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Once upon a time
I killed a man
I did because I'm addicted
and I needed to **** some time.
I put his body in the fabric of the couch
my friends and I sat on him
we discussed friendship and coffee
and when they mentioned the smell,
I just smiled and said it was the table.
Two boys
and girls
unclothed each other
simply at a picnic
flush with wine
alongside
sun-flecked trees.

The girls,
easy as the
forest round,
burned,
delicious,
as the boys
eager and nervous
in unequal measure
partly gave up
concealing
their joys
at forgetting
or remembering
in flickers
their bare bodies.

It went on
over nettles
and half-hours
and clambered
trees and
photos taken
almost formally
(on film,
of course).

And boyish lust,
at first sinuous,
a darting tongue,
began to
soften against,
for instance,
the sheer,
unthinkable
texture
of the two
girls carved
now backward
over the bough
of a storm-felled elm.

And there
in the embers
of evening
they learned
to thrill originally
at the vast,
gorgeous
and astonishing
irrelevance
of what
might happen next.
She says,
"Stay here, where it's safe."
But what if I don't want to be safe?

Put me in a room filled with smoke and strangers,
And music so loud
You can't hear the mistakes you're making,
Or the sins you're saying outloud.
Feed me play-time poisons,
So all my inhibitions slip right off.
And everything I feel is unreal,
Until I don't feel anything at all.
And then
With fuzzy eyes and ringing ears,
And sweat dripping down our backs,
We'll fall in lust
And call it love,
Just for tonight.
And I'll let you take a piece of me,
With little coaxing.
If you promise to remember my name...
Or my face?
Or maybe just the way my body felt against yours,
The way your hands moved over my curves,
The way I had you gasping for air,
And The way I left you wanting more.

And you'll feel it tomorrow.
When the pound in your head
And the twist in your gut
Feels more like a hole in your heart
That's shaped like me.

Or at least,
That's what I'll tell myself.
Because for those few hours,
I was on top of the world.
And from up there,
I couldn't feel the pain of being me.

She says,
"Stay here, where it's safe."
Well,
That's a risk I'm willing to take.
© December 30th, 2010 Moriah Jean

I keep meaning to write about loneliness and unrequited love, and instead end up writing about escapism. I suppose I'm just following suit.
Either way, this one is for Andrew. Because it can be and because he would understand it most of all.
My bowl is empty.

Bits, spits, and washed out leaves.

The curling twig swims through circles,
Drowning in broken squares that look like triangles.

Crying in Spanish dance halls,
To the smell of jagged smiles.

Leave me a piece, a whiff, a touch,
To sigh, sorrowfully, with sweet incense.

---

Sunflowers and posies,
Nuts and bolts,
Painters of all things lovely,

“Circle my heart,
Cut it deep, with an ‘x-‘
Your riches are buried forever.”

*06.2011
1
We are the folly,
Of youth, of life, of desire,
Adrift in mem'ry.

2
Where are they now, those
Rebels and dashing killers,
Chameleon kids.

3
They are all but grown,
Lost in a world undesigned,
Far from the school yard.

4
Still we look behind,
Towards the hills and beaches,
To days of summer.

5
Beneath an ocean,
Of stars and passing airplanes,
And a flash of Dawn.

6
Lead me to your stream,
Let me bathe in your water,
Float among the reeds.

7
Can you recall this?
Can you return to summer,
To asphalt fire?

8
She brings me to bed,
She strokes my hair, kissed my cheek,
And falls straight to sleep.

9
Now is then, and we
Drift back to days of summer,
Loathe to come back home.

10
'Twixt fields of amber,
Desert flowers in full bloom,
You danced beside me.

11
Were we so blinded?
Were we not the chosen few,
Destined for great things?

12
Alas, who can say,
If I or you are objects
Of beauty and worth?

13
You felt sun's embrace,
You heard wind's calm minuet,
You tasted sky's rain.

14
Who are you to love,
To tremble at awkward touch,
To sigh at brief gaze.

15
We were but children,
In tall grass, 'neath broad branches,
Through days of summer.

16
Oh sea, quiet surf,
In your hands I place my trust,
Guide me to the shore.

17
Porches of old wood,
Adorned with ancient varnish,
Painted eggshell white.

18
Be still, my lover,
Go where you may in spring time,
But return to me.

19
I remember those days,
Those hours of glee, of triumph,
Those seconds of joy.

20
Are they now all gone?
Are we left to pick at bones,
Of former glory?

21
Mother and father,
Brother, sister; all are here,
All are as one, free.

22
You knew me so well,
Took my failings as virtues,
My flaws gilded bright.

23
I knew you so well,
I dreamt of light and music,
A place you might love.

24
A tree once stood here,
Steadfast, elder traveller,
Now gone to new plains.

25
We made fire at night,
We pitched tents, drew pale portraits,
We lived as blithe lords.

26
Abandoned sea shells,
Stones so round they roam the beach,
A polymer bag.

27
I kept you so close,
Cleared the brush so you may lie,
Swept hair from your smile.

28
Night comes sooner, swift,
An eager rider, employed
With grim vocation.

29
Why must we now go?
Why do you see fit to leave,
With so much unspent?

30
You may not recall,
My face, my touch, my sorrow,
Yet I recall yours.

31
Still I look behind,
Towards the hills and beaches,
To days of summer.
A haiku/senryu collection for Haikuton's July endeavour. Now complete!
Some days I am Ana's teacher, some days she is mine.
This morning, we look through her kitchen window,
the one she can't get clean, cobwebs massed
between sash and pane. The sky is blue-gold, almost
the color of home.
Ana, I say, each winter
I get more lonely. Both of us would like the sun
to linger as that round fruit in June, but Ana says
it's better to forget what you used to know...
What a burning, broken universe—
incalculable, devastating,
things we can't imagine.
We attach names familiar to us
                    Titan, Europa, Calypso
but they are still mighty and immeasurable, terrifying—

but don't think of all that.
It's too big.
It's too sad.

Think of this:

It's sublime and impossible that we even exist
with our
soft flesh and our wet eyes,
our music, our sins, 
our jealous lovers,
our moments of bliss, 
and love— god, love…
more immeasurable
more incalculable
than the universe, 
than whatever it is
that the universe wonders about.

Our smallness shouldn't humble us.
We are tiny demigods
watching the universe expand
from our lawn chairs
while we eat ripe peaches
with sticky hands and smiling mouths.
Don't trust charming thieves, love;
don't trust girls like me.
Girls like me, we leave, love;

we steal your heart and leave.

Girls like me, we know, love,
when it's time to go.
We're prettier as ghosts, love;

we flicker out, then go.

— The End —