He was never yours

and nor will he ever be

I love the way Skype sent me a beating heart

Like your heart still beats for me

Do you remember
the first night I called you

And I needed help
You told me to hang on
Because you needed to show your dad something

And on the other end of the receiver I heard whispers
and maybe a muted laugh

And I know you were stressed out
I know you knew


But you asked anyways

And I forgot for a second what we talking about
Because everything stopped

And I was so jealous
that you
could have so little

but have so much,

and I


I just wanted that conversation with someone who was interested in me too

And every feeling I felt that night

I found every single one in you.

It was always so easy
So easy
To be with you
And to watch that little girl inside of me laugh

And she flicks her eyes back
To meet yours on golden gates on horizons of suns
Thousands of light beams waiting
Waiting for us

And then you just got sad
And detached

And I saw the pain in your eyes everyday
And I couldn't be that pain anymore
And you kept telling me to stop apologizing

But but I couldn't be that pain anymore

And I know how hard that summer was on you
And I'm so so so sorry I couldn't be your confide

I'm so so so sorry that our dreams turned to ashless dust in a snowstorm

And you told me it was killing you
But I think sometimes you forgot that it was killing me too

You keep saying that I wasn't this clearance rack

But I got lost in the meaning
and I forgot the context

I mean the context of what you were trying to say

You just keep saying I deserve better
I suppose

But it was an intrusive tangle of lies
Thrown in with mis spelled words
That were spoken

And you kept saying I wasn't a clearance rack

But you were the item to go quick.

Sleep was a word
With no meaning
Or boundaries

And I was here before
Sleepless
Crying on the floor

Begging, just begging
Begging that if I didn't have to sleep
I didn't have to waste time without you

And then there's you

Plagued in every single sleep
If I get any

And if I don't

You're plagued in my restless mind

every single hello that rolled off my keyboard
every single goodbye that rolled off my tongue

I couldn't help myself