rock, paper, scissors or tic tac toe for all I know.

Good vs. Evil, the oldest war ever. It will never end.

Who will win, who do we follow?

Everybody hurry up! Place you bets. Hurry, hurry!!

Which one will win you tonight?

You would think it would be quite a fight, right?!?

God with his fire and brimstone, and Satin with his extreme temptations!!

Is it just the luck of the draw? Winner takes all!?

Maybe it is more like compromises between two exhausted parents.

You know they are getting very, very old. Did we ever stop to think about that?

Devil says “I’ll trade you two sinners for one angel, a sweet one please!”

God responses “we did it your way last time, my turn to decide.”

“I’ll give you three of my purest angels for ten of your worst sinners.”

There it is. Our fate, the deal is done.

Our world is their toy box, a place to have some fun. You know, blow off some steam.

Don’t they care that we are left suffering with so much pain and agony?

Or is pain the name of the game? Are they that cruel? Could they be?

Are we to them like our pets are to us?

We love them but we don’t really know how they feel do we. Are we their pets?

I’m asking for all human kind to come together, tolerate this no more!

Come out, come out where ever you are show yourself and all your glory, oh Lord!

Let us start using our God given brains for a change.

United we stand, strongly staying in place!

We humans together, could form a army of people who are on strike. WE WILL TAKE NO MORE!!!

We were so careful not to judge , not to take sides. THIS IS YOUR WAR NOT OURS!!!!

Why are you both so vain? You have millions of children that need you now!!

But you both makes us feel like we are in a nasty divorce. This is between you don’t involve us.

God almighty, you are everything. You made everything. If you really don’t like your son Lucifer

Then destroy him. You have the power to do anything you want.. Why do you chose to play your made-up game?

It has caused so much anger, pain, grief and so much more.

We will let our built up anger and rage be heard and felt by both entities.

I’m asking for all human kind to come together, tolerate this no more!

come together, tolerate this no more!

Use our god given brains for a change and know where the blame is to be placed.

To many times we have taken the punishments resulting from their games.

Have you ever been curious, about what they look like?

Why do they hide their faces? It would help everyone involved, if they just talked and walked with us.

Wait a minute, could it be, that they maybe scared of us?

What ever the reason, it’s not good enough.

We are your children Lord, why abandon us? If there is as much love for us as you say, then why hold back?

Well that is my theory on that. Maybe it’s true maybe it’s not.

I’m just to lonely for there to be a God who loves me. Where art thou o Lord, where art thou?

Where is Karma in all of this? Karma, It has to be true, I’ve seen it work too many times.

Karma, oh, Karma, please rise from the dead and open your eyes to what has become.

Rescue your loved ones before it’s all gone.

Please Karma I think you’re the only who could save us from demise. Hurry Karma, hurry!!!!

By,

Lori Lee Mack

02/06/2010 copyright


Lori L. Mack
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