Ky - Hello Poetry

Ky May 2013

Awake

being awake hurts.
                                  If i could stay asleep life would be peaceful.
each day causes new pain.
                                                I dont remember what happy actually feels like.
i am so alone.
                          Yet im surrounded by so many people.
its always a game.
                                  Happiness is found and then crushed in moments.
life is cold.
                      I just want to be held and feel safe.
being awake hurts.
                                   let me stay asleep.

Ky May 2013

dont stay anymore

there was a day
i
got
sad.
But it stayed.
since
then
it
stays.
Theres always something
giving
it
a
reason.

to STAY.

Ky May 2013

time

time.
thats what they say will make me better.
that i just need to wait it out,
but what if i cant make it...
      what if i am already crumbling
      then how does time fix whats already broken?

time.
thats what it took to end up here.
that is what i used to destroy myself,
what i used as an ali....
     partners in crime
     stealing my sanity, innocence, life.

and time.
that thing people say will solve all and any problem.
the essence of my demise.
      time betrayed me
       time wont save me.

Ky Apr 2013

i quit

you would think by now i would get it.
that history repeats itself.
and this this isn't going to change
anytime soon.

i bring it upon myself this pain
i let myself forget what its like to hurt
only to feel it stronger each time.

its as if im climbing a wall
every now and then i get a boost up
and then suddenly and strikingly i fall back
back farther beneath where i started.

ive been knocked down too many times
i dont want to stand back up.
for fear that i will just be shoved back down again and again and again...

im done
i give in.
i quit

Ky Jan 2013

Old Toys

You know that favorite toy.
The one that was the first picked,
and in pristine condition.
How it was perfect and beautiful.
Remember how it was loved.

But at some point it was broken.
Left on the shelf to collect dust,
and now its dirt, used.
No longer good enough as is.
It would have to be fixed.

Though fixing it comes at a price.
with out fixing it whats the use,
why keep it around.
It's worthless.

But it's not always the toys fault.
people play rough, cause it to be damaged.
it was pristine, it was perfect, it was.
Then it was used.

Ky Jan 2013

Don't be afraid of the dark

There are times it would be easier to be a kid again.
There is never a problem that mom and dad couldn't fix.

There are times I wish I could be a kid again.
There are nights I want so badly to run to their room and feel safe.

There nights I wake up terrified.
There are times I can't get the images out of my head.

There are times I lie awake.
There are times I am afraid to go back to sleep.

There are days I envy younger kids.

Ky Jan 2013

Unable to Describe

What this has done to me is hard to explain.
words fail to do its destruction justice.
Afraid more of yourself than anything else.
paralyzed by the fear of the next episode.

Like the weather is always cloudy in your head.
the numbness has officially set in.
There is no such thing as calm and relaxed.
there is only stressed and attacked.

Night is when it gains strength and power.
the unseen finds it easy devour.
Strength and energy fails you.
nothing is left to support you.

Black is all that you can see.
fearing if you open your eyes what there will be.
Tremble and shake.
for the heat your body won't make.

It's terrifying to me.
something no one should see.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
its torture until it's done.

Something makes you hold on though.
something saying don't let go.
Even when you're giving in.
hope remains however thin.