Delusion!

We were told
that the Zen mind
is none other than
the ordinary mind
so we went out looking
for the ordinary mind
and we were told
that the here and now
was none other than
nirvana
so we went out looking
for the here and now
and after much painstaking searching
we arrive where we were
when we got started,
which is right here
at this moment
with our ordinary mind!

There is only one enormous entrance
to this life of eternity and infinity
and this one door is always open
so I enter it with my eyes and mind
and I see that it is just good old ordinary everything
that I have been looking at
all life long.

I have a hunch
that it is eternal
and infinite
although I don't
know it
and I have contemplated
these things
deeply
and when I do
I get frightened
so there is big eternity
and big infinity
and there is small eternity
and small infinity
and what is so surprising
is that we
are all part of it
and are it
so I can say
that me sitting here
in a suburb
of Detroit
is eternal and infinite
and that's
far out.

People do not disappear.
Do we come and go?
Are we here?

So at the bookstore
I talked to people
and realized later
that they were all there
for me
and that I was there
for them
and it filled me
with a great mind liberation
and a great love
so then
I realized
that everyone
is here for me
and that I am here
for everyone
who is here
and that's everyone
so I also realized
that evil people
are here
to test me
and that people
who just pass through
are here for me
and that people
who try to sell me stuff
are here for me,
so this
is my Sangha,
my family,
the one's I care about -
us.

Young people
really feel
a lot of pain
as do older people
who have more time
to get used to it,
and I have found
that I always hurt
and the best I can do
is to sit in a chair,
even sleep
is painful
and I think
that everybody else
and even maybe
everything else
has this kind of pain,
like the fly
in the basement
probably has
arthritis,
and a Zen master
once said
"Even if you get
to the very bottom
of Zen meditation,
there is still
suffering"
so oh well,
no pain,
no something or other.

I just discovered
that this moment
is the one
that I have been waiting for
all of my life
but really
I knew that
all my life.

Open eyes
are awakeness
and closed eyes
are sleep
so as I sat
experiencing nothingness
I was blinking
opening and closing
as day passed
in an instant
and night passed
in an instant.

blood is moving
through the body
and the head
is forgiven.

A priest
said that
because I saved
a bunch of ants
I could be
a poet
and she saw that
in my face
and I paint
a couple of faces
every day
and my koan
was what did my face
look like
before my parents
were born?
and I can't see
my face
and I used
to have terrible zits
and I felt their pain
so now, looking at
my face
from inside here
it feels like
it's concentrating
on this.

Faith is the belief in the
mind, which sometimes is
absurd. The obvious will
happen always. My pen,
not happen. Miracles
go by the numbers. When
will occur, faith is not
a thing or a thought, but
backed by reason or data
like on the internet. We,
but by the conviction of
our devices, are hypnotized,
the soul in rightousness.

I had a fear of my inside world years ago.
I thought it was my back.
I thought it was dark.
There was trouble in my head.
I thought the scene outside was where it was.
It took much study to once again love my inner world.
I loved it as a kid.
I am a kid again.

In high school
I saw the pretty girls
and felt like
I was starving for them
as though I were
without water
and those girls
were the ones
who I felt were impossible
to even say hi to
and then along came
a girl
who I was not even attracted to
who instantly seduced me
and away we went
but it went very wrong
and I wound up
a broken, angry kid
starting off all wrong
like usual.

The first precept
in Zen Buddhism
is to not harm,
but cherish all life,
and yesterday
I decided
that not only
didn't I cherish all life,
I really didn't like it
very much,
so I got angry
inside
and decided
to give up my Zen practice,
so I did,
for about fifteen hours,
when then
I went back
to doing it,
so I'm a fickle Buddhist,
the mind keeps changing
about it all the time,
but I am also
a die-hard Buddhist,
because I always seem
to go back to it,
but I'm not alone
because the old monks
in the old days
got so *******
about Zen
that they spat
on the Buddha sculpture,
but I haven't done that
yet.

The first thought
was by the right guy
and the second thought
was by the right guy
and even though
they sound different
they are both
as empty
as outer space.

It's a drug
like medicine
and I get
side effects
like tiredness
and angry thoughts
and little bits
get stuck
between my teeth
so I have to go
upstairs
and floss
and after I eat
I always seem
to feel
the need to sleep
which I often do
even as I used to
when I worked
but it's necessary stuff
to have every day
so I think
that in a few minutes
I will go downstairs
and have a pickle.

A lion is awake,
scanning two pillars
which surround
the black rock
and the wooden talisman,
safely,
in the middle.

Dream-like,
the thumping music
from a far-away room
(seen as invisible)
causes the cat
to ponder
the words

that should be forgotten.
Language disturbs the peace.

I forgive
the woman
that I married
before my parents
were born
who stabbed me
many times
as I lay in bed
killing me
and I forgive
the soldier
who pounded
my underarms
with the ****
of his rifle
and I forgive
the US government
for forcing me
into suicide
by blowing
my brains out
with a gun
pointed between
my eyes
and I forgive
myself
for doing it
and I forgive
myself
for stealing
from my parents,
stores and a school,
and I forgive
myself
for that strange
*** act
with a dog
and I forgive
my friend
for saying
that I had
a small *****
and I forgive
my family
for going crazy.
I forgive myself
for killing holy men.

Being angry
inside
is a good thing
because it makes me
feisty and awake
and being broken
sitting in a chair
with a blanket
around me
is a good thing
because a change
for the better
always seems to follow
and having a bad day
when I don't feel like doing anything
is a good thing
because it always seems
to lead to a better place
so these events
are like the next to last chords
of a cadence
which are more dissonant
and which lead home
and sleeplessness
is a good thing
because we are awake.

Chromium, selenium, and
copper, potassium, zinc,
coconut especially,
water lost in minerals.
A the good replace
source to of important
potassium. It's nuts.
Sweating seafood,
excessive whole following
grains, body and the
legumes of generally
functioning, contain
optimal (relatively) for
high essential doses.
Minerals of contains.
Zinc sweat.

I am sitting here
writing what I feel
like writing
so I will write
that I love everything
I think
and it's because
I brainwash myself
with my silly religion
every day
so that I will love everything
I think
so I am sitting here
loving everything
and everybody
I think
and I'm writing

about it.

This morning
which is night
to most people
I felt tired
of doing
the same old thing
so I made a change
and here I am.

In preparation for a gift,
a once in a lifetime
thing, the challenges
that are external
are daunting. You must
go to the Dollar Store
and impose yourself
on a thing and take it
to the inaccessible
clerk. You may flounder
with no direction,
and a feeling of weakness,
which is a symptom
of buying. It is
significant. Many great
civilizations have
effective gifts
from the Dollar Store.

Right when
us glee clubbers
were about to go
on tour,
to someplace
like New York
or England
or someplace,
but I forget where,
I quit,
and the conductor
was furious about it,
and stopped me
on the stairs,
and told me
that I would never sing
in another choral group
again,
but the next semester,
I was singing away
in choral union.

In music school,
I had to join a group
in order to graduate,
so I chose
glee club,
not because
I wanted to,
or liked glee club,
but because
it presented itself
to me,
so I loved
to sing,
but I had
a terrible voice,
so one day
we were all asked
to sing one
of our parts,
solo,
so when it got to me,
I sang,
and everybody laughed,
and I was humiliated,
but now,
much later,
I realize
that I would have laughed,
too.

There was a guy
in glee club
who was a composer
and had perfect pitch,
who wrote a cool piece
for us glee clubbers
to sing,
so, I liked it,
but there was one part
that the conductor repeatedly said
that the basses,
which I was one,
scooped the pitch,
but, I didn't think so,
so it ****** me off,
and after a performance
we had a party,
and some of us
went out back
to sing this piece,
so, right when we got
to the part
that the conductor
was talking about,
I scooped the hell
out of the pitch,
and the composer
with perfect pitch said
that he would never
perform that piece
again.

So, us guys
in the glee club
all went to a camp,
for an orientation,
and we weren't supposed to bring
any alcohol,
but I snuck in
a twelve pack
of beer,
so one night,
a few of us
were down by the lake,
and I put the beer
in the water
to make it cold,
and me and another guy
took a beer
and went off into the woods,
and smoked a joint,
and he told me
that he was an arsonist,
who liked to start fires,
so we jammed
on a log,
and meanwhile,
some young glee clubber
drank the rest of the twelve pack,
and got drunk
and made a fool
of himself.

It's a good idea
to make up
your own religion,
but be careful
that you are qualified
by studying
the ones that are
already here,
and it's a good idea
to make up
your own idea
of God or Buddha
or the Universe
or Life
or whatever you love
to love,
so it's a good idea
to reject
whatever jails you
and accept
whatever frees you,
but freedom
has two faces
and one is reckless
and one is serene,
and maybe many more qualities
but not the kind of madness
with invisible shackles
that so many of us have.

This green desk
is something beyond
my mind
because
it goes back
to the twilight
of my frat brother
and my fat father
who are long gone
my dad is dead
and my brother
divorced the family
so the green desk
remains
with me sitting here.

The body
needs a direction
to go in
so it needs someone
to guide it,
like the mind
where I sit,
invisibly,
guiding the body
and the mind,
and I have learned
a thousand techniques,
none of which truly work,
so I get lost
because the body/mind
without guidance
can certainly
get into trouble.

We experience greater health
if we dance around like
and wholeness when we're
alone and the blinds are
aware of what's happening
and dancing like a woman
in our body, start listening
to the light rain, and sit
to our intuition, and allow
ourselves to have a throat
ourselves to feel, think
and be sore.

My blond hair
parts on the right
and is straight
and thin.

My tan hair
is cut by a yogi
who has colon cancer
and I miss her.

My shorter hair
was very long
in the days of yore
like the sixties.

My brownish hair
once was
like short hair
that is in style
today
except with
butch wax
to make the front
stand up.

The tan hair
of the ladies
attracts me
especially
if it is
long and curly.

The blond hair
of my father
turned white
in his old age
but he
kept saying
that it
was blond.

What has hair
got to do
with it?
Heaven only
knows.

The hair parts      on the right side
reminding him     of all the grease

that needs soap     for the haircut
in a winter     that has some hair

growing up     on top of the heads
of the people     who they are!

Haldol is a psychiatric drug
for mental illness
that I am on,
and when it is mixed
with Zen,
a peculiar thing happens
in that everything
that Zen says to do,
I do the inverse,
so if Zen tells me to not think,
I think twenty-four hours a day,
and if Zen tells me
to eat health food,
I eat bologna sandwiches,
and if Zen says "No alcohol!",
I drink beer,
and if Zen says "No smoking",
I smoke two and a half packs
a day,
and if Zen says that everything
is impermanent,
I think
that everything is permanent,
and if Zen says
to quieten the mind,
I listen to a thousand voices
inside,
and it makes me happy,
and so,
there was beat Zen,
where anything goes,
and there is straight Zen,
where nothing goes,
and then,
there is haldol Zen,
where we go
in a completely different direction,
so, the moral
of this story is
you must find
where you're at.

Are there any thoughts
in here to write about
right now?
Sure, there is this thing
about happiness
and how it comes and goes
and never quite lasts,
about how we are miserable
one moment
and smiling the next.

I have been sailing
through the somewhat dangerous
sea of life,
seeking the new world
where there
is peace, love, happiness, wisdom, and compassion.
I sought it inside
the mind and body.
So, I found crazy mantras
and incomprehensible chants
and ways to sit
that once broke my ankle,
and a practice
of quieting the mind
that nearly killed me.
So this morning,
on Christopher Columbus Day,
I found
the true mantra
for me
and the true chant
for me,
the true words
which will bring
love, peace, happiness, wisdom and compassion,
and they are
love, peace, happiness, wisdom and compassion.
So now
I have found
my new world.
Happy Christopher Everson Day!

The mind
picked up an idea
from reading
to just relax
and vibrate with it
so the mind
since it likes to add
thought just relax
and harmonize with it
and then
just relax
and resonate with it
and I am in favor
of all these techniques
but it strikes me
that this additive nature
of the mind
creates too much
so what I have been doing
is simplifying.
I just harmonize
with everything.

You are ever alone, heard
the, the place word,
chakras? These ever
rotate, wondered what,
what they, they sing,
are sung, and thinking,
how you, they speak,
effect of you. This the
real first of written
words, text for, about
us, our reality, chakra
logic systems that
is. What in our ancient
mind sanscrit words,
and speaking is here.

The dancing man
moves in slow motion
ridding his body and mind
of unwanted ****
that he blows out of his nose
with a well-controlled breath
that took him forty years
to learn.

This moment
has a car
driving by
and all
of the little clicking
and humming
with a jet
in the sky
as the wind softly dies down
and a bird calls
to the air.

A heart of bliss
pumping up and down.
Red with a thought.

I like heaven
because it's a good life
to live
here on Earth.
I don't like hell
because it's a bad life
to live
here on Earth.
Heaven is where
you live
if it's
a nice apartment.
Hell is where
you live
if it's a bad
apartment
in a bad neighborhood.
Earth
is where we all live.
It's a nice place.
But, hell could be
living in a nice
apartment
in a good neighborhood
but you feel
like there are hornets
inside of your head
flying around
buzzing
and stinging you.
And heaven is where
you could live
in a really
crummy apartment
in a lousy neighborhood
but without
hornets.

I have had
a continuous headache
for forty years
that doesn't get
any better
but it does get
worse.

I saw
Finding Nemo
which is
a Walt Disney movie
awhile back,
and I remembered it
tonight
and the story
that it told,
so the story
is about
being home,
leaving home,
and coming back home,
so I realized
that is
a great story,
so here goes -
"I am sitting in this chair,
thinking,
I'm getting bored of it,
so what's there to do?
I know,
I'll go write a poem,
and I leave
the chair,
and go write a poem,
and then come back
to the chair
and think"
so that's the story
and I hope
you liked it.

A doctor told me
to smack the bed
with a tennis racket,
and when I was young
I beat up
my stuffed dog,
and when I got older
I attacked the trees
in the back yard,
so now in my late middle years
I hit the chair
three times
and then bow to it.

When I was really suffering
and I mean really suffering
I was lying in bed
like Brian Wilson
watching Pat ******* Robertson
and the ******* PTL Club
asking for help
from Jesus and God
and Buddha and Dharma
and Sangha and Shiva
and every other ******* god
or whatever there was or is
and they all
just made things worse
so do you know
what got me through it all
no, it wasn't the psychiatrists
or mom or dad
or brother or sister
or friends
or any of the above
all I had
to get me through
this ******* torture
was
cigarettes
yes
my holy smokes
and now
tobacco is an endangered species
but I'm ready
with my pipe
and a lifetime supply
of tobacco
so bring on
the cigarette enemies
because I think
I'll have a smoke -
Ahhh.

In an exposed room
of Zen and a pen,
I appreciate
the warm spring night
with a light bulb
     reflection
in the glass
of the present
above the head
of the seated lady
who sparkles
while holding
an empty vase,
and shifting my gaze,
the miniature birds
perch quietly,
as the table shakes
from the actions
of scribbling,
so the smiling man
with the raised sword
holds a pearl
by his heart
and one true self
reads, "The Joy
Of Dirt."

I smoke,
so cancer
is probably likely,
so since it is
and I still want to smoke,
I had to learn
how to stop worrying
about it,
so I remember
that as a little kid
my parents took me
to a movie
called, "Dr. Strangelove - Or
How I Learned
To Stop Worrying
And Love The Bomb"
and it was about
nuclear holocaust,
so since I was afraid
of that happening,
the movie
cheered me up,
because at the end
there are these beautiful images
of mushroom clouds everywhere
as a woman is singing,
"We'll meet again,
don't know where,
don't know when"
and so
in the same way
I have learned
how to stop worrying
about cancer,
and in the old days
people didn't worry
because they didn't know
about cancer,
and they lived their lives
and died at about eighty,
but now
people worry
for their whole lives
and fight cancer
if it has been found
and struggle
and die when they're
about eighty.

The poetry editors said
"No vocabulary - No poetry"
so I thought
"Great! I won't use any big words!"
and the poetry editors said
"Don't write poetry that is like a thesis"
so I thought
"Great! I'll write my philosophy!"
and they said
"We only want poetry with beautiful imagery"
so I thought
"Great! I won't write any flowery word pictures!"
and they said
"Be patient with your poetry and don't rush it"
so I thought
"Great! I'll be spontaneous and not edit anything!"
and they said
"Don't write anecdotal poetry"
so I thought
"Great! I'll write little story poems!"
and they said
"No spelling mistakes"
so I thought
"Great! I'll intentionally misspel"
and they said
"Don't write about your ordinary, mundane life"
so I thought
"Great! I'll write about my ordinary, mundane life!"
and they said
"No cliches"
so I thought
"Great! I'd love to use old tired worn-out cliches!"
and they said
"Don't be redundant"
so I thought
"Great!"
and then the Buddhist nuns suggested
that I write formlessly,
so I tried every form
I could think of,
and then the Zen master suggested
that I just write my thoughts,
so that's what I do,
although this is not exactly
how my thoughts go,
so that's how I learned to write poetry
in my personal school
of self-help stupidity!