we were peeing on the side of my house,
too drunk to wait for a bathroom,
laughing about something I cant remember.
(I think it was goat cheese)
and as the headlights from that **** car nearly blinded us,
you surprised me.
you held me close.
you told me you weren’t ready to lose me,
and that you loved me...not friend love, real love.
(you were slurring your words at this point,
but since i have been waiting a year to hear this,
i’ll take it)
and as tears thick with salt, relief, and regret
rolled down my cheeks,
you kissed me.


then the car honked,
and you ran toward it,
tripped,
and threw up.

god, i love you.

I fear the way you love me:
That tender-touching kiss
Seducing me to nightly
Sink deep in your abyss.

Those smooth caresses take me
To places that I dread,
Your cunning fingers rouse me
To plan such lies ahead.

But while we writhe and tumble
In lust's hypnotic hold,
I fear the final stumble
That will see the truth unfold.

I met a girl, one day or night
who taught me how to live
An empty truth, you may observe
I hope you can forgive

She spoke of something more to me,
or so she did perceive
As demons sneer at angel's wings
when tripping on their sleeves

"Where have you been tonight my dear,
I trust you will not lie?
Because lying is a bow my dear,
I trust you cannot tie?"

Lost. I had no argument.
No angle could I find.
No brilliant light bulbs brilliant light.
No swift turn of the mind.

But, amidst my overanxious thoughts,
one detail sharply stood.
Of all my prior misdirections,
this one had to be good.

"I've walked in halls of marbled stone
and well carved wooden walls.
I've talked of nations fighting wars,
and when that they might fall"

"I've conversed the winter weather wild,
heard what spring may bring.
I've bolstered men who'd have fallen down,
sang with women who cannot sing".

"And now you nag nag nag at me,
when all I want is sleep!
Why can't you leave me well alone,
when towards my dreams I creep?"

"Oh! Please do forgive me,
My most almighty Tsar.
But must One sleep with One's head,
still resting on the bar?"

That tree said
    I don't like that white car under me,
                    it smells gasoline
That other tree next to it said
    O you're always complaining
             you're a neurotic
        you can see by the way you're bent over.

                                        July 6, 1981, 8 p.m.

My feet hit the pedals like they're bricks. The wind flows through my hair like little fingers and I can almost taste the sun as it touches my lips. In this moment, I could go on forever. In this moment, I feel the warmth wrapped around my naked arms. We are one, breathing organism and I can feel every bump and bruise. We're all connected and breathing in each other's exhales; they reverberate through the wind.

I put my hand around your shoulder and somewhere someone feels the warmth. I give in to this idea.

i was born in january
but i knew the world around october
what's that to say about the cave, in which i rest now that i'm older


i used to know so many things, but growing up i did forget them
like the smell of living things and the flowers in the garden


i had seen inside the whole of a bee's busy body to find she was made out of nothing

trajilion miles into space i'd gone and found
that the corners of the universe are round

so when i felt the empty space
it scared me to assume
that i'm a heaven sent creature
on earth to suffer the ruin

In contact, lo! the flint and steel,
By sharp and flame, the thought reveal
That he the metal, she the stone,
Had cherished secretly alone.

Say you want a cat. A dog's too easy,
would wag when wag is inappropriate,
and slobber on the guests. You'll take the cat,
so different and strange, it drives you crazy,

its shiftlessness, its ins-and-outs, its chi.
You call. It does not come. Is this a pet,
this Dharma ***? You say you can't accept
its vacant gaze, its scorn, who yearned to be

at home with feral grace, with all you're not.
But you're a Body safely locked from Mind,
that Problem no Mind solves. This point's defined
for you by ****, who's not the pet you thought

but Otherness, one owned by God, or none.
Cat sleeps for hours, wants out. A job well done.

Your smile
tastes of mint smoke.
It’s refreshing
against the taste of my tears
and the drink you gave me
to stop them.
Your eyes
trace their way down
my body
seeing
knowing
touching
every little sweet spot
long forgotten.
Your hands
melt into mine;
a connection revisited.
And for a moment
I see in your gaze
that (love lust longing) we shared.
I blink
and it is gone
in the moonlight
and blinking light
from your clock.
So I close my eyes
and let the smell of tobacco
in your hair
and the smile against my lips
bring me
to a dark connection
I know far too well.
We can be together.
Just one more time.
Just for tonight.