Vulnerable enough to love everyone
but never naive enough to
expect anyone to love me
Because
I sat on her front porch
and rubbed her back
for three hours,
drove home in the rain
when the morning came
Never heard from her again

there's a pit inside my stomach
it was full of you last night
but today it's empty
and it aches

you once told me
that we all have a thin line
that separates love from addiction

oh how,
mine blurs and bends and fades
for you

We danced through an other back yard show tonight. You disappeared a half a dozen times, as you always do. You're notorious for that but hey, at least you've got something inside you that makes us notice when you're not beside us. Sometimes I wonder if I have that too. All I know is that no one comes looking for me every month that I hide away in my room. Well I felt especially empty these past few months. I've been plugging all of these shallow holes with needles & ear phones. I'm trying to escape the chaos of this place. I wanna go somewhere that makes it easier to pretend that you're there with me because when I look into every pair of red eyes around me, I can see that they're searching for something & they know that they won't find it in this crowd of misfits throwing punches in mosh pits, still they dance on & on & on. But I've lost the sense of independence and strength that this scene requires and I want to believe in something deeper cause on the surface this looks perfect & this looks pleasantly violent & cool & I know there are kids who look at us through the corners of their eyes & wish they had friends who dressed like mine but I don't feel like a part of this anymore. I can't live as an observer. I wanna have more to my name than "wallflower". I want a brand new reason to have ink poured under my skin. I love these people so ******* much it's horrifying but I know that when I step outside of this basement I'll still be just as ****** up in the sunlight as I was under the moon & that's not how I want to live anymore. I'm queer & I guess that's why I'm here but I need something better, I need something more

there will never be enough time
to have a meaningful conversation
with every person and that
hurts the most on winter mornings
and summer nights when i could
swear the whole world is silent,
overflowing in a pensive state,
wondering if being alone is really
lonelier than being surrounded by
people who will never hear their stories
or recognize their voices