It's not enough to complain
It's not enough to feel shame
It's not enough to give up after
U fail. It's not enough to go blame

The neighborhood u grew in
Or the ppl u were around
No excuse is enough to justify
So u can just deny knowing how

so if you need to work
3 jobs, while u scratch and claw
your way to whatever dream thay lay
awaiting you to sink teeth and lock ur jaw

break your enemy and the law
create a strength with ur flaw
like having deadly aids and using it
to **** ur enemy by sleeping with his wife or dog

whatever it takes do the job
be stubborn and never listen
to the dreamkilling dream-***** blockers
who want u to fail so u can be kissin

the same *** they kiss, dont miss ur chance
dont over think
take what u want like bill cosby does after
making a woman a drink

cuz To succeed and exceed what u perceive
in your dreams, and become
a man than if u have to bleed for what u believe
then by all means cuz success ends

when your sacrifices do, so dont give up and
Cry while u surrender if not, pains expected
be hardheaded and stubborn cause its a positive,
thing in this case but differently name as relentless

So address this where your address is
and if u find no way theres a huge world
out there, so keep learning and maybe one day

Ill see u on the other side
Where no one ******* or complains
Where no one is slowed by
Failure or fear cuz they're all driven by pain

Where u don't even need a brain
Just passion and will
Cause if your still ****** breathing
Than be believing u have a chance still

And I write this not only to ****
The doubt that poisons ur mind
But while stressin im confessin
Ill admit this is also to **** mine

Cuz we all get weak at times
Where we actually consider
birthing a child of regret while bitter
And become its new mom, no babysitter

Conceived with life who will *** u
Without any protection
And even those who oppose abortion
Would see this as the exception

Just make sure u never let them
C- section out your heart
Keep fighting back, cuz kept Faith when life falls apart
is nothing short of an art

It can be beautiful but dark
It can abstract and expensive
And remember stubborn and hard headed when positive
is called relentless

The professor brings the kids to
The Class, where they will start their semester by being sequestered to the field for training.
See on earth school teaches theory but this is all humans can handle so its ..understandable.
But this particular class lead by the professor, only teaches gods.
You see, when gods And goddess' get married and they birth a child the child is then educated by living on the fields training grounds, and learn hands on.
SoThey will be placed in simulation by mind manipulation,
almost virtual reality,
with an emphasis on the reality.
So they await what humans call a "birth" and send the students in,
with no memory of being a god,
just the instinct inside telling what he or she must listen to in order to pass, and live amongst the gods
But sadly when u fail
u are sent back through a new birth, which humans would call reincarnation,
which leads to one of the biggest jokes among the professors&god;;, cuz the born gods now birthed as humans spend a lifetime trying to "find god"
When all they had to do was look in themselves....
Any question ever asked, and
every prayer ever sent
Never got delivered cuz infact it never had to leave from where it was sent,
cuz that's where it's going,
So as we're growing we start getting better,
but there are the easily tempted who are exempted and keep returning living an ongoing cycle of birth life death birth, while their parents watch in horror never able to interfere and help bring their child home.... See.... To be a god ... You must learn to think like one,
and believe in yourself....
And as you get educated on earths training field,
the skills and hobbies u pick up determine how you move forth,
like wut humans call prerequisites..., so In actuality the only difference between A human&a; god is memory, and a choice....
to follow or ignore their instincts...
.....i can't wait til schools over....

Uncontrollable Emotions
Overwhelm me tonight
It's like I can't do nothing right
But maybe that's life

Self discover and development
Without quittings essential
Can't be discouraged by the
judgemental or u may go mental

Trying to reach full potential
And preparing for the worst
Avoiding sinning and remember
Winning comes last because first

U must learn to take loss
So u appreciate bein victorious
Learning to cope with loss and not
taking for granted what's glorious

Just breathing. Just living
Exercising your free will
Embracing imperfections and
realizing the little things can still

Make u smile if only for a while
Walk a mile in the shoes
Of the ones u criticize too quickly and trip
swiftly as that ***** is slippery cause you

Will too, be criticized so don't
epitomize a close mind
Be loyal, be conscious be humble
patient And be kind

Don't try to rewind, pay mind
To the current time
Just take the past mistakes as
lessons and try not to be blind

When deception needs correction
Don't be afraid to asks questions
And remember "what you know"
may need further inspection

Don't think with an *******
That direction is wrong
Cause being a king con don't make
u King Kong just try to be strong

And deny your temptations
follow your dreams and heart
Sometimes the right thing is not
the move that is the most smart

But we all play our part
and depart nothing else Is assured
Nothing's given nothing's promised
and Nothing's fully insured

Preventions better than bein the cured
So Procure the best
Way to live without nefarious
intentions for less tension to help manifest

The dreams that u possess but never
Harbor regret
Self resentment lacks contentment
Leading to stress

It's confusing so I'm concluding
with improving myself
Before intruding with passing
judgement on anyone else

It's hard to say help
But it's even harder to know
That it is all that separated you
From reaching your goals

And when u know you make the
wrong decision it leads2a hollow you
And it's sad when your shadow won't even
follow through

With having to follow u
Life will swallow you whole,
or **** u to self destruction
as u dig while in a hole

Like time precious is your soul
The preservation of knowing
That a righteous path lead u
to the place u are going

And sometimes only throwing
Urself at the mercy of wuts destined
Can bring u to the answers
of your ultimate questions

There's no manual or map to
show you how to travel
Only instinct and experience
can guide u in your battles

But to find comfort in solitude
When your alone with your thoughts
You must be able to justify your actions
if your later forced 2 watch

And relive what u have done when
Its Too late to change the cards
At the moment u better be able
to be to face who you are

And knowing that good intentions
can't outweigh the fact
That you didn't follow through with
Them if not proven on your path

So as I resist the natural desire to
Be consumed by greed
When temptation whispers how
easy it is2 see ur want as a need

But if I feed into it I can only blame myself
for what I become
And then all that can be found
is being dumbfounded by just how dumb

I can be. So all I can be is who I am
Unless I choose
To refuse who I am and
be what I'm not which is self hatred confused

Leaving more than a bruise
On my ego And pride
And my true character
unlike my tears will no longer b easy to hide

So I encourage the courage to accept the
things I wish were reversed
And come to terms
with my wrong turns needing no purpose for birth

Just the realization that limitations
May be a blessing disguised
And be content with
the things I cannot hold as a prize

Cause some things weren't meant
for my eyes or for my possession
Sometimes the lesson for
progression is the only conception

That was meant for me and intentionally
eventually ill find
That the most important thing is
Ensuring my own mind

Is a sanctuary built with the
knowledge that my position
In life was not what
I wanted but all I needed or else it's a prison

And when your own mind
is your prison u won't get parole
It's forever there
like the stain that now tainted the soul

Never finding a piece of piece,
so I am careful in construction
While building the building in my mind
So it doesn't end in destruction...

If I could only write one more  
poem Knowing I'd die
The second it was complete
What would I write

To represent my life,
And be relative to my peers
But also to anyone reading
After thousands of years

Would I try too hard to be poetic
While trying to say goodbye
Or would my poem be full of Regret
as I'm faced with wasted time

Would I be Erratic and confused
Or will it all be in perspective
Would the ink run from the tears
I release as they leak ejected

Would I leave a letter to my son
His mother or my parents
Would I do a good enough job
Making my heart look transparent

So u could see the capacity of Love
that it held
And how I leave behind no hatred
Even my enemies I wish well

But if I only had one poem to say
What I had to then I think
My hand would move instinctively
So fast it would be done once I blink

Cause my emotion under pressure Of knowing
these were my last words
I know my skill would help spill
the poetics that fill the depth of my blurb

As my stomach starts to stir
And I sweat as I'm sure
I will be gone after that poem so on
I go strong with rattled nerves

I'd let all those that I loved Know
that I never ever stopped
I'd let it be known that all the wrong done
To me is forgiven even if I'm not

I'd express my guilts, my desires
The shame of not doing better
We as humans are suppose to leave Earth
no worse than when severed

From the womb and I live forever
Through the words of my last poem
And they r priceless the only thing im allowed
to take wit me that I own

Lastly I'd encourage those left Behind
who still have time
Not to waste another second
cuz The strongest weapon designed

in existence is free will so
have The will to still stay free
Not held back by the unimportant Things
and go do what u will see

Was not as crazy as it sounded
Because No dream ever is
But what's crazy is not seizing
The day now given and miss

The opportunity so live life
like kids carefree and if you dare
than live life like kids who don't question if they
can dance... they just dance and if u stare

who cares it dont bug them at all
cuz Self consciousness is developed
Once we're poisoned by the same Outlets
than plan to give us insecurity to sell us  

Vanity and pills, cheap thrills,like it helps us
so I hope You will try to stay above it
Don't hate what makes u great or different
u should embrace it& ****** love it

And as the pit of my stomach
Starts to turn I now know
That I've said Everything I needed to before
I'm dead so now i go

so remember to love wildly and recklessly
and After a broken heart do it again!
Cuz itll be too late if u wait
til
    u
        can only write one
                                   last poem
                                                   ...the end...

Tears in a shot glass
fix Nobody can see that
I'm self destructing,
and the erupting is interrupting

My functioning junction
between Ration and action
And ur participation
is more than a fraction

as ur playin games
but We said  we hate the way
games are played cuz being played sux
but one of us still plays

and I ain't sayin names
but they are impervious to chjnge
So tears rain on your train of thought
while I'm takin planes

So our loves suicidal
and the razors breakin veins
Putting us both through heartaches
of pain that stains the brain

We gotta break the chain
so maybe its best for goodbye to estrange
cuz the mental damage is hurting to the point
it makes a **** look tame

is it time to erase the strain?
And replace ur name
And chase a new face in place
inducing hate or go insane

Cuz we use to save our tears
inside a shot glasses
but as time has passed
These days it needs
to be replaced For an extra large wine glass

I need more than just a fine ***
I need a girl who isn't creatively disruptive,
That's why I cut u off And need to talk ......
now ur girl interrupted

U know wut???!!! just *** it!!
I can't take it no more
So I don't care if u leave or stay
And I don't care
if u use the door

Or the window on the second floor
I will no longer second the war
I will no longer accept the horror
i will not fight for a second more ...

How do I start...?
This is hard for me...
I probably will only generalize from fear of being ostracized,....
Actually that's a ****** lie too...
not even sure wut I want to say,
Sometimes wut I really wanna say gets polluted by being convoluted cuz it's secondary and secluded
by trying to sound poetic, or smart
then the rest just gets... Included....
I'm not even sure of myself...
My ability....
My limits...
I might even say i find security in insecurity,
Jailed without bail by my emotions and I can't find assurity
Assuring me
a stay on the green mile where I sit, green with envy...
Envious of even ppl I love...
Almost hoping they fail so I'm not alone.....
how truly sick is that?
How could u ever call urself a decent person after thinking that????
And after i drown and drench this depression in drinks
Then dry it off with drugs...
It only gets moist again by the inevitable stream of tears
And u can only let urself down so many ****** times before u can't lie to urself anymore to feel like
..u haven't let everyone else down
And my friends and family can only say ..."I love u"so many times b4 they realize that I don't believe it....
Cuz how can they love me when I don't???
And I'm way past a cry for help
So it's not sympathy,
I don't need it
I have been blessed until now with the most beautiful things life has...
And maybe losing those things has fukked me up....
how do I start....
Ha...
how do I finish....
When I haven't even said anything worth reading....
I use to think I was a writer...
Now I question if I can even do that anymore...
I feel hopelessly dead inside,
and I love my son,
but I can't help feeling trapped, in a sea of failure,
I can't help hating my weak will,
My bad habits,
My lack of motivation
My physical appearance,
My physical appearance
My laziness
And who I've become, when who I was.....
Was so much better.....
My night terrors haunt me...
I miss ppl I shouldn't
I'm jealous of ppl I shouldn't be...
I idolize my godmother for her strength to commit suicide:...
I am everything I use to hate in
others....
I could go on forever
but I'm sick of hearing myself think in silence
Even the voices in my head annoys the **** out of me, and make me sick til I tell myself to shut up....
How do I end this...
....  From judgement of a talented literary point of view...
I can't end it....
Cause...
I never really started....

Cuz when it is your monkey,
And it is your circus...
It's depressskng feeling worthless
When even a clowns have a purpose

.....which is more than me

My patience is exasperated
So negative connotations
Are analytical advice, on a diagram of ******
for life as AnNotation

Used as emphatic confirmation
That my formations deformed,
so be warned, you won't be warmed
by hearing I've conformed

To be socially reborn or Reformed
no Solubility just scorn
Death of Altruism not reborn
My attempt to succeed is Forlorn

****** without pleasure like ****
With an actress who's *****
Unable to reject the amorous nature
Of the advancement taking place

Only to try to post placate
But u can't humorously play hate
That's like calling *******
a play date, and tho karma may take

Action a day late
It'll subtract your pay rate
And I try to listen when they say wait
Otherwise I Trade faith

For fortune so pray fate
Has Infallibility and acts
With revenge and intends to ignore
Its Sanctification on your behalf

But without assured Omniscience
Or Predestination I'm left
Wit bitter taste from various Mongrels
so nefarious I wish for death

Developing an Aversion to breath
A Discrepancy now remains
Some say lifes a gift and it contradicts
when I say it's inhumane

A reality based on haste purgatory
Where narcissists splurge on glory
And act like a real life purging story
living to fill their urge for gory

Temptations and never hoarding
Desires to control with moderations
like earths resource no Conservation
But this is just my Observation

Or maybe there's no correlation
and I just **** a curation
Maybe my pessimisms Pervasion
Has damaged me for the duration

Of life never to vacation
From my imprisoned state
So internally conflicted I'm eternally
Restricted to unsolicited hate