In grade school
they told me
not to pursue music
because I was
so lousy at it,
so, just to show them,
I proceeded
to study music
for about
a thousand years,
and I came up
with a kind of music
which is so intentionally wrong
that it is perfect,
except not many people
seem to think so,
since I get
about three listens
to each song,
so I'm not exactly
a hit,
if you know
what I mean,
but, you know,
I think
I'm some kind
of genius Mozart
or something,
of course
maybe not.

So it went
like this -
she said,
"My therapist
thinks we
should break up."
and I replied,
"Yeah,
my psychiatrist
says that we
should break up, too."
so soon after,
we broke up.
It was like
Woody Allen
and Diane Keaton.
I didn't know
that such comedies
could actually
be real.
The way
that it appears
in my memory
is something
that isn't exactly real.
That's life!
(I think...).

I have been sailing
through the somewhat dangerous
sea of life,
seeking the new world
where there
is peace, love, happiness, wisdom, and compassion.
I sought it inside
the mind and body.
So, I found crazy mantras
and incomprehensible chants
and ways to sit
that once broke my ankle,
and a practice
of quieting the mind
that nearly killed me.
So this morning,
on Christopher Columbus Day,
I found
the true mantra
for me
and the true chant
for me,
the true words
which will bring
love, peace, happiness, wisdom and compassion,
and they are
love, peace, happiness, wisdom and compassion.
So now
I have found
my new world.
Happy Christopher Everson Day!

In my sleep
last night,
someone was talking
to me,
I think,
so I woke up
with knowledge
about the right way
to wake up,
and it's so simple
that an idiot knows it,
but the world
and all the Great Religions
don't teach it,
so here it is -
wake up gradually.
Duh.
So I opened my eyes
and got out of bed
and sat for awhile
then moved slowly
for awhile
and then sped it up
a little at a time
until I was moving
at everyday life speed.
Duh.
That is the right way to wake up.
Now we're cookin'!

So, long ago
we had the Renaissance Period,
and then there was
the Baroque Period,
and then there was
the Classical Period,
and then there was
the Romantic Period,
and then we got to
the Twentieth Century,
and we called it modern
and we called it contemporary
but we can't use
those words anymore,
so I say
we call it
the Weird-*** Period,
where every artist,
musician, playwright,
composer, poet,
and so on,
were doing weird-****.
I love this period.
So, in the sixties or so
we had the killing
of music
by John Cage
in his silent piece,
and the death
of painting
in the blank canvas,
and there must have been
a blank piece of paper
that was a poem,
and then
we had the rebirth
of art
in the work
of the minimalists,
and of course,
don't forget
the conceptual artist
who had himself shot,
so now,
we are well into
the Twenty-First Century,
so it must be
the Post Weird-*** Period,
but maybe
we should call it
the Bizarro Period,
or something like that.

So I broke my nose
in high school,
and I didn't get it
fixed,
so that meant
that the air
through my nose
only went
to the left side
of my head,
and that meant
that the chi energized
my left brain,
but my right brain
was completely unenergized,
so in my travels
of learning,
I found out about
a brain balancer
which is
to put my index fingers
of both my hands
gently
right in front of
my two earlobes
and then
meditate,
breathing through
the mouth,
instead of the nose,
and I push,
gently,
on the exhale,
and I have
a great mantra
which I sing inside
as a little song,
and the first time
that I tried it,
the whole brain
opened up,
and I felt
much better.

So the Bodhisattva said
"Emptiness is none other than form,
form is none other than emptiness"
and I have perceived
this emptiness
through years of Yoga and Zen
but the real understanding
which I have gained
about what emptiness is
and how to perceive it
can be done
in a blink,
because the greatest expression
of emptiness
is to look
at what is in front of you
at this very moment,
because at that point
the emptiness of it
is so empty
that is doesn't exist,
this space between atoms
is so empty
that you can't even perceive it,
so there,
you are now
an enlightened Buddha
with a knowledge
and perception
of the Awesome Emptiness
Of Everything.
Congratulations!