I have feelings but no words.
I want you
I ache

Yes I know where I stand
I have always known.
You love her, I am just a bit of fun.

And I love him,
You're supposed to be just some fun.
But **** you're lovely,
And **** you're interesting.

**** you're intimate,
Beautifully intimate.
You look, and touch, with meaning
And I want you.

I will try not to love you,
Or try not to say it.
How do you keep your distance
And be so intimate?

You arouse such intense feelings in me
I stopped seeing you so I won't love you.
Maybe it's too late.
But I still want you.

I want to just put it down to desire,
Pretend I never felt anything more
And be with you again.
I want you to look at me, touch me, make me feel.

I want you.

And the tears flow.
It must be strong, Spider Solitaire couldn't hold them back.
The danger of an unfocussed mind,
Left to wander where it will.

It will always wander to you,
As where my heart leads, my mind will follow.
My heart aches for you.
The most wrong thing in my life was the most right.

Being with you was like coming home.
Not the horrible cliched version I always cringed at,
That felt like a small town, restrictive,
'There's no place like home' Dorothy concept.

You was my home,
Real, right, the place I belonged,
Safe... oh how wrong I was... safe.
So that's proof I suppose,
It was all in my head.

I always knew that, none of it was real.
It wasn't reality, no dealing with budgets,
Or weaknesses, disagreements, nothing real, just the fun.
Yet I really felt it, and I really feel it.

It was right, you was like coming home,
I was safe,
You stopped, everything, and I still can't hate you.
You are beautiful.
Good life my love x

My lover is silent.
But oh those sweet sentences that fill my mind.
The words he never spoke,
That fill his mouth from inside me.

My lover is no longer.
He touched me and left me,
As lovers do.
And now all I have are the strings I pull
On the lover in my mind.

Hello Lover, I remember you.
I remember every part of you.
I hold you, you won't get away that easy.
You are mine now.

You can control your silence.
You can't silence my mind.
I can't silence my mind,
It's my solace and my torment.

Goodnight Lover,
I will see you again in the morning,
Whether I want to or not.
Whether you want me to or not.

There you are.

You haunt my mind,
How could you leave and stay here like that?
How DARE you leave and stay here?
Every memory is bitter sweet.

You always made me smile,
Still do.  And it makes me sad,
Missing you.
You haunt my mind, and my heart.

Every day on the bus to work
I pass the bike shop you was going to take me to.
We barely found time to be together,
You never took me anywhere for more than a quick drink.

You was never really going to take me to that shop,
Even though I know you intended to.
But everytime I see it I think of you and smile...
For a moment.  I will go there one day,
And be with you, in my heart, and mind.

I haven't let you go,
But you never said you was leaving.
You haven't left me yet, I just haven't heard from you.
You left me alone, with you.

I read your emails, I read your texts.
I see your smile, your eyes.
I feel your body.  The most real memories I have.
They are echoes,
I guess echoes fade.

But right now you haunt my mind, heart, and soul.

I know we weren't real, but I was real with you.
We had mere weeks of moments snatched,
Noone can love based on that.
It wasn't real life.
But I was real with you.

Too real...
You liked that I was so open with you.
One day I opened up,
You left, not a word, the end.
Maybe there's a reason people aren't that open.

I knew when I wrote it, it was a mistake,
But I had more faith in you.
I hoped for more, knowing I wouldn't get it,
But we could have gone on.

It was just the honest truth,
nothing was different after saying it than before.
Nothing but you,
Suddenly you're gone.

I have always been, and always will be
Real with you.
I miss you
x

You never knew what being with you meant.
Those few weeks of reality,
Having spent my life shomehow out of sync.

I am the invisible girl.
Not quite here, not quite real.
It was like those old fashioned 3-d pictures,
When you put the glasses on the two lines become one.

Being with you felt like my life was real.
Universes aligned, the world sat right within it,
And I was the most 'me' I have ever been.

Even the first day we met,
I was awkward and shy.
But it was truly me awkward and shy,
Not some disjointed, disfunctional, semi-real
version of me.

Now... nothing.
Quiet, dead, nothing.
Nothing.