You make it so hard to talk
about serious issues
I never meant to be a
Reason tears hit tissues
It's a tough situation we
Now find ourselves in
And I got no instruction Manual
that tells me if
My next move is right
Chances are its wrong
I want to believe our love
Was way to strong
To be beat by what's at our feet
But maybe it's not
I can only be what I am
And im sorry for all I'm not
My stomachs all in knots
I wanna make the choices
That stop or prevent
our angered, raised voices
But resentment poises
And stands opposed
But when I communicate
U act like case is closed
If I were to give u a rose
It would be the wrong color
I do one thing and it seems
I should have done another
Constantly criticizing me
Telling me what's gotta change
When I've changed enough
Things and yet it's the same
Nothing's ever good enough
You always find a way
To make me feel like I'm the
Problem somethng new everyday
And I just can't alter Everything
that makes me, me
I've never asked u to change who
Your were or ur beliefs
So why should I, and when
Did u start to hate
EVERYTHNG I am like I'm
Gods biggest mistake
I've only ever wanted the best
For you and me but
I have compromised things
And tried to clean myself up
And be better like u asked but
Funny and hurtful thing is
I never asked or demanded u
To ever change ****
Now I feel less loved and
More judged as if I
Am competing when I am
Already the best guy
To ever be in ur life or hey
Maybe I'm wrong, my mistake
So now I win the "biggest loser"
Without a decline in my weight
I won't top that line ...
So that must mean its the end
I'm sorry I did my best ill
Always love u bye , best friend
Soulmate lover, ull always
Be on my over active mind
Are we going seperate ways or
Is someone getting left behind.....?
it's like we're falling apart
And maybe it's goodbye this time
Are we going seperate ways
Or is someone getting left behind?....

It's not enough to complain
It's not enough to feel shame
It's not enough to give up after
U fail. It's not enough to go blame

The neighborhood u grew in
Or the ppl u were around
No excuse is enough to justify
So u can just deny knowing how

To succeed and exceed what u
perceive in your dreams
It's not enough to just proceed if u
bleed for what u believe by all means

It's not enough to try, give up and Cry
while u surrender and accept this
Cuz hardheaded and stubborn
when positive, is called relentless

So address this where your address is
and if u find no way
There's a huge world out there,
so learn while u search and maybe one day

Ill see u on the other side
Where no one ******* or complains
Where no one is slowed by
Failure or fear cuz they're driven by pain

Where u don't even need a brain
Just passion and will
Cause if your still ****** breathing
Than be believing u have a chance still

And I write this not only to ****
The doubt that poisons ur mind
But while stressin im confessin
Ill admit this is to **** mine

Cuz we all get weak at times
Where we actually consider
birthing a child of regret while bitter
And becoming its full time babysitter

Conceived with life thatll ***** you
Without any protection
And even those who oppose abortion
Would see this as the exception

Just make sure u never let them
C- section your heart
Keep fighting back, cuz keeping Faith
when life falls apart is nothing short of an art

It can be beautiful but dark
It can be abstract and expensive
And remember stubborn and hard headed
when positive is called relentless

Hope I never let u down
Being a dad is tough
Well, not ..tough but hectic
Never feeling u have enough

But I guess if there's love
As cheesy as it sounds
Food and shelter theres no
Reason to frown

But I can't help questioning
Every decision I make
Now considering my son
B4 every step I take

And living on selfish impulse
And all life's temptations
Has made this new change
So hard to just take in

But I still strive to make em
And better myself cause we
Must better our situation
And the better I am the better hell be

But I can't help but think my peak
Still may not be suffice
If I want to give my son the
Best opportunities in life

So Plz know juju if u ever
Read this one day
That I did my best and even
That isn't enuf u could say

For me but for u
I hope u can say it is
And there is no greater
Love in ur life than that of ur kid

So as I go on, I do my best
And second guess my acts
But unconditional love I do not
Cause I got a lot of that....

Love u juju... So much...

You sicken me lately
I can't look at you it's crazy
All I hate in myself plus more
Is in you and maybe

I shouldn't be taking
This approach by saying
Things that sound mean but
All I mean when I say them

Is for you to realize when
People don't like you
Thrse are many reasons
Why they spite you

Your easily frustrated
sense of humor of a fool
You swear too much and u
Never completed high school

You still wear your pants low
It looks like u crapped urself no lie
No wonder u can't ***** train your
Son who thinks why should I

Not crap myself if my dad still
does, look at his pants
And if u feel like your going nowhere
In life this is y u can't advance

You have a history of drugs
Hang with questionable people
Your pasts path had alot of
Smoked grass and acts of evil

This all adds up to equal minus
subtracted from your life
No luxury for u and the son
U had when multiplying real nice

Now divide you two from his
mother with a remainder of u
Who seems to have a fraction
of his **** For brains to the power of 2

And if your getting mad at me
Don't bother because
I'm the only one willing to tell u all
this, being blunt with truth and love

Hoping to help u salvage
What time u got left
Now reflect on all I've said
And take a deep breath

And when I stop talking u
U Will realize what is clear
That this whole conversation was
With yourself in front of a mirror

telling yourself all u needed to
Hear was a reflection to smarten you up
So this is a letter from me to me, or me to us
Wake up... ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,That was really ******....

I still wake up in a panic
wondering where you are,
Not remembering til i think hard ....
oh ya she left me ...And it's hard

Cause seven years of waking up
From night terrors to u by my side
Is now the backdrop for a cruel
Joke when I forget u said bye

Some nights I actually deny
The fact inside my sick head
And tell myself ur in the bathroom
So I can go back to bed

Less poetic and more
Pathetic trust me I know
But withdrawl from love is the worst
Withdrawl &Trust; me i would know

But don't think I don't know
I'm better off with u travellin
So I'm either ******* plain
Stupid or really like the challengin'

I guess it's hard imaginin'
A day now that me u and Ju
Can ever sit down together and
After all we been through

That's sad but I know that
We can't even be friends now
Ur a pig headed chicken head with
horse powered madness of mad cow

A sheep who always follows
Temptation as ur wool is over
Ur eyes and even if not ur sights
Still obstructed til ur sober

but "oh baby baby it's
A wild world...
It's hard to get by
just Upon a smile girl"

And I may miss u and still
I love u but I hate u equally
And u can visit ur son still just
because u can't have him legally

&Tak;; him for the night don't
mean U should write him off
And make him suffer for choices
u made resulting in u now not

Being able to take him
when the **** will u awaken
How many hearts must u be breakin
He shouldn't be feeling Forsaken

So whenever ur done vacation
At Club prescription Med
Maybe u should come Visit ur son
Before u overdose and are dead

But I said what I said I'd say
Plus more so ill walk away
From this poem like u did the
Home we built for 7years but hey

U were never very sentimental
Just very mental I guess
But I'm never far if u truly need
me just look in a mirror at ur chest

"Your on my heart just like a tattoo"
- Jordan sparks-

-Knowledge "hater" Gonzalez-

He's only 9 years old
so his mother thinks being on the brink of suicide
which she thinks about as much as she blinks
is totally oblivious to her son who is actually more in-sync

Then she knows or cares to know
cuz it would hurt her soo much
to know that every time she left the room to cry
he knew that she was

But we tend to think our kids
are more out of touch
or maybe we just hope
So her son like her copes alone cuz

He's only 9 yrs old
and doesn't know what to say
But psychologically it's damaging
As his emotions get away

From his control without a father
To guide him like he shoulda been
And his mom says his father died
but he knows she lies to protect him

From knowing he's unwanted
And as time goes on
All of this pain has build up putting
A timer that after so long

will set off a bomb
So as her son comes home from school
he heard his mom crying
And it has made him feel like a fool

So as he musters up the courage
he Walks in the bathroom door
To see his mom curled up in a ball
Crying in the corner on the floor

Where he sees the blood dripping
Off her arm where it withdrawls
Infront of her and On her so
He runs to her and falls

in her lap knowing the act that
Was Tryin to be done
So as he cries with her he
Looks in her eyes and says "mom "

I'm sorry for everytime I heard u
Cry, it was dumb not to
come find you and hug You
and tell you I love u

I'm sorry I never said that
and dad Maybe gone
But I'm still here and I'm not leaving
So please don't leave me mom

I know you think I don't know
All the things that I know
But I know a lot I just don't know
How to help stop it so

Its ok and i know dad isn't dead
I know He left cause of me
And I'm sorry that I ruined things
Cuz maybe he wouldn't leave

If I wasn't born, and thats what
left her torn which was enough
To make his mom totally lose it
As she tries to say his dad leaving was

Not his fault but
She couldn't breath let alone talk
She felt alone for so long but this
Time her observant son Left her in shock

And as they sit on the Floor crying,together,
her son says I'm always here if you need me
But plz mom promise
You'll never again try to leave me....

I'm strong and then weak
I'm happy and then sad
I have mixed emotions
I'm always dreading the bad
And wondering where will it end
Im trying to fill this hole
In my heart
Id tried letting go
Of you
But yet I'm still holding on
To something that's no longer there
I have mixed emotions about you
And life
One minute I love you then
The next I hate you
One minute I'm here then
The next I'm gone
Sometimes I feel like gods
Calling me back home
One minute I feel alive and the next
I feel dead
I still think that one day
My phone will ring and I'll hear your voice again
I have mixed emontions
Its so many emotions
Like one minute I have faith then
The next I don't
Sometimes I wish
That I could just let go
Because I have
Mixed emotions...about you