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Mar 2014 · 199
Thoughts 3/6
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
I would like to believe that I am notoriously known for the fact that I don't think anything should be wrong.
Mar 2014 · 291
His Red Rose
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
She couldn't help but weep with
A red rose in her lap and his
Fingerprints on her heart
Tears kept falling and hatred
Built in her eyes.
The rose grew pale
As her eyes shown red and
Thorns grew in her heart
Leave it to him and a red rose
To turn an angel into
A girl just like him.
She had always preferred
White roses.
Mar 2014 · 289
Untitled
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
Maybe I've disappointed all the ones
Who claim to love me.
Maybe it didn't help and
I've dreamt this feeling.
But I can think.
And the world seems clearer.
And I am not so tired.
And I can write again.
But I've disappointed her.
But...
I can think.

I think that is worth the disappointment
That she will never even know she has.
I don't plan on telling her
That I can think again.
That writing is coming out smoothly.
She shouldn't know.
At least she shouldn't know why.
She shouldn't know that I started again.
Mar 2014 · 395
Thumb shaped
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
I've had this bruise on my hand
For about 4 days
I have thought for
Hours
Upon
Hours
About where it came from.
But I will admit that I have no clue.

I noticed it Monday night
Oh, you must remember that afternoon
It was nothing compared to others
But you held my hands up against the wall
And over my head as we kissed
The black mark on my skin
Looks to be the shape of your thumb
You've never been able to hold a hand
Without your thumb over their own

We never get to hold hands anymore
That would be too complicated
Maybe we held them a little too
Tightly when given the chance.

And maybe, just maybe,
There is a bruise on the back
Of your left hand.
Mar 2014 · 507
Blackout Poem
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
Let you and I retreat to a room
And talk of it
Let it fall upon you
And question you and me.
Women come and go.
I dare to say
In a minute I
Should know you in the way
I have known perfume
That makes me digress
And I shall say that
Lonely men have
Stretched here beside you.
I have wept upon the moment
My greatness would
Have been worth you and me
Would it have been worth while
To have to question all you say?
I mean if the worth should
Mean all I meant -
Almost a fool.
I shall sing till we drown.
I had to do a blackout poem for my English class. The original poem was "The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T. S. Eliot.
:
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
It's alright if you fall in love with a girl
Who has a rather grotesque addiction.
But keep in mind that she will want it
When you ask her to give it away
And that she will,
At times,
Choose it over you.

Because it has been around longer than your suitcase
Which she expects to be moved any day now
Like all of the others who have seen
How the disease spreads over her like an ocean
But this one is blood red and there is no
Ridding her skin for there are too many stains
And not enough soap or love in the world
To clear them off of her
But she's just hoping that enough
***** and cigarettes and *** will make them fade.
She will push you away when she craves it
She will not be able to stop and you should know
It is never your fault.
She's just addicted.

Do you remember that girl you fell for in middle school?
How she smiled and laughed and kept your attention?
Do you remember how she left you?
And all you wanted was to have her back?
That is her addiction.
It is so purely sweet and blissful to her.

A warning to the one who shall fall.
It will haunt your dreams.
You'll become addicted to her like she
Is to what keeps her sane.
You will want her to stop.
You will want her to see and find something better.

You won't be the first.
She already has your suitcase packed.
Saving her is like saving...
I'm not sure what it's like...
It's like trying to save someone from drowning,
But they love to swim even if they never learned how...
That's not good enough.
It's like trying to take a blade from a cutter.
It's like stripping her from all she knows.
Mar 2014 · 289
My "Just One More"
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
So tonight
I'm letting go.

The last time I got upset at a relapse,
She told me that I was going to be okay.
That the people who love me would never
Change that because I got bad again.

I want to say I'm sorry, though.
My girl asked me to stop.
I told them all of the past 9 months.
They yelled and said they would
Check my body everyday for
Any more signs of self hatred.
But I can't think straight and
It's been a week and all they've done
Is pop a pill into my mouth and
Yelled when I couldn't calm myself
Down as quickly I used to.
So maybe it'd be okay to break
If only for tonight.

I still remember her voice that night
When I could have had her at my lips
But told her no and listened to her
Utter in a broken way,
"Just one more."
I can feel that voice showing into
My everyday conversations and
I can't shake this feeling that
I'm not complete without it.

So, as a warning,
I'm breaking tonight.

I want my poetry to start
Making sense again.
Mar 2014 · 235
Untitled
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
I have this rage building up in my chest
My heart is in your hands, so it cannot be an attack
There is a pain that leaves me breathless
But not the way you do, that is always good
You two always seem to mix
And I don't like you next to my problems
You've never been the source of them
But I put you in them anyhow.

My addictions.

I guess that makes a certain amount of sense
Heart break and withdrawal feel about the same
I'm not too sure I know what heart break is
When it is covered by the fact that I am
Two weeks clean and I still know what your hands feel like.
The last time my heart broke,
I cried on my couch for two days.
Now I'm just craving one addiction
After the other and I'm not sure which one is worse.
You or the pain I cause myself.
That pain, if any, that I get from you is hard.
The pain I cause is easy.

My addictions.

They like to sadden me.
One of them at the least.
I shouldn't call you an addiction next to it.
You are not bad for me.
You never have been.
But I'll be your poison if you'll be my addiction.
That would work out well.

I just don't want to break tonight.
The sad thing is
This makes more sense
Than I do to myself.
Mar 2014 · 270
Untitled
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
I cannot stand this demented idea that
I love you for the way
You walk away from me with a smile on your face
And that I should love you for the way you
Rank an 8.5 but you're the only one I've kissed.
I don't want to love you for your skin
Your smile and your eyes and your ***
And the way you bite your lip and the way your hand fits in mine.
I don't want to be one of those girls to you
That finds you extremely **** and hot.
I'm not one of those girls.
Girlie, I do love all of those things about you.
I truly do.

I do not tell you this enough.
Love will never be physical for me.
Love is when you write to me
And when I can't go an hour, much less a day
Without you on my mind
And how we couldn't make it three days
Without kissing
We are in love
Puppy dog stage or not
And ****, you **** me when you
Walk away, but I love you anyway.
I can't even write a poem about the girl I love
Without the demons clouding my mind
They are getting desperate.
Mar 2014 · 411
Does This Define Sane?
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
You keep telling me to start my sentences over.
Words tumble from my lips at lightning speed
Forgive me if I say something in my head that I meant to give you
And if I let you into a corner of my mind currently owned
By my confused demons

They aren't used to this kind of weather

I can't seem to be able to wrap my head around you
Or me, it seems
But they will adjust to this warmth
If you can even call it that
If you can even call me that
Warm, I mean
They like their 40 degree rainy days with the wind beating them

I keep losing every train of thought I've been handed

Has it started to show through my writing?
I can't stop my fingers from going too fast.

You keep telling me to start my sentences over.

I just can't think of what I said
Or why I said it
Or who you are
Or what I'm doing in a bathroom alone with another girl
Or why I want the distance to be closed
I can't make it make sense
Who are all these people?
There was a cockroach on my bed.
I'm going insane.
Is bad poetry a side effect of dying?
There went the John Green allusion.
I'm all out of lines and I keep stopping my fingers
To text a friend back about people I don't even know
But they come back and my mind hurts
Well,  I think it does...

TURN THE SONG YOU IDIOT

...I can't feel my mind enough to understand if it hurts
Or if the medicine is working

It has to be the medicine.
I can only think of one other thing that could make me like this.
My stomach is scars.
No cuts.
You should be proud, girlie.

You keep telling me to start my sentences over.
Feb 2014 · 1.7k
Stepping Stones
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
I'm alright with stepping stones
Water is my second best friend
Next to match boxes and lighters.
The moss that grows is deathly
Afraid of my feet
I make it a habit to giggle
When they run from my soles
So they know I'm coming
When and if I reach the riverbank,
A boy in my left hand and
Pens tucked behind my ears,
Paper and ink running through
My veins.
The fish will hear my foot steps
A mile out for their lack of sound
Clay crowds in on itself as I
Approach again
The water, always flowing
Stops mid-current for fear
I will find my pale blue eyes
Similar to its outer layer.
Some best friend.
But I'll return with a boy
In my left hand, pens falling
From my hair and no paper or
Ink in my idiotic blood
Ridden veins.
I'll come back to the
Fleeing fish,
Crowding clay,
Wary water,
And those ******
Stepping stones.
I've run all out of
Match boxes and lighters.
Feb 2014 · 228
Never Did
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
Never believed.
Told to.
So did.
Sat quietly.
Spoke softly.
Came often.
Not enough.
Given water.
Given body.
Given blood.
Six girls.
Made promises.
Gone now.
Empty words.
Cold crosses.
Still showed.
Came barely.
Sat alone.
But quietly.
Spoke never.
Told to.
Yelled to.
Asked to.
Prayed to.
Beaten to.
Pleaded to.
Could not.
Never believed.
Feb 2014 · 726
The Other Half
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
I cannot write poetry
Unless half the words are
Draped in doubt,
Splattered with guilt,
Shredded into grains,
Introduced to love
(Do be so bold
To think I can write
Poetry without once
Knowing love. Words
Need to at least have
MET the concept),
And murdered until  
SOMEONE
Will come along and
Weep at the sight of
Their corpse.
The other half?

Pronouns.
Feb 2014 · 349
Guess What It Is Called
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I'm sorry for the shortness, Anna.
And I'm also partly sad
That there is a word between you and I
But, if there had to be a word,
I'm immensely glad it is love.
Feb 2014 · 386
My Aversion
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
In the back of my mind
I hear them chiming ever so softly
They ring with a clarity
That nothing could-

Shut up, you child
That will be the death of you
In the end because puppets
Should not be so
Attracted to their poison
Do you want to shatter?


They are silver and polished
With trumpets sounding
Behind their tones
And there has never been-

This is for the weak at heart
If you do that, nothing will
Change but the fact that
Everything will be stolen
From you again
Do you want to be like your mother?


A white dress flows down
The aisle and violins play
The march of the powerful
And we think that-

Get over yourself child
No one will ever want you like that
She's just lying so that
You won't be so afraid of
What you will do to her
Don't you understand that-


No.
I love her.
She loves me.
Stop with your petty games
You killer piece of my head.
It's not today or two years away.
But ******
One day
She will ask
And I won't
Let you get in her way.
Feb 2014 · 330
röka
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
Smoke poured from her mouth
Who's to say it would **** her
They all told her that her body would collapse
But her liver was still in place
And all the drinking bottles had been smashed
When they continuously landed to point
At him
Perhaps it would have worked better
If a few others had decided to join their game

Death was poised between her finger tips
Funny how that action sounds like poison
Maybe that is why she let them meet
Her nails weren't yellow
Her art teacher had always warned her
Of the color it would make when mixed
With black
So she'd add it with purple to darken
The mixture she felt the need to create

Tar dripped from her lips
No one ever warned her that ink
Wouldn't be the thing to calm her down
English majors liked to look
At her through wire rimmed glass
And see that with every drop
Paper shrived
But she couldn't flatten any of it out
So she'd let it fall onto the edges
Which were always smooth
But what else was sharp enough
To **** her

Flames rose in her pupils
She always wondered what they saw
When her eyes lit up at the
Sight of a "yet to be soothed"
Fire
Mirrors didn't hold enough reflection
For her to see all the ways
The blue and orange turned to white
When it hit her green iris
But not the other
No one is perfect enough to be that dead
Feb 2014 · 329
Snow Day
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
Dream me has always had a way with words
But wasn't it me who told you to fall in love
Back when they told me you could never be mine
Yes, back when they stripped us down to nothing
No, that wasn't you
It was some faceless being and I hope it was a girl
Because then I wouldn't be gay for what we did
Oh, you could still be living in a cloud
But I'd rather be happy next to a mute singer
Than a dead girl who likes to smile at me
When I have her hung up against a wall
Like a pretty framed picture that I just can't get to hang right
But that's okay
When she finally gives in to the nails in her back
I'll have her straighter than an arrow
In the hands of a seven year old boy
With a bow he got from Christmas
Which was only a day or two ago
But you know how little boys can be
Can we go back to that first date
If you can even call it that
Because there were broken bottles at my toes
I like the taste of ***** in my stomach
Because it reminds me of your lips
It's been less than 24 hours since they were next to mine
That's enough to make an addict
Go crazy but it's been less than 12
Since I indulged in another addiction
But self harming isn't as fun as harming you
With the poison I put on my lips every night
Just before I fall asleep and dream of you next to me
Maybe I'm holding back while writing this
Because I hope you read these while I'm tired
Which is all the time and maybe this will put you
Next to me when it's cold outside
But no degrees will ever be able to make me stop
Cutting my stomach to pieces and you
To stop falling for a passerby on your street

After all
Isn't that how
You found me?
Feb 2014 · 390
Newberry Field
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
Yes, I remember that the rain did pound against our backs.
Perhaps that is what brought us together.
Those concrete stands are still there,
Waiting for us to rejoin them as we sat on a hill.
Maybe we wouldn't be hurting so bad
If those kids hadn't watched us hold hands
As they rolled down a hill like you told me
You had back in April across the field.
And maybe if that cheese hadn't gotten
So much rain in it, it wouldn't have
Tasted so horribly and I would have
Bought you a hot dog instead of our friend.
Maybe if my dad had told me no
And that my shirt showed too much cleavage,
We wouldn't have been scared of
Your dad seeing us from across a stadium.
And maybe, just maybe
We wouldn't be in this mess.
Feb 2014 · 203
Untitled
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
She bit it back. Whatever she had to say
It was pounding against her teeth
In the manor of an innocent man
Clutching the bars, screaming at his
Keeper for his immediate release
But, alas, no one ever came
And so her words were flowing
Over my skin but she still had
Locks in the line of her jaw
And it scares me to think her
Prisoner is screaming something
Other than "I love you."
Feb 2014 · 8.8k
Tired
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
People always tell me that the tiredness will go away with a lot of sleep and the right date
Eight hour nights have become imaginary bliss when my eyelids are clouded by your image
I told myself that I wouldn't date because you put your hands up my shirt in a bathroom one afternoon
That didn't let me sleep
Who is to say a boy would allow that type of peace
The closest I've come to sleep was when you tried to teach me to dance
I couldn't help but laugh when you taught me to turn during a waltz
Dancing is never a dying girl's forte
This tiredness has yet to go away and I'm running out of options
Old methods of waking are failing me in a way you never have
Tiredness comes from my lack of loving you the way I want to
Your hand on my leg would always bring a nice about of rest
Sitting outside for lunch is easier for you when the circumstances call for ignoring it all

AND ACCORDING TO THEM, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH ME ANYMORE SO WE HAVE TO HIDE IT AWAY AND THIS IS STARTING TO FEEL LIKE I'M JUST A PASSING PHASE AND I WANT TO BE MORE THAN JUST A NOTCH IN YOUR BEST POST BECAUSE YOU ARE MUCH MORE THAN A LINE IN A SONG AND THAT'S SAYING A LOT FOR A WRITER LIKE ME.

Apologizing is becoming a strong suit of mine
"Sorry"s keep spilling from my mouth because I want you
I'm sorry I let the tiredness eat me away a year ago
I'm sorry I want it to consume me now
I'm sorry for loving you the way I do
I'm sorry for being so tired.

But, darling.
I'm.
Just.
Tired.
Feb 2014 · 1.2k
Mother Knows Best
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
They always tell us that mother knows best
And maybe, to an extent, they are right
But what if your mother never explained to you
That it is vital to search a boy thoroughly before
You let him kiss you on your door step
Or that you don't have to say yes every time
Your friends ask for help when they are broken?
I recall being five and looking up at my mother
And she had nothing to say when I asked her
Why God brought pain to her when she
Wanted to die even though she had all of us
When he left her on a street side crying.

Mother knows best but she told me not to love girls
She told me that grand kids needed to be born
But I am only 16 and my girl loves me
And she kisses like a devil
But, then again, I don't believe in the God
That disappeared on us when my mother lost everything.

Yes, she is supposed to guide me through life
But I can't help but wonder if my kids would
Think I know best if I didn't notice their
****** sleeves and carving board souls.

I understand that mother knows best
But she has to know first.
Feb 2014 · 398
Her Window
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
"People throw rocks at things that shine."
Her window was anything but transparent
Residue and memories had embedded themselves
Into the glass and scars marked the paneling

Chipped pieces of tape from 12 years before
Grasped onto its surface because it no longer
Had a picture of a childhood best friend
To frame next to the sunshine and clouds

There was still an impression of her nine-year-old
Hand print from when she watched her mother
And father screaming in the yard and later
Silently begged her mother not to leave as
Car tires squealed on the road parallel to the window

Heat still radiated from when that boy took her
Up against the curtains and glass as
Another boy watched from the yard with
A camera and no one told her 13 was too young

Streaks cascaded down in a mixture
Of blues and grays that came from rainy
Afternoons spent weeping over the loss of
Her never failing God who had left her stranded
Far too many times, especially when it came
To the boy who left her when she lost a baby
At the age of 14 without telling her
Until she had already left the clinic

The locks and springs were broken by the time
She was 16 from almost leaving her drunken
Father practically in a comatose state
On the couch they had found on the side of a road

By the time she was 17, the once
Reflective glass was obscured by the firth
From her life lived in a multitude of change

But every night,
Pebbles hit her bedroom window.
Jan 2014 · 300
Where does it hurt?
Jessica Leigh Jan 2014
I've always been flexible enough to wrap my arms
Around my body to reach my back
Because I knew it would always be difficult
To find someone to hold me in that way
And maybe that God I don't believe in knew
That too and made it worse
By handing me away on a silver platter
To the girl inside my skin who likes to play
With matches and bundles of dried up hair
Mistaken for straw.

Someone once asked me where it hurt
Like they would a small child with
A minor cut on their knee or a **** in their face
And they asked me when I sat on a bathroom
Floor and sobbed for a girl who got her hair
Burt off from getting too close to my
Soul which had too many broken wires.

I screamed at them and showed them
My ****** wrists, saying all the while
That my skin was the last thing
To send me falling to the floor of a dark red pain
That I still see at times when I close my eyes

I've never been one to say that I have a place
For a heart but it hurts back behind all of the
Anatomy that I never bothered to learn
In high school and it feels as if all the blood
From my wrists is filling up my lungs and is seeping
Into the cracks of my virtually invisible heart
And ink spews from my lips every time
I attempt to throw "I love you"s at the back
Of your receding head.
Jan 2014 · 470
To Touch Me
Jessica Leigh Jan 2014
No, I've never touched you in the ways of lovers
Or in the ways that awe stricken girls might
Yearn to be pressed against your hands
But if it makes them let you next to me
I will say that your fingers dug into my rib cage
And rolled around my aortas until I was screaming
Softly as if someone had tested the noises
I could make in that moment when my adrenaline
Pulses through my veins and you pinch
My blood until it would clot under your nails.
I will happily say that my legs wrapped
Around your waist and my lips held yours
I will tell them about your hands behind your head
And mine gripping at your wrists.
If it would mean I could have you again,
I would lie and say that my fingers
Grasped at your core until you smiled like
I imagine you would and your eyes would
Close under my soul that you would have
Tugged out by threads found in my folds
Regarding my mind, I mean,
But if they would be okay with that lie
I would not mean the folds of my mind,
Rather the folds of my being.
They said I was lying to someone and that
They hoped it was you, but the lies I say would
Happily be for them if you got to touch me
In a lovers way years from now when
It wouldn't even matter, because you have
Touched my soul in a way a lover never could
And my heart is waiting to be warmed by
Your soft and inviting hands.

J. C.
Jan 2014 · 851
The Art of Sowing
Jessica Leigh Jan 2014
Her heart was in my palm
And if I wanted to, I could break it
Because it was my new project
To repair and stitch back together
But I'm out of needles and thread
Plus, my mother never taught me to sow
But my teachers taught me to write
And maybe I can fix her heart with
Blue and black ink and some paper

I'm not exactly sure how well
It will plaster the parts back into place
But she has beautiful eyes and a kind smile
And she kisses like my devil
And I've been told my writing saves lives
Even though my own soul is shattered
So maybe I can save her heart
WIth my glue-based pen and sticky paper
But when she wants it back
I'm sure she would hand it off
To someone who can stitch with a passion
Instead of me with nothing but
Ink stained skin and a paper thin heart
Jan 2014 · 445
Effects
Jessica Leigh Jan 2014
I am shaking.
Not of fear.
Or of pain.
But of something deeper.
Something that has taken root
here inside of me.
Others can barely see it.
But I see it in the mirror.
Behind my eyes it sleeps.
It stays there all the time,
eating at me.
Biting at my worth,
my memories,
my life.
And there is nothing I can do to **** it.
Oh but it gives me ideas.
"Cut just another slit and I'll leave."
"Fast for two more days,
then binge and purge. Then I'll go."
"One more sip of *****,
and I won't come back."
"Down twenty pills,
then you get to leave me."
One day I will learn not to listen.
But for today,
I will let it consume me.
Maybe if I don't learn,
it will swallow me.
Not whole though.
Because at that point,
I will be tiny bite sized pieces.
And when it finishes me off,
it will go for those who mourn.
As I lay in a casket,
it will seep into my loved ones.
And it continues to feed.
Until either it has you,
eating you.

Or you're dead.
Jan 2014 · 1.6k
Eyes
Jessica Leigh Jan 2014
Let me assure you that I am aware
That eyes are eyes
Wherther blue, gray, brown, green
for they see what the nose, mouth, ears
Could never begin to fathom.
And yes, I know that many of the colors
Have been given the audacity to
Make hearts flutter to a halt
While others are reduced to acquiring
Their colors from the dullest of souls.
Everyyone can see the pigments
That have surely created the
Being before them.
Yet most are blind to see,
To notice, to care, to love
What lies beneath those
Purely captivating eyes.

Blues scatter throughout
The world we know
From the sky to the ocean
To sad old men
To new baby blankets
To old denim jeans
To new paint and pens.
They run down streets
With a glimmer of emotion
To be seen by more than
Just the blues alone.
They jump and play and skip
From the soles of their feet
To the top most fragment of
Hair on their heads.
Girl envy and swoon over the
Brightness and innocence
Of those blue eyes we see everyday.

Gray for the hardest of men
And the saddest of women,
Almost stone under their lashes
Strength radiating into the eyes
Of others as they stare back in fear.
Indentations from the old beatings,
Heartbreaks, tramas, and even love.
Hard lines of black cross through
The rough outer gray surface
To produce a wall built up
From the iris, pulled and wrapped
Around the heart and mind.
And even if you put your entire
Being into tearing, ripping, crumbling
Their wall, you'll be thrown back
Wishing you had never attempted.

Brown to melt as a new born
Wraps its hand around
A mother's finger
And to glisten when a
Student grasps their torso
Because they were saved by their teacher.
A brown that never hurts
Enough to harden, but loves enough
To smile and be strong.
A brown that is patient and
Knowing, understanding, caring.
Not because they don't know hurt
But for the idea that they've been
Hurt so as to never hurt others.
They will see things that others miss
And get to know secrets that others
Cannot comprehend of imagine.
But every secret will blow at their
Melted eyes, but they will never
Turn to stone.

Green.
To look in a mirror and see the
Trees whistling by as you look out
A car window, full of hopes and dreams.
With sky blue walls and small pictures
About older and younger sisters.
A white bed and crooked teeth
To match it in color.
No make-up,hair parted in the middle
And eyes to match her mother's.
A smile on her lips and in her milky eyes.
Then her walls turned blood red
And her teeth became straight while
Her long sleeves were clutched in her fists
And her eyes no longer brightened
At people, only at things she did.
The rest of the time, her eyes held black lines
And only melted from seeing the beauty
Of life in something other than herself.

So let me ask you,
Are eyes just eyes?
Whether blue, gray, brown, green?
Do they just see what the
Nose, mouth, ears could never fathom?
And are you sure that you are not
Blind to see, to notice, to care, to love
What lies beneath those
Purely captivating eyes?
Jan 2014 · 655
I've Known Them
Jessica Leigh Jan 2014
I've known every type of person
Who has ever roamed this Earth
Known every beaten, broken, dead girl
Known every happy, brilliant, innocent boy
I may have never seen their eyes
But I've know them, none the less

I've known smiles and laugh lines
Of an old mother looking at her son
Known the sparkle in her eyes
Know the desparation in her hugs
No, my mother was never like that
But, all the same, I've known her

I've known bruises and black eyes
Of an abused five-year-old girl
Known the hatred for her father
Known the love that is still buried deep
I was never hurt like she was
But I still feel like I've known her

I've known church bells and crosses
Of a preacher long since his calling
Known his sermons and hymns
Known his passion as he spoke to the church
No, I've never believe in God
But I've known the preacher of his word

I've known ledges and pill bottles
Of a teenage boy who can't handle it anymore
Known the willingness to jump and swallow
Known the unwillingness to do so
I've never done the same as him
But I just know that I've known him

I've known music and lyrics
Of an unknown rock band
Known their words as they wrote
Known their soul behind every piece
No, I've never seen them live
But their music says I've known them

I've known cuts and razors
Of an unaccepted middle child
Known the tears she cries at night
Known the fear of being caught
I have never known that fear
But I'm confident that I've known her

I've known every type of person
Who has ever roamed this Earth
Known all the lovers, abusers, preachers
Known all the killers, players, cutters
No, I am not like any of them
But maybe that's why I'm so lost.
Jan 2014 · 652
Silky Red and White
Jessica Leigh Jan 2014
Silky white and unstained
Patches of life and death
Quilted together to create
What you hide under
In fear and hatred and love
The fabric you've torn
In anger and lust and shame
All the same it is stitched
To pieces and broken
To a whole while you
Continuously struggle
With who you have become

Your nails claw and curl
Around its base and you
Crinkle it down until it
Resembles your thoughts
And you crush it down
Like everyone does to
The hearts of innocent
Girls and boys just like you

Silky red and purely stained
Patches of life and death
Etched together to ******
What you hid under
In fear and hatred and love
The fabric they tore
In anger and lust and shame
All the same it is weaved
To pieces and broken
To a whole while they
Continuously struggle
With what you have done to yourself.
Jan 2014 · 628
Envy
Jessica Leigh Jan 2014
Collar and hip bones
Thigh gap and skinny wrists
Concave stomach
Boney ankles
It's okay to envy
Your best friend.

Straight teeth
Happy eyes
Wavy brown hair
And an iris to match
I don't see anything
Wrong with
Liking her better.

No scars on her skin
A troubled past
With few sins
A family who loves
She has so much more
Than I ever could

But she has me
To be an example
Of what to never do
Stay stong and
Always know that
She needs you too.

But you believe
Ther is no reason
For her to envy you too.

But there is so much
You know that she
Never could...
Jan 2014 · 756
Paperback Novel
Jessica Leigh Jan 2014
I am a paperback novel
Sometimes my cover is damaged
You can see where they have
Opened and closed me

My name is painted on the spine
Which anyone could break

Along my sides you can see
All the lines of frustration,
Laughter, joy, feeling
A reader left on the
Outside of me

You can even tell where they stopped
How far they've gone
How far they still have left to go

I am a paperback novel
Look inside to see
I've been marked,
Dog-eared, defaced
All the lines of confusion
And realization of a reader

They will dig into my words
Wondering what I am saying
But what can I really say
That will mean anything to them

I am a paperback novel
At the end of me you'll find
Praise from all the "important" people
Yet all they do is lie
They'll day that I was great
A well written piece
But I have a hard time believing
I am worth anything

On the back you'll find
A paragraph about me
Pulling you into my story
Because every reader believes
To some extent that they are me

I am a paperback novel
I have been damaged,
Beaten and torn
By everyone who has held me

I am a paperback novel
Come and open me up
Or so long readers hurt me
Criticized and beat me
I've finally had enough
So show me how you'd treat me
Unlike all the others
This is my one last straw
Before I get a hard cover
Because you will never see
How difficult it is to be me

A paperback novel.
Jan 2014 · 268
Grey
Jessica Leigh Jan 2014
From now on
From here until
The end of
Time I will
Spell your last
Name with an
"E" because that
Is how they
Would spell it
In places you
Would never appear
And the idea
Of never seeing
You again is
Appealing to me
In this moment.

J. C.

— The End —