Of all the things I have observed
I know how she lives her life
She has no regrets

Even when she made mistakes
She never regrets them
Because it's an action

Because she knows that regret
Will hurt not just her
But others

So trust in her
When she said
You will never be her regret

The happiness
However fleeting
She cherishes

You made her happy
You made her feel alive

It wasn't the secrecy
Or even the physical aspect
That made her feel

It was you

And as short as it lasted
As short as the moment it took
To make her feel like she messed up

She doesn't regret it
She never regrets loving someone

She only regrets not saying it

Maybe it was the fact that I laughed
But if I loved every man who made me laugh
I'd be called 'easy'
But not every man made me laugh like you did
No man has ever made me laugh like you did
Like nothing mattered in the world
But you and me
And the fact that you were falling asleep
Denying it
But still falling
Falling as fast asleep
As I was falling fast in love
And the fact that I was supposed to be
On your couch
Not in your bed
But trusting that you weren't that guy
You weren't
But you were so warm
And nothing mattered
Not classes
Not people
Not the cool breeze outside
Or even the repercussions
The morning would bring
Just you and me
At 3 am
When I fell in love with you

If I have to write a poem
About how much you ******* ****
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea

No one is ever going to take your place
Never
Ever
Ever
In a million
No a billion
No
Until the end of my existence
No one
NO ONE
Will ever take your place

Sometimes I wonder
Did everyone else get some sort of secret instruction manual when they were born?
How to keep friends?
How not to mess up every relationship you've ever had?
Romantic or not?
How to experience love at first sight?

It's exhausting
I wonder how people put up with life

I was born without it
This instruction manual
Because I've heard the phrase
"We knew from the moment we first saw each other."
Knew what?

I've heard
"We've been best friends since forever, we knew it from the moment we met."
But how!?!?
How do you know the good from the bad at a first glance?
Is it a pheromone I just can't smell?
Some secret language I never learned?

It's so hard
I don't know how people keep living
I don't know how I keep living
I'm not afraid of death
But I'm not going to welcome it with open arms
Even if the thought of it gives me hope of going home

Because if I were to welcome death
Everyone around me would fade away

I stay alive for the same people
That I can't tell if they're good or bad
But I've grown accustomed to them
I suppose it's because even the bad people deserve sympathy

Do I deserve all the crap they dish out?
No
But I can handle it

Have I ever met someone and just "knew"
Not in my life
But I've heard it said about me so it's a half victory

These stupid misfits
I wonder
Were they born the same as me?
Can they tell the good from bad?
I wonder
If they genuinely care about me

Or maybe I'm just a fool being used
Sometimes I really wonder

You're a child
Taking your frustrations out on me
When I did nothing wrong

Before any of this got complicated
I want you to remember
I was your friend first

Friends don't make friends hurt
And seeing how easy it is to push me away?
Guess we weren't that close

It's not my fault
I didn't do anything wrong
This is all on you

Though you're not gonna like what happens next
Because I live life with no regrets
I thought I'd have more time

Time to gather my thoughts
On what I'd want to say to you
But I'll let you know

It's not my ******* fault

There once was a boy
And along came a girl
They looked into each other's eyes

The girl saw everything
She saw him
She saw beyond him
She saw the vast ocean
That his soul was
But she got lost

The boy looked
He didn't see a spark
He saw her
But without the spark he didn't keep looking

So the boy and the girl parted ways
The boy looking for a spark
The girl looking for someone to finally be able to truly look in her eyes and see her light