Walk down the stairs
keep walking
walking
walking
lower and lower
inside a well

No rest
for days on end just walking
downstairs, a step at the time
As long as numbness
still reigns your body
you're not low enough
to feel

Maybe gravity will crush you one day
or maybe
you'll even start crying

If you need someone
to help you fix your closet
I'll be here
anytime

I'll put a matrass inside it
bring you food if you let me
I'd do anything
to help you hide who you are

We keep pretending making tea
like children with a playset
we keep pretending we are real
enough to drink and taste

We keep pretending we're in touch
like we have a real connection
we keep pretending we're not strangers
and we never even met

The young man in my living room
is angry, raging
it takes all his self-control to not storm out forever
I wonder if he'd hurt me, and it would be justified

This is my son
the pain on his face is mine
I'm the main reason his heart has been bleeding for years
I'm the main reason for all this hate inside him

This is my son
I'd do anything to make him happy
and somehow that led to the opposite

I'm proud of him
for the way he deals with his anger
and confronts me with all that I did

And I wish
I could get down on my knees
beg him to forgive me
and let him love me again

but I can't

I just have too much to lose

The only reason
your face stays dry
is: pillows can not cry.

I can't leave you
not even for a short while
you're always with me
very present in body and mind

I can't sleep because of you
all night long
you keep telling me
how much much pain you're in

I have to take you with me
but you're not giving any support
it's hard to take us
anywhere

I'll always stay with you
you've been such a big part of me
And for as long as you're in pain
we'll both work on

getting better

When you're scared
and too scared to admit you're scared
Can't find the words to mention to anyone
your life is falling apart
where do you go?

When you're scared
and too scared to admit you're scared
Lie about the reasons you're not sleeping
and pretend everything is fine
what do you do?

It's a great comfort
that God reads all thoughts
and knows the things inside you
which you don't want to know yourself

It's a great comfort
to have a loving Father
to hold you, and guide you
And He helps to let go
of all the secrets inside

This day
will be a tough one
the list of responsibilities and tasks already formed
but even getting up sounds hard

my bed wants to hold me tight
my body wants more rest
my mind is trying to make excuses
I shouldn't do anything today

They're threatening to win
I'm still in bed at 1 pm
but no, I will get up
take a shower to prepare

to be today's most awesome
version of myself

You're the minority
it's four against one
which means
we are right, and you should shut up

You're the minority
which means we make the rules
you're powerless
just live with it

You're the minority
and we think that's fair
because we all decided
it's nice how we treat you

I always know
I'll have to pay
so it's stupid
to come close
to you

but your melodies
always linger
my head keeps your music inside
And I just have to
go back to you
go back for more

I know your poison
you'll turn my head upside down
You'll make me weak, so weak
I won't know how to leave my bed
But despite all the pain you're causing
I'll be always
coming back for more