I sat across from you every
Monday Wednesday Friday
and I fantasized about us fighting every second of it

because the cheekbones in your face beg me to
indent them
like you are made of paper and glass

I am a matchstick house
glued together with bad intentions
lighted by your glance

and the bones in your knuckles caught me off guard every time
and how the skin stretched tightly like canvas on a frame

and all I wanted was your hand around my throat
and the other one making blood spurt from my nose

so maybe its best we never really spoke

I went to my last counseling appointment today
and when i stood up to leave
I felt as if I should shake her hand

but instead I walked out that door on tentative fawn legs
I stepped into the cold
and I felt like a stranger to myself

I bought coffee and a pack of cigarettes
and stood by the same ledge I always do
but it didn’t feel the same

I have her card in my front pocket for emergencies only
I feel as if I just stepped into harsh burning sunlight
I feel like there is winter air trapped in my lungs

I've come to the conclusion that
there’s nothing really wrong with me
but there’s nothing all that right either

I was born “I'll give you something to cry about”
I was born in a barn
I was born halfway up a mountain trail

I was born “you don’t need anyone”
I was born in a nest of bees
I was born on the back of a horse

I was born “I’m only showing you once so listen up”
I was born thigh high in a stream
I was born cutting wood with an axe

I was born “here’s how you **** a chicken’
I was born in a cranberry bog
I was born of land

I was born "show them what you're made of"
I was born in thorns
I was born with blackberry juice staining my lips

I was born “there’s no reason to be scared of the dark”
I was born boots laced jacket on
I was born running

I was born “as a girl you’ll have to try twice as hard”
I was born ready
I was born walking out the front door

Why am I the happiest with
your hands around my neck

You have sharp teeth
and you leave indentions in my skin

I want to let you know that its okay
to want to crawl out of your skin

You awake with cracked bones
I chipped my jaw on your frozen over shoulder

I saw you digging in the backyard
Another hole to hide your growing secrets

I wonder when you will stop watering words
And start digging them up by the roots

I fell in love with fire at the
ripe age of seventeen years old.
I dared to flick on that lighter and
watch the sparks fly, intrigued by
how fiery the air felt.

Fancies turn to habits
Habits turn to addictions
Addictions turn to years
Years cut through naivety and
solidify into adulthood.

I flailed, I flopped,
I even stopped, dropped, and rolled
in filth, in mud, in murky waters
that rippled into a crystal ball of
an unfortunate future, indeed.

No prescription or over-the-counter reception
could soothe the burning you created.
I never realized how flammable my mind,
my heart, or my in-between places were…

As my soul smoldered
my throat choked on the smoke.
I asked for it to stop but all you heard was
“Keep going…”

You prodded, you poked, you stoked
the flames that licked from the freckle
on my foot to the freckle on my ear.
You poured out
the gasoline of selfless love and
smiled at your victory.
You crept into my life
You caught glimpses of the parts
of me hidden in secret places
You conquered my reason

Worst of all I was folded
in the hollow of your hand,
Beating around a bush
with a dead Trojan horse.

I didn’t see it coming, but I should have
known—I trusted you with my crowning jewel…
I let my guard down. Hell, I even
sharpened the knife you used to carve out my spine.
You entered my safe haven
in disguise, leaving  
a trail of matches behind and
scorching everything on your way out.

If you're alone
And I'm alone
Why don't we be alone together?

We can have a drink and
Shoot the **** and
Talk about the weather.

Because I know this world
Has got you
Shaking in your shoes.

So if you're alone
And I'm alone
Why don't we be alone together?

You seek out some therapy,
then we'll talk again.
I've said it; you make
my mind bend and spin.

You take a trip,
and when you come home
we'll patch up the rips
and spend some time
alone.