Here in the suburban nature of things
I sit in paradise, not seen that way by others,
and contemplate the wondrous weather
of this moment in summer
when, a few minutes ago, I was on the front porch
just sitting on a flowered chair
but inside the energy of kundalini
was streaming through my body/mind
in an explosive thrill of ecstatic feeling
as I was drinking coffee, quietly.

The birds outside
are musical
and noisy
as is
the television
in this world
where there
is always sound
unless we
can find
the bottom of it
where there
is no sound.

John Cage once told me that a crossroads was where he came to where he had to do a decision about whether to go in the direction of what he intended or in the direction of what he didn't intend and that he decided to go in the direction of what he didn't intend.
I was going to have great northern beans.
I instead ate kidney beans.
The not-doing of this doing that I am doing is always present.
See, I am resting while I am not resting.

I was washing
my hair
in the bathroom
when the secret code
revealed itself
to me
that we are off
and on
at the same time
dead while alive
alive while dead
nothing/everything
everything/nothing
so I shaved.

I proposed
in my mind
to Kwanseum Bosal
the Bodhisattva
of Great Compassion
so a little while ago
I had a dream
where I was to go
to my wedding
but I didn't want
to go
so today
I switched around
my Buddhist altars
to give Kwanseum Bosal
a permanent altar
of her own
and I decided
instead of marrying her
I would worship her.

In high school
I saw the pretty girls
and felt like
I was starving for them
as though I were
without water
and those girls
were the ones
who I felt were impossible
to even say hi to
and then along came
a girl
who I was not even attracted to
who instantly seduced me
and away we went
but it went very wrong
and I wound up
a broken, angry kid
starting off all wrong
like usual.

Back about thirty five years ago
I had the experience
of completely shutting off
this mind
and I thought later
that I had nearly died
and that it was an awful thing
but now
in my later years
I see that it was not so awful
but was actually a wonderful event
which now I practice
(although much more gently).