I was in
a bar
a few years ago,
talking to a man
and a woman,
and the woman said
that the man made
fancy, expensive pens,
so I said that I had
a woody
and they both laughed loudly,
so I said that really
I had a pen called a woody
and they said that
a woody is another word
for *******
and I said oh
and the woman looked down
at my crotch.

My music
is spontaneous
and comes
from the instant
that it takes place
often without
any ideas
at all
so I am sitting
typing at the keyboard
playing little clicking tones
on my qwerty piano
writing about
nothing in particular
only this music
in its current score form
that documents
a person's existence
like this guy
here.

"If the river was whiskey and I was a diving duck, I'd swim to the bottom and drink my way back up" - unknown blues author

We shouldn't think too badly of *****
just because it is poison
and gives us a headache
and terrible nausea
Jack is not so bad
Mr. Whiskey talks in a fine way
to those who love him
but don't mistreat whiskey man
or he'll have you running around
naked
and the men in their uniforms
will come to get you.

I have an incurable disease
which I call yoyoitis
and the symptoms of it
are that I am happy as a rabbit
for a few days
and then the yoyo goes down
and I'm miserable and low
for a few days
and then up goes the yoyo again
and I'm happy as a rabbit.
It's a big pain in the ****.

So, I was sitting
in the basement,
when I decided
what I already knew,
and that is
that I believe
in kindness,
and kindness
to all being
and beings,
even the Evil One,
Mara,
so, as I thought that,
a dark shadow
appeared next to me,
and I said,
"How are you doing, Mara?"
and he replied,
in my mind,
"I will crush your head,
and defile you,
and defeat you,
and throw you into the pit!",
so, as my head
was tightening,
I thought,
"Well...ok...if you have to...",
so I had a vision
of myself in a pit,
and I thought,
"Well, I'll still be kind",
so, Mara said
in a voice in my head,
"My job is to scare people...
your job is to be kind..."
so, I thought back
to him,
"OK...it's a deal!"
then I went upstairs
to this computer
and burned a CD
to give to a friend.
So, all is well,
here...now.

One foot down. One foot down.
Stuck on the carpet.
Back slightly slumped, curved.
This is no other than enlightenment.
Neither enlightened nor not.
One sees emptiness. One sees form.
Two, I am not.
Two, we are not. Two, it is not.
If you subtract something
from infinity, it is still infinite.
So now I can forget everything
and stop seeking and just rest.

A carnation in front of me
has a white flower.

A man crosses his legs.

This notion of time being vertical.

I breathe a sigh
of relief
that this
is over.

There is
an awful war
going on
between the good
and the bad
so I've decided
to **** them both.

So I broke my nose
in high school,
and I didn't get it
fixed,
so that meant
that the air
through my nose
only went
to the left side
of my head,
and that meant
that the chi energized
my left brain,
but my right brain
was completely unenergized,
so in my travels
of learning,
I found out about
a brain balancer
which is
to put my index fingers
of both my hands
gently
right in front of
my two earlobes
and then
meditate,
breathing through
the mouth,
instead of the nose,
and I push,
gently,
on the exhale,
and I have
a great mantra
which I sing inside
as a little song,
and the first time
that I tried it,
the whole brain
opened up,
and I felt
much better.

About twenty years or so ago
I decided to apply myself
and work dilligently
at creating a life for myself
in the Arts
so I began working hard
day after day after day
every day
and every night
toiling at creating
my works of many differing arts
every day working eighteen or nineteen
hours a day

and now, twenty or so years later
I have found
that I have worked my way
right straight
to the bottom!
You can do it too
if you work hard
and apply yourself!

Being angry
inside
is a good thing
because it makes me
feisty and awake
and being broken
sitting in a chair
with a blanket
around me
is a good thing
because a change
for the better
always seems to follow
and having a bad day
when I don't feel like doing anything
is a good thing
because it always seems
to lead to a better place
so these events
are like the next to last chords
of a cadence
which are more dissonant
and which lead home
and sleeplessness
is a good thing
because we are awake.

I was thinking this morning
and it gave me a problem
so after many attempts
at right thinking
I came up
with the non-dual dharma of
neither thinking nor not thinking
and that seemed to help
but I know
that there is no dharma
of enlightenment
so that doesn't help
the thinking problem
or does it?

For hours he
is not talking,
as inside a conversation of gentle speech
is droning

with the ecstatic music
of a minimal nature and
since he has no lips, the yoga
of relaxation

is applied to his closed mouth
which has in mind the view of Buddha

who
said that mouths
are born with weapons
that cut.

I put my right index finger
on the point of my upper lip
and hold it there
then soon I explode
in a delightful ******
of kundalini rapture
so I suggest
you give it a try
and see what it does
to you.

As in ping pong, the phrases
of humor in friendly chatter

are of high importance
to those men of wisdom

playing pool
with a beer

down on the old street
where nightlife is common

such as the thief
who goes as quietly as arrows.

Music sweet,     happy birdsong
about loving     everyday life

here at home     in nirvana
which is the same     as what this is,

so, mind sings     a Great Dharani
which is the same     as music!

I am a student of Dharma
and all Dharmas are empty
so I am a student
of Dharma
with an altar at home
upstairs
and an altar at home
in the basement
so this house
has become
like a temple
that has
several smoking sections.

I bow to the television
which is part of the big mind
and turn it on
for about five seconds
in order to get
   ideas
which I then interpret
and it is divining television
much like the I Ching
so I call it
channeling the TV
and the ideas
just keep coming.

No waste here     in the office
of poetry     where we gain some

wisdom, of     course, I don't know
what that is, but     I sort of do.

When the pen     runs out of ink, fix
the thing and then     write again.

Open eyes
are awakeness
and closed eyes
are sleep
so as I sat
experiencing nothingness
I was blinking
opening and closing
as day passed
in an instant
and night passed
in an instant.

I am sitting here
writing what I feel
like writing
so I will write
that I love everything
I think
and it's because
I brainwash myself
with my silly religion
every day
so that I will love everything
I think
so I am sitting here
loving everything
and everybody
I think
and I'm writing

about it.

There's this
cigarette
burning to my left,
that I just picked up
and took a puff from,
so then I adjusted it's ash
and took another drag,
and it's got some good qualities
and it's got some bad qualities,
but what I see
is it's quality,
this white paper
smoking round
thing with the line
and lettering
that I just pick up
and smoke.

Naturally, I don't know
anything about this
but it has occurred to me
that maybe we have it all wrong
about the Anti-Christ
like maybe he or she
is not so bad after all
since it is God,
whoever that is,
that wants to **** us all
because he's probably
the big everything
so what he says goes
and God and His Son
then, have some idea,
according to the Bible
to **** just about all of us
so maybe the Anti-Christ
is some man or woman
who wants to save us all
and this 666 stuff,
which is the sign of the beast
is the sign of the animals
because animals are beasts
so he or she wants to save
all of the animals, too,
of course, the poor Anti-Christ
doesn't stand a chance
against the big everything
who can do whatever he wants
so maybe we've got it all wrong
about this stuff.

When I was a kid,
my mother
was pouring milk
and she said to me,
"Say when"
and I had no idea
what she meant by that,
but as the milk rose,
I just said, "When",
and she stopped,
so this began
a lifetime
of not knowing
when to say when,
because there is no marker
about when to stop,
so after much work
and struggle,
I found out
that I can say stop
at any time,
and I think
the sooner, the better
for many things,
and I found out
that I don't have to say stop
to many other things,
so then
up comes the other aspect of mind
called the start mind,
and that's a whole different animal
altogether.

So, a big fat poet
who is a friend
of mine,
and who likes
to wax poetically,
came to me
in a dream,
and he said,
"Enough of this simplistic stuff...
give me some complexity...
something modern...
something more like mine"
so I went upstairs
and wrote a poem
about coffee
where I artistically expounded
in great detail and exageration
about the matter of making
coffee,
and when I was done
I thought,
"Eh...it's like my old style...
no wonder I changed"
so, enough
of the Great Bards
who talked
in the accent
of a Grand Thespian
with his voice
like William Shatner,
it's back
to being simple
like me.

It's very freeing
to do a morning dance
for the Buddhas
and Bodhisattvas
while wearing
a little black dress.

So, I clear
the mind
with an oh and an ah
with my breath,
and then wait
briefly
for some thoughts
to rise up,
and then there
is the new way,
but the Buddha
wants me
to go homeless
and sit under
a tree,
so I don't exactly
follow him,
and my internal girlfriend
thinks I should have
a beer,
but I don't think so,
and then,
on the patio,
I raise up my arms
and then
put them back down.

I know
I am a loser
but in Zen
the loser wins
so you don't have to
**** me.

I have learned
a good lesson
now, in my later years,
about restraining myself,
and I didn't know
that it was a good thing
to do
when I was younger
and thought
that to go wild
was the best thing,
so I know
that tightening my belt
is painful,
and I like my belly
to be loose,
but holding back
when I want something
or stopping
when it gets too wrong
is an excellent way
that makes me
happier
than going wild
which is only
an illusion
of being
free.

It's a good idea
to make up
your own religion,
but be careful
that you are qualified
by studying
the ones that are
already here,
and it's a good idea
to make up
your own idea
of God or Buddha
or the Universe
or Life
or whatever you love
to love,
so it's a good idea
to reject
whatever jails you
and accept
whatever frees you,
but freedom
has two faces
and one is reckless
and one is serene,
and maybe many more qualities
but not the kind of madness
with invisible shackles
that so many of us have.

I used to do
a little bit
of drugs,
and even though
they didn't wreck me
too bad,
I gave them up,
but I like
to get high,
so I have invented
the imaginary drug experience,
and what you do
is to say the name
of the drug, inside,
as you breathe out,
and then,
holding your nostrils open,
you forcefully inhale, fast,
in other words,
snort,
the air,
and my notion is
that the body/mind
will understand
that you want this drug
and it will produce
an endorphine,
(brain chemical),
which is like a mild form
of that drug,
and then,
you get a little bit high,
but it's awfully subtle,
so you have to be aware,
and there
you have it,
safe dope,
and you can't
get busted.

After awhile
while studying Zen,
I began having visions
inside
of past lives,
or so I think
and these visions
are the same kind
of dreams
that I have
if I think back
a few hours ago,
so in this stage
I can get
extremely depressed
because the illusions
that I see
are so horrific,
like torture,
and being murdered,
and having my arms and legs
blown off,
but the cool thing
about this stage,
is that after the depression ends,
I feel much better
and relieved
that it's not happening
now.

Part of this mind
is furiously angry
and part of this mind
is extremely kind
and this is a condition
which applies
to my whole family
and I have been struggling
to control the anger
by letting it be
and I have been practicing
to bring out the kindness
by being right here with us
so the dual nature
of the split mind

is non-existent
in this suchness
which doesn't have
to be silent,
only loving.

Nice.

The first type
of thoughts
in my head
is music
which sings
like a heavenly
broken record
and the second type
of thoughts
in my head
is the arising mind
which seems like
the voice
of another being
and the third type
of thoughts
in my head
is the willed voice
which most think
is their self
and the trick
to mental health
is to love
all three
and allow them
to sing and speak
in balance and harmony
like a poem
with music.

I'm not complaining
right now
about life
but I really do
have a bellyache

so sometimes
like this morning
I get to *******
about the way
things are going

but then
I fix up
the *******-up thoughts
and it gets better
or so I think.

I told a young woman that life was a party, as a young man.
We were at a party.
That was obviously why I said it!

So I was doing
my Kuan Yin practice
when I bowed
to a white sculpture
of her
and decided to listen
so she thought to me
"I will tell you
anything you want
to know...
you just have to ask."
so I pondered awhile
and thought,
"What is it?"
and she thought back,
"It is what you think it is."
so I asked,
"Who am I?"
and she thought back,
"You are what you think you are."
so I thought,
"I love you, Kuan Yin."
and blew out the candle.

So I sit
in a chair
and sing quietly
a dharani
(spiritual song)
inside
myself
and tap my thumbs
against my index fingers
to the rhythm
and move my toes
up and down
to the rhythm
and breathe in
and breathe out
to the rhythm
and open my eyes
and close my eyes
to the rhythm
and close my mouth
when I breathe in
and open my mouth
when I breathe out
to the rhythm
and put my tongue
behind my front teeth
when I breathe in
and put my tongue
behind my lower teeth
when I breathe out
and gradually
slow it down
and I know
that it's difficult
but give it a try
and see what you think.

You might
get the idea,
when reading
my poetry,
that I am
some sort
of a dumb guy,
who really doesn't know
about Zen or poetry,
and really isn't very good
with the English language,
or you might
see something different,
some guy behind this stuff,
who really does
know something,
like that he really
shouldn't use the word
really so much,
and who
is sort of a tongue in cheek,
Zen wise-***
and that he actually does know
something about poetry,
and that he uses
the English language
this way
intentionally,
but the real poet's voice
is probably
none of the above,
and then there is
the real kicker,
and that is
that he is
all of the above!

Here's how I think
that life goes -
the first moment
of conception
is like a cycle
of the four seasons,
spring, summer, autumn, winter,
or like the cycle
of the moon,
or like the cycle
of a wave,
attack, sustain, decay, release,
or like the cycle
of the turning earth
in a day,
so this moment
cycles and recycles
and grows and grows
into an entire life,
and I think
the whole universe
operates this way,
of course
I could be wrong.

I was down
in the basement,
with a bottle of sake,
and I played a CD
with one of my favorite songs
from my teenage years,
so I had a shot of wine
and thought that now
I was old,
and then another song
came on,
that reminded me of ***,
and said that this trip
begins with the girls,
so as I was then
so happy,
on came a song from my youth
which is so solemn and sad
that tears began to form,
and this sadness
became strong
and noble,
so I decided to end
this small but important experience
on this powerful sadness,
and with the last minor chord,
I turned off the CD player,
with no happy ending,
and then I took a ****.

I'm fickle
like
spring weather.

Like us
the doctors
don't know
what they're doing
as they see us
for five minutes
and determine
how our health is
according to a norm
which is thought
to be good
for everybody.

I drank a cup of green tea
and immediately got sick
with the depression
from my new-found allergy
to green tea
which is supposed to be good
but to me possibly
is poison
so I had some cigarettes
and felt much better.

I forgive
the woman
that I married
before my parents
were born
who stabbed me
many times
as I lay in bed
killing me
and I forgive
the soldier
who pounded
my underarms
with the ****
of his rifle
and I forgive
the US government
for forcing me
into suicide
by blowing
my brains out
with a gun
pointed between
my eyes
and I forgive
myself
for doing it
and I forgive
myself
for stealing
from my parents,
stores and a school,
and I forgive
myself
for that strange
*** act
with a dog
and I forgive
my friend
for saying
that I had
a small *****
and I forgive
my family
for going crazy.
I forgive myself
for killing holy men.

The Zen master
addressed the gathered group
and said,
"You don't know anything."
and one of the students replied,
"What do you mean,
we don't know anything?"
and the master
was silent
and appeared puzzled,
so I now know
what the master means
by not knowing anything,
because at any given moment
I don't know a thing
and knowing for sure
is so difficult
that nobody probably does
know anything,
but I can also understand
the student's response,
because of course,
I know all about
this here and now,
or so I think,
so like me right now,
the master was silent
and puzzled,
because probably
he knew nothing.

The twentieth century artists
took art all the way
to nothingness
and I love it
so I say
that there's no
wrong way
to do art,
since there are
no real rules
and wrong art
is sometimes better
than right art,
but it seems to me
that if the artist
wants to get somewhere
they have to do it
daily
for their whole lifetime.

There is
a congressman
in the United States
who has said
that America
has thought control satellites
in outer space
beaming down
thought rays
into our heads,
and I saw this
on the sports part
of the news, weather and sports,
and the sportscaster
laughed
and thought
that the congressman
was crazy,
but what
if he isn't crazy,
and that it is a real thing,
like the delusional crazy people
have known all along,
so, I would suggest
wearing a hat
with aluminum foil
in it,
to protect us
against unwanted
brain farts.

The first thing
that comes to mind
is the reality
of a working earth
where everything
works perfectly
with its imperfection
and where we all
get what we need
even if it doesn't seem like it
and a presence
which is not a being
as I see it
but an emptiness
that is as beautiful
as space
from which anything
is born.

Devo says,
"We must repeat"
and so it goes
day in and day out
same old, same old
but we know better
actually
because change occurs
moment by moment
and everything
changes,
although it seems
the same.