For your soul and mind
That they are well
For the man that left me twice(and I left once, I need to start including that in my rants; I often wonder if that's why you did it), I pray for nothing but love and protection. I ask for your heart to be turned towards things that will bring joy and life, and away from those that drag you down...
You glow so brightly..
Well you used to
And I did too
But now we're dull and we've fallen apart once again
And I find myself
Just begging
For you to be okay
Because I know I will be
Or I'll hurt forever and deal with that too
But you, sweet one, I fear for
I'm sure that would make you indignant
You don't need me worrying about you
But I'll always be here for you
Even if you won't talk to me for another year
I am always here if you need me
Or if for some silly reason
You want me
Again

I used to think
bright blue eyes
and long blonde hair
was my weakness
But it turns out
it was your blue eyes
and your blonde hair
that made my knees drop
made my heart flutter
And now
All I see is you
When the others stare
and their dull blue eyes
don't light up my room
And the smell of their skin
doesn't help me sleep
doesn't make me feel safe
Your eyes are torrential downpour
into my soul
drowning all that I was
Leaving a changed woman
stranded in my place

A home wrecker is a woman
Who comes between two lovers
A dreadful sort that is feared
Despised
but what do you call a woman
Who gets in her own way
Who wrecks her own home
Simply Chaos

Oh my sweet lover
With the safest arms I know
Hold them close around my skin
My flesh my soul and bones
Encase me in your sanctuary
Wrap me up with delight
I'll see you in the morning dawn
Gently kissed by the days first light

My mind has run off on an adventure
And left me far behind

I want to write a poem
For the love of my life
Thanking him for grace
And soon making me his wife

What a life we have ahead
Though things may be tough
We'll make it through whatever
For our love is enough

So here is a poem for you
My sweetest sky
Thank you for your love
You make my heart soar high

I'll be with you  forever
All of my days and more
We will defeat all battles
And win every war

Little things always change
They all build up
And I always forget
To watch for it
Though not always for the worse
Little things always change

Stupid girl you never know
Never know just what to do
When you stay or when you go
Hold you breath until you choke
Say goodnight and sleep well
You're under such a selfish spell

Why am I
Such a monster
Destroying and breaking
All that is in my path

Too selfish to give
The pure love
That I so eagerly
Receive

And suddenly
the phrase
"the one whom
my soul loves"
has never felt
so strong
and so real

As hot tears streamed down my face
I couldn't help but wonder
If they were fear, relief, or for craving embrace
Do not leave me, my love
For another sweet fragrance
Your confidence is alluring
And your light is enrapturing
Thoughtful and caring,
Handsome and strong
Oh my sweet love
These thoughts feel so wrong

Oh my love what a passion we hold
Between the two of us
Spreading like a contained fire
Wild and so free
Burning insatiably hot
Fueling
My love for thee
As we dance and embrace

A deep sigh exhales through the dense mist
A breathe containing all the secrets and stories
Pushing out the depths of ones heart and mind
Exhaling all these things that burden and bury
Letting go of things held tightly as one breathes
Release it all so your heart and soul may find rest
Peace and comfort will come I promise they will
First you must follow these directions quietly told
Let go of all these things you hold tightly on to
Exhale all these things that burden and bury you
Push out the painful depths of your heart and mind
With a breathe containing all your secrets and stories
A deep sigh exhaling through the dense mist

And I'll fade away
Into the dark
Into the depths
Slowly quietly
Fading out
For reasons
Seldom know
Fading away
With such quiet
No one will know
All of a sudden
I'll just be
Gone

And oh, I've learned
What I do
What I cause
That these things
At the very root
Are my cause

I do not show you
Proper love
Or respect
Or how incredible
Your worth is

And because of this
These things remain
These struggles
This pain you feel
I'm so sorry I do this
To you
My love

Would it be so much better
If I were just
Gone?

I love you

And I nearly drank to my limit of beer
And as I sat there on the toilet and peed
I realized my life is not nearly as hard
As one may think or so it may seem
For what are my challenges
When others have had so much worse
Writing whilst touching a buzz
Is so much more fulfilling, it hurts
I'll edit in the morn, when I'm dry and when I wake
For then my thoughts will be gathered
For goodness and poetic sake

Oh these agonizing questions
Tormenting my mind
Ripping my thoughts to shreds
Just leave me alone
Get out get out burn away
Leave me to my own devices
I'll find my peace
I'll find my way

A shirt that smells like you
Feels like a tight hug
and sweet kiss
On my heart
As it renews

Oh lord
My loving lord
Aside from you
And the love you provide
I am beyond speechless
Beyond my words
I thank you so passionately
That he is mine

Dance with me, my skeleton groom
Our bones tangling up, as we move

I am only yours, down to the core

Infectious smile
Like the sweetest disease
My lip have never touched
Such a delicate taste
As the gentle toxin
Secreting from your lips

Watching him enjoy something
Something he knows
No matter what it is
Is such an honor
Of the highest degree
The way he glows
Shines
Beams and smiles
Knowing every word
I am beyond blessed
To see that side
That no one else gets to
My pride my joy
My best my love
Thank you
For sharing with me
Without using words

Sometimes when he calls me baby
I feel so safe and secure
From such a simple word
Sometimes when he speaks
I can almost feel it
The warmth of him pulling me close
When I draw away
Curling up
Closing off
Shutting out
Everything

Go away
You horrid voice
Go away
You wretched ache
I am not ugly
My body is not
A disgrace

I like knowing everything about you
The sad thing is you don't know everything too
You say it's alright, you say that it's fine
To me it just feels like your lying
I'm glad I do all the things for you, you say I do
I just really hope I start to feel them too....

My eyes won't stay open
        if
            I stare
                any longer

My flowing words
My stumbling pen
A poem that never ends
Unsteady hand
Constantly at work
Drawing painting
Creating things for you
Just to desperately grasp
At showing you
How much you mean
Though words and gifts
Will always fail
My Love My Sky
Every breath in these lungs
Every beat of this heart
Is for you

I just want
To take a deep breath
And dive
Feel the water rush
Cover every inch
Tangle my hair
Flood my ears

All these things I've said I'd do
I don't see at all how I'll make it through
These trials these challenges
To be a better me
I can't seem to improve
The slightest of these
I pick and scrape
And barely get by
Though maybe that's only
In my eyes

It's not that bad
I promise
You can get through the day
Chin up
Look to the sky
Whatever's going wrong
It's so small
So temporary
Hold strong

And how undeserving am I
Of the graceful, steady
Love he provides
And he knows this
Yet provides nonetheless
For true love is forgiving
And searches for your best

When I'm falling down
Breaking apart it seems
He holds me steady
As soon as he's ready
Never abandons or drops
And treats me like a lady

How undeserving am I
To have such a lover
Who gives so many chances and more
To learn again and restore
Even if I keep repeating
Things that cause heart-sore

So I break and I build
This heart in my chest
For my lover my sight
And do all that I might
To learn and to grow
So I may treat him right

Help Help Help
The echoes reverberate
Ringing loudly
Of these empty prayers
Falling on
Deaf ears?
Are you there?
Are you listening?
I don't feel you
Where have you gone?
Or am I the one who left?
I've been pleading
Desperately praising
Desperately praying
Are you still there?
It feels so empty
So vague
So dusty
Why aren't you close to me?
Or is this what it fees like
When they say
"You're closer than ever
When He feels far away"
Well I don't believe it
This can't be right
Where is my God?
Where is my Saviour?
Are my choked prayers
Falling on His ears?
I don't know what I feel
Am I angry
Am I sad
Do I just give up?
Do I keep chasing?
Where are you?
The echoes reverberate
Ringing loudly
Of these empty prayers
Falling on
Deaf ears?
I won't give up
But I feel so lost
My Saviour My God

Help me be patient
Help me be loving
Things I've prayed for
So many times
But something I forgot
Way to pray
For selflessness
Because I've always been told
I was never selfish
And that makes for a selfish girl
Lord I never prayed
For the ability to listen
And quiet my words
I was always told
Two ears
One mouth
But then I was told
I have good things to say
But what I really needed
Was someone to say
"just listen..
Don't speak.."
I need help
With so much
But I ask
First
For so much help
With being less of self
And more of you
And more listening

Some of the sweetest wine
Softly rolls over my tongue
And I can barely taste
The flavor it offers

Silly girl
You're a disaster
A mess and a wreck
Be stronger be better
Look past yourself
Be better be stronger
Silly girl
You're a disaster
Reeking havoc
On all you touch
You twister you storm
Calm down
You chaotic mess

How dare you
Limit the worlds experience
To what you know
To the struggles you've faced
To the hardships you've been dealt

How dare you
Diminish someones emotions
For lack of understanding
To the struggles they've faced
To the hardships they've been dealt

There isn't a single doubt
That your life is blessed
Though filled with struggles
Just I ask you please
Keep in mind
The entire world
Has their own battles
And they don't look like yours

Love is not selfish
But what is one to do
When two choices
Are both selfish
And no light
Is shining through?

Remember me
While I was beautiful

You like to pretend
You aren't selfish
You aren't a mess
But you are
Oh, little girl
You are
Even now
Acting so self righteous
And a flash of the eyes
A twist of the tongue
And now
Like magic
You're all gone

I can't eat
I barely sleep
This coffees drawing me
As I dribble words
More words
About coffee
And label it poetry

I feel so silly
So ridiculous
That I valued time
Now labled childish

I feel so alone
This night
As I toss and turn
As my mind and heart
Roughly fight

So I try to spew words
And label it a poem
But these words
Are meaningless dribble

And I'm not even tiredi

Shove your fingers down your throat
Farther farther till your choke
That never was
A friend of mine

I'm afraid to sleep
And I can barely breathe

I always though the world was lying
When they'd rehearse the words
Speaking about how this thing called 'love'
Was the most beautifully tragic thing
I never understood how something like that
Something so powerful
Could exist and be attainable

But now I know
That love
True love

Is so painfully beautiful
If you ever dip your toes
Into the sea of love
Don't hesitate for a moment
To throw yourself fully in
For it's better to love fully
Than wade in the shallow
And risk never understanding
The most painful beauty the world offers

A week passes by
Like a flood
Sweeping through
Collecting it all
Memories, laughter,
Tears, photographs
And now
I know you
Just a little better
Just a little more
A week passes by
Like a flood
Like the streets in this city
As the rain keep pouring
And the wind
Keeps howling
A week passes by
Like a flood
Of the tears
Down our cheeks

Screaming
Screaming
Screaming
LOUD
Screaming out
Screaming now
It's all I have
I'm trying hard
I'm falling down
Tumbling now
I can't get out
I can't
The screams in my throat
Are itching now
Clawing out
Choking me down
I can't

I have these thoughts
That pop into my mind
"I just need..." Help?
"If I could get..." Stronger?
"But I..." Need?
"I.." Me.

How dare I utter words
That speak about my love
My so called selfless love
When on a bad day
I don't pour more
I just ask for filling

And is it self hate
To say I feel
Like the worst partner
That's ever existed?
I promise I'm not
Trying to bash and spew
Just trying to understand
Why I'm not good to you
Just trying to love
To be good and to learn
But I can't seem to grow
No matter how hard I yearn
I should try harder
Work harder
Be better than me
But I doesn't seem
I can be anything else
But selfish and mean
I'm sorry my love
I'm sorry my friend
I'll love you till
Forever again
But I'm not good to you
I'm not good it seems
For anything but
Being selfish and mean
But I want so badly
So desperately to grow
To show you my love
How love should be shown
How do I do it
How can I be what I could
For the love of my life
I want to be what I should

A child's whisper
A faint glimmer
We're never really alone
Are we?

Emotions flood my every inch
Swelling up from my painted toes
To my weakened knees
And my knotted stomach muscles
Tingling my bony fingers
Sending shivers up my pale arms
Emotions dance across my collar bones
Gently whispering up my graceful neck
Tugging on my pierced ears that are so
Sensitive to every word from your soft lips
That falls upon them with every moment
Moving up my rounded high cheek bones
Swelling in my bright eyes that glaze over
Intently looking onward at you and your
Every move, how peaceful you seem to me