It was a whisper in my day, seven quick
words against stark white to remind me who I am:

I am the words spilling from the point of
my Pilot XGrip, carefully ordered to represent
my wandering mind.

I am a mess, the pile of laundry huddled next
to an overflowing dresser, a muddled sea of
organized chaos.

I am movement caught in the stillness of a
photograph, the buzzing blood flow of
finding moments.

I am summer, a sticky shirt and 4 am with
your arms draping over my shoulders for
the second time.

I am flapping wings and shattered thoughts, a kiss,
and eyes one inch from mine yet I have no idea
what color I am.

I am you.
And even still I am him,
the you that came before you.

I am six months ago, the night I teetered on
the railing long enough for him to tell me how
pretty I looked.

I am the stairs he joined me on, the hide out from
the party he invited me to and I couldn’t quite
fit in with.

I am train seats
and crossword puzzles,
strange professors
and picnic tables.
I am orange cheese puffs
and little kids answering
grown up questions.

I am you,
the other you,
the better you,
the you that got away.

Watch;
everything will be illuminated.
Teeth lacquered in glass shards
will bite down on plaster hearts,
Yet the sweet perfume
of your rancid breath
Will never give us life
nor Death.

Watch;
everything will be undisputed.
Vapid tastes will linger on sordid tongues.
Cover your mouths, irascible ones!
The race to end has just begun!

I am in a canyon
It’s grand & I am
What I am
Guilty by
Disassociation:
I can’t tell the
Leaves in the
Trees from the
Faces in the
Concrete

My mind is a
House of mirrors
My faith is a
House of cards
& god the
Dyslexic mixologist

I am arresting my
Happiness for
Enduring life just to
Spite me
Little do I know:

Only I want to hide myself

Mush brained
In the backseat
Fisheye vision
& car crash dreams
Little boxes fly by
Little boxes all the same

Q:
When do I get a
Little box &
Carport &
White fence &
Rolling pin &
Next to kin &
Worship pavement like
Them?

A:
I am already anchored to asphalt so
I’d rather sit here
Watching my thoughts
Trickle through
The membrane &
Stain my perceived
Self-worth

Yeah there's an undertow, but it ain't got me



It's kinda like
When you get really, really mad
I mean you're mad
And then something happens
Like a song or a certain cast of light
And you realize the reason you were mad is nothing like the reason red blood cells carry oxygen to your brain
Or the reason you love pineapple
It's nothing like the roots of the tree outside your window
And you feel pretty stupid
You scold yourself
"Stupid, silly human being"
Then you forget what you had just learned when you looked at that tree or took a deep breath
You're thinking about other things
You're thinking about what you're going to do with the time you've got before bed
Or what that rude girl at school said to you

And then it's kinda like
When you get really, really sad
I mean you're sad
And then you receive a much needed compliment from someone
And you think about how **** well you've actually got it
It's so unlike that sadness
It's just like those red blood cells and that tree outside your window
And here you are feeling silly and ignorant once more
You're thinking about all that time you wasted
But there are loved ones in your living room and a blanket on your bed
It's okay, right?



And then
Then it's kinda like blasting music in the car
It's kinda like being made to laugh during a miserable school day
It's like your favorite road to drive
Or your favorite pen to write with
It's like the rattling in your speakers
Or your brown eyes
It's like opening bottles with your teeth
Having plans for the night
Getting away with things you shouldn't have done in the first place
It's kinda like listening to your music too loud
Or brushing your teeth
It's like accidentally falling asleep
I don't know
It's kinda like that
I think
Yeah

When I die,
Leave your sorrows at home,
Wear your scarlet dress,
Meet me at the place where we met.
Not for the first time,
But where we really met.
Where I fell in love with you.
Hold your red rose in hand.
Summon me unto the promise land.

When you feel alone,
Just put on your scarlet dress.
And know that I am there,
Staring at you with yearning in my eyes,
As I did in my time with you.

Eventually,
Let the red morph to your skin,
And know its my fingers
Flowing throw your hair,
That most would mistake for the wind.

Let the scarlet bleed into your heart,
Not from it.
So that I may inhabit the only place,
That I could have described as heaven.

Promise me that you'll wear your scarlet,
When summer ends,
So that when fall arrives,
The scarlet will come alive in the trees,
And I can be with you,
As long as you take the time,
To admire the beauty of the changing leaves,
As I had many autumns ago.

There's a Russian school boy with acid in his veins
tripping when he bleeds.
There's a gypsy girl with the wanderlust disease
traveling on dreams.
Yin and Yang meet.
Strangers spilling secrets while the world speeds by,
everything dark and sinister comes out at night.
Different people when the moon shines.
Grey hound blues singing
sometimes people are destined to meet
for stranger reasons than can be seen,
things collide and transform everything.
Grey hound blues sets the stage for new beginnings.

A ghosted idea tugs at my stomach
A drifting ship in a closing fog
A half remembered dream from a restless morning
That rests precariously on the tip of my tongue
And drips
At glacial intervals
Down to the knotted cords at my center
That held the boats at port
Once