i do not know what i feel
the void in my heart echoes defeat

all i ever wanted was a loving home
yet nothing seems to catch up to my desire
seems im only getting further away from it

nomatter how much i try to gaslight myself
the truth is always staring me back in my solar
i know what i know yet i can't
if i do, i'll be the one responsible for it

this is all too much to bear alone
my therapists can only do so much, im impatient
i want resolution right now

i just want the same warm arms to consistently feel safe at home.

what if i was never meant to experience this?
and it's just wishful thinking?
will my life only amount to desiring and watching others get it instead?

i did everything right with my heart
yet i feel my life doesn't reflect the depths of my being
what is missing?

my worth, my certainty
they evade me when i need them the most
what will become of me in this timeline?
noway to know but surrender to the flow of life happening as me
so I lament

Even though they control my *****,

claim over my lootie,

and they attempt to gaslight my sovereign multifrequency

I haven’t forgotten I am a certified Duesy!

You’re bumming off me, little mousie.

Even if you thought I was a loosy,

I adore my *****.

I mean just look at the way it oozes,

sweet nectar that makes you goosey!

I’m too busy

keeping you alive from my *****.

Orgasming at light speed to my divine presence, to behold you’d require a diamond koozie.

Call yourself a flouzy

for not respecting this sequency.

If you truly had one too, you’d understand why I am reclaiming my dignity.

They want to own what they do not revere in secrecy.

I can’t be bothered to slow down for you to drain my juicy.

I am too in love with my *****.

They try very hard to downplay my power, so sussy.

Bow down or drown in this *****!

Ordained into structured flowies,

life is mine, fulfillment With me can be so easy.

But if you’re not with this *****,

don’t get too close you Will get dizzy!



So much life is brewing inside my *****.

It’s ironic, all these dictators came through my *****.

My lips spit you out even though you pretend to be so bossy.

True Power can’t be manipulated you fool, I’d be triggered too if my mind was that lousy!

Are you put off yet, *****?

Awww, don’t be so fussy!

Thaw that heart out it’s too icy.

GET OUT of my *****,

go elsewhere to be pissy!

Just not on my planet crazy,

you’re on your last mercy!

naive as a dog,
I opened my heart to my God

my heart was broken, so i inverted reality,
didn't want to die yet, wanted to be good enough for her.

i dreamed in the hive of the sweet nectar of unconditional love

instead coldness dove into this heart, had to throw away that probability.
my blinds could see how fearfully we worshiped her.

no more hope, we abandoned self care.
my safest space became fantasy.
**** was ecstasy,
where this addict could dare.

don't mean to blame my bully for my choices
but something had to be done about the emotional taxing

wouldn't hold her horses,
so we validated her darkness through our habits.
now safer from the devil's approaching,
distance, a decade without her soul poaching.
now free from her torment, i frolic with the rabbits.

success I have created for myself,
free from the inner critic personified as herself,

I transform my pain into art.
I dug out everything that was in my heart.
I now know I really exist,
in this new love bubble FINALLY nothing to fix.

from wholme, i sadly understand my first bully.
mother wasn't taught less than being unruly.
i feel her drowning in her demons truly,
all she could do is clench onto my radiance poorly.

in my own castle panting, still my heart beats for her newly.

the rage slowly burns
resentment for those who won't accept
me, not free, liberated and in goodwill

I can't accept my inadequacies
it's wrong otherwise
I have to control how i show up
no no,
stillness will be the death of me!

idiots, We ARE

icy
dead
imposters
overusing
their
senses

Fragmented, I hid my most precious parts
I won't surrender to the call within,
if i do, the pain of self betrayal will drown me

so i double down on zero pivots from human to soul,
my 5 senses now create a cage instead of a playing ground
when I see others free, the rage and resentment flairs up!
how dare they!
COME BACK INSIDE YOUR CAGE!!!!

the heaviness...oh, the heaviness.
my daily bread.
my sanctuary.

what a joy, to surround myself with i.d.i.o.t.s
pure ecstasy, bowing down to the cage, I belong
fear of being left behind, all alone, ohh I devote to you.
my pain, the living word
proof of sacred worthiness.

genuine pleasure, now extinct.
zero room for the devil's temptation.
my soul droughts from neglect

as I strut together in unison with my idiots!

fully receiving this present wrapped with my 5 senses
spring forces marry summer,
and the birds rejoice, singing praises of the perfection of the is-ness.
the pain, moments of relief all intertwine to expand my capacity.

my capacity to receive more lightness...
love is not heavy but in our experiences we have made it that way
our minds took over and numbed out our soul that is older than the oldest person you know.

this isn't an arrogance game, it is remembering who we all have been from the beginning.
over here, the need to create for an audience and for validation is extinct.
because at our core we have finally remembered who we came here as...
babies, before the conditioning and internalized pain of others
we grew void of our magic
yet that magic never gave up on us.
now through words it blooms regardless of the mind's traps
the mind thinks it knows everything yet the soul descended to taste the mystery.

so here i am back in this seat, looking at my screen, being one with the keyboard as i allow the words to find their place...
with no judgement, or pretense...
just acceptance!

the 7 led me back to my God Given throne
where I didn't have to hide from the evilness of the world.

mother couldn't love me the way i deeply craved
life was so mean to me, i almost lost my wonder...
until the 7 led me back to my power.

i started at the root, where my sense of self had been forgotten.
they mirrored back to me all parts within me the darkness wouldn't let me see.
i found pleasure in doing the small things moment to moment,
my purpose now was to bring unconditional love into these parts alive in me i was now discovering.
all these mirrored parts in these 7 individuals
the happy part,
the grumpy part,
the escapist,
the hiding one,
the most sensitive one,
my higher self and
my inner child.

bringing all these parts within me together into my wholeness was a great threat to the evilness
because once I knew of the combined power of my fragmented parts, evilness could never keep a hold of me.

unbeknownst to me a spiritual attack sent me back into the darkness.
I was waking up too fast into my power, so they put me back to ignorant sleep;
dead to these parts i was
unaware, numb, disconnected
until I found my way back outside in
kissed back to life by an angel...another me.

I got resuscitated back into enlightenment,
reincarnated into the same body after my ego death.

the old story is gone, now, I have space to create more magic.
I am now living lovingly, simultaneously with all these 7 parts of me, but this time happily ever after!