I've never been precocious
But Predication brought felicity
and intelligence has no relevance
like being benevolent for duplicity

remaining as reigning viciously
until my enemies show complicity
my boss wont know i was late, he
died in a car crash, what serendipity

no nihilism repair its ******* me
so im **** that it remains real
indigenous is my attitude cuz i feel
ruminative when immigrants steal

my land, and in my hand I am
holding the world so miraculous
but to live autonomous my abacus
calculates death comes to a pacifist

so goodbye i give the mass a kiss
and then give them my *** to kiss
while i ******* then after state
i am not a *******

So why I'm cantankerous
Or why I cauterize is convoluted and hard
To defend or guard but i cant ******
the shine of a star til i blow up like a petard

propensity relentlessly
Is pressing me til effusive
I talk trying to remain exclusive
to sanity But my whole life is elusive

So my proclivity limits me
and my ability cause being stupid
Is hard when ur insipid and predicted
the afflicted money addicted will get ruthless

while the medias news is
bias and newsless
but for so lomg now we new this
like stephen harper their useless

I will tell my son not to do
Drugs obviously but ****
That's like priests telling child
**** peddlers it's not right to *** kids

So I'll have to resort to this:
"son please do as I say"
And not what I did and probably
Still do when grandpa for the day

Takes u away to play,
So I'll tell him things that made
Me a hypocrite so don't have ***
With girls u don't love and I'll say

Always use a ******, even though
It really takes away
From sensation like immigration
Deported it from the land of play

Never use the service of a ******
Even if she has 2 kids
And u think fukking her would help
Her feed em, cause that's just sick

But then Ill feel so guilty from my
Hypocritical ways
Like not going to church but sending
Him with his catholic school to pray

As echoes of my words that say
**** is no gateway to others
Are heard in my head but now I'll
Preach it so over protective I smother

And suffocate, and screen his dates
And call him on the phone
Until I'm that parent ur friends
Make fun of, never leaving him alone

Cause I can love myself but a clone
In my son I would hate
But if karmas real I maybe in
For a scary ride of parenthood...great

Cause as I think back I realize
That my parents would freak when they
found out about about ****, which
makes me think of all the **** I got away

With, and I start to flip, so I
Debate starting to hide some devices
All over my apartment and tap the
****** phone and no I don't like this

But it needs to be done,
after all He's my son
I had no ****** brain and I was
dangerous, imagine him, not dumb

I brought u in this world son!
So u better bet I can take u out
Now I'm saying **** I heard and said I'd
never say even though i Promised myself

I don't trust a mall Santa or his
****** ****** elf And mrs clause is a ****
Tell me the truth son! Is he ur drug
Supplier, I saw his knee under ur ****!!

Maybe I'm just paranoid plus he's
Not even one yrs old I'm trippin
But I'm not so crazy if family guys
Accurate maybe my kids like Stevie Griffin

Trying to **** my girl, ya! Good luck
I been trying for years
But can't get away wit nothin cause who
Ur ****** is prime suspect and here

Is where I try to convince myself
To just let the kid make mistakes
The girl next store will be fine,
Let him learn on his own that ****

Was the wrong way to go
Even if she was already a ***
All I want is to make sure he doesn't
Go down the same path I know

That I'm lucky I walked through
Without dying before I had u
So Julian at 16 yrs old ima take my
Belt like old school people would do

And beat ur *** with it like it was
A million beatings in one
Then explain that was for all the ****
U do and will do, and all that uve done

That u know u wernt suppose to do but Without me knowing,
Then never say **** to him again and
pray while I support him when growing

And get a pair of lawyers in cause
My pair-a-noias actually apt
And maybe one day he won't hate me
For random drug tests for crack

******, ***, methamphetamines
And anything else
That feels good, as I religiously raid
His room, then end up doing the house

After finding nothing in ur room
Screaming where is it, where is it
I know ur up to something cause u have my blood in u "explicit, explicit""

And ask him paranoid fuelled
Questions in anger, killing his joy
U missed ur period this month didn't u!
Don't lie to me!! .."dad ***?..I'm a boy?!!

Then embarrassed and frantic
I'll ask him If he's sure
Then hed say yes dad I promise,
I'll never be stupid as u were

...or at least I hope. Just please god
Dont let him suffer
For my mistakes. Guide him to diffrent
or I'll **** him&giv;; his name 2 his brother

Ok I'm just kidding, I want my
Kid to be living
I want him to be educated, successful
Well respected and giving

And Julian if u read this one
Day, I hope u know I worry
And maybe u don't understand right
Now but trust me u will when ur 30

She said"am I dying?"
As lots of blood departed
So much blood Moses would
Mistakenly try to part it

And since her screams started
In fear and confusion
I've been panicked its satanic
The imagery it's producing

And all she kept asking me
Why this is happening to her
And the pain made her cranky
And I just wasn't sure

What to say or what to do
"I'm only looking after u
Whille ur parents are gone
I'm just as ****** scared as u"

Then she asked for me to look
At it and see just how bad
It is and even though I said no
She persisted and then her dad

And mom came home to
See me and their daughter
****** and frantic, and that's
When her father

Asked me to stop examing
His daughter so well
As her pants were off and in
The panic I could hardly tell

Even though she's clearly
Bottomless but was distracted by fear
Since that day I can no longer
Watch horror films and it's been years

And when I run into her she acts
Like it was no big deal
But her screams and squeals
Still makes my stomach feel

So Uneasy that I get queezy
When my steaks medium rare
Knowing the meats been marinating
In its own blood and I swear

I literally have flashbacks
Start to sweat, I even gag
I hope I'm never around again the
a 12yr old comes on her first rag

She said she was a twin
And had a twin sibling
So right away as I'm not gay
You know what I'm thinking

And if not then I'll simply
Be abundantly clear
A ménage trios is wut a man
Fantasizes will appear

So I imply and she hears
Understands and says hey
"if that's wut u want then I will do
It cause I love u" and so I wait

For her twin siblings arrival
Still In shock that my girl
Is willing so I'm praising her in
My head, as best in the world

And as the doorbell rings she smiles
As I jump so eager
And I'm not the only one as my
Girl looks happy to greet her

So as she answers the door
And invites her sibling inside
They both walk where I sit in the
Living room so I

Lift my head from the magazine
I have been pretending to read
As they stand infront of me now
And as my girl introduces me

My face has shock as my
Sister talks and grins
Saying *** this is my twin
His names James but likes Jim

And he's **** ****** incase u
Still want to get
Freaky she says laughing
Walking away and yes

Twins are opposite ***
Sometimes I forgot
Now wut the hell am I gonna do
With this rock hard ****

In a dark corner I sit in a ball
arms holding my knees to my chest
Trying to digest the stress I feel pressed against my neck
Like it wants me not to breathe
Not even sure of what to believe
What are my beliefs
And is it all just a placebo relief from whatever grief until we can find our next piece of happiness
Or is this as good as it gets
Left with the memories that are
Suppose to comfort me
Instead they remind me of what I lost
All i see is the loss and the cost of taking it for granted
So now I pay in regret for wut I don't have left while I try to collect all the
Pieces to correct a shattered life
That lost respect
Both mine and those around me but surround me as if to drown me by
Pounding my made mistakes in my
Face like the stake to a vampires heart
My only residule is this art that
I was never smart enough to use
Properly
but it is my only property
And All my life has to offer me
And so I offer these to you
In hopes that once it's spoke
I can say it wasn't all for nothing
That my heart was broke
That my spirit was gone
That my soul was *****
That those that depended on me
Remain hungry and thirsty
And onthe end I warn u if u wish for life not to scourn you
Don't be like me and let ur insecurities pour through
Don't feel sorry for urself oh poor u
Cause u can't afford to
So I implore u and inform u
That poisonous is self doubt
Or bath in ur own tears smelling like
Failure and no one can help
Take it from me a man who
Couldn't learn to believe In himself......

Sometimes it's easier to
Complain and sometimes
I do it outta habit and like
Love it can blind

So I decided to point out
All the things I got
Cause sometimes i cannot
But Unappreciative I'm not

For the beauty amidst the
Disaster the lining of silver
The people around me that
Stand as a pillar

To hold up all i juggle to
Make sure it dont fall
The blessings the people
The reasons I stand tall

The seemingly small
That I inadvertently take
For granted like its advantage
Was owed so I make

That ignorant mistake
The reason I write this
And admit it to urself that
We all can be like this

And my way to right this
Is to bring it to light
Cause I wish not to look
Ungreatful if I'm taken tonight

Cause for all that I might
Wish to get or that I had
Is a loss far less in comparison
To what I have

A sister mom and dad
Plus getting to be a dad
My car my apartment my
Friends and I'm glad

I have been so lucky cause
It's an honor to be
A part of there lives cause
Those special to me

Are worth more than anything
I feel I never possessed
Cause if u never recognize it
It's meaningless to even be blessed

So before all the stress
Starts to press again
And u hear me ***** about
All the things I intend

To have but don't pretend
That I said nothing at all
Cause frustration comes out
Of the mouth sounding small

And bitter, ungreateful
Greedy and whinny
But measured against the
Treasures I have it's tiny

And at the time it's hard to
See and hard to express
And deep down I do accept
That I have already been blessed

But we all wish to progress
No matter how much we have
And while doing so its easy
To forget things arnt so bad

So ill try to read this poem
Once a week to remind me
That I already got the greatest
Loved ones behind me

I already have all the things
Any person could ever need
I shouldn't need to be a slave
To finally appreciate bein free

I shouldn't have to be paraplegic
Or get my legs lost
To realize how lucky I am
That I can even walk

Cause not being blind terminally
Ill or constantly hungry
Doesn't mean I should forget
I could be but I have been lucky

And it can b hard to love me
But many still do
And it's sad that sometimes I
Forget in bad moods

That I am blessed I am lucky
I am chasing dreams and steady
So I tend to forget that fact
That I am living one already ......

I give my life to this poem
I give my soul to the words within
My emotion lives like an ocean
As its body of water that lives

And breathes like a sea full
Of tears of joy
Mixed with the tears of the
Lonely or lost now annoyed

I give my time and my all
No matter big in size or small
Sometimes a message doesn't
Need even 1 paragraph at all

I pledge to rise and then fall
Within these lines and not
Within the lines that confines
My mind until the line is crossed

I sacrifice myself as the cost
If it means others proceed
Cuz no matter how amazing u are
U gotta hope to inspire a breed

That will be better and supersede
Like our seeds were super
I wanna move u, and move more
Than a 9-5 career mover

It's a passion without ration
As it tends to limit length
Distance freedom of speech
And all that's meant to have strength

So I'm satisfied if I end
No richer but still liberation
Comes from the power held
When u expel true inspiration

Literary diarrhea no constipation
Feelings r condensation cuz
If its hot or cold enough it
Creates its own reaction with buzz

So I give all I am and ever was
To these sentences that express
The faith and hope I possess
Praying it has some effect

I give my blood my sweat
My experiences, my fears
So that it eases the next person
U thought they were alone here

I give myself to this poem
and leave it for those who need to
find courage, strength or hope and to
provide warmth as lifes cold winds blew

I give myself to this poem
so it can give me to you
And if I'm lucky u will carry a
Piece of it along wit u too

So I give myself to this poem
so it can give me to you .....
and i will live on as pieces of each
person i touched and got through to...