I remembered my twenty years of growing up in agony and discovered that it wasn't so bad and that I actually had a great time so now I love everything and everybody because all of the pain is gone.
The thoughts have a tendency to go down like water to their low point and that is when it is time to refresh the mind with a little practice of some kind like meditation.
After meeting and eating dinner with a Tibetan lama I thought I was saved but then a bit later my whole life collapsed but it was fun and I enjoyed the experience so I rebuilt my life by sitting in a chair.
In order to keep myself awake and mindful I am doing the things that I would ordinarily do with my right hand with my left hand so old habits are changing and so does the mind.