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shy Jul 2015
(turning anger into art; a rant)

you forgot what it meant to be a friend
I tried to make it work
but I forgot that friendships are
In fact,
a two way street

Silly, silly me.
I can't put broken pieces of a mirror back together
without look at myself through these shards
my hands bleeding
wondering what I did wrong
wondering why you didn't help fix this mess
wondering why it broke in the first place

I can't be angry anymore
I can't mourn the beautiful friendship we never had

sometimes I want to text you and apologize
maybe it's my fault for not speaking first
my fault for not coming to you and asking, "why?"
my fault for letting you in
expecting too much
I think about calling you
and when I do
you apologize,
pull the knife from my back
and let me bleed
shy Dec 2014
I'm a terrible person

Sometimes I see people struggling just to survive
They've got words on a cardboard sign
and sometimes
I don't help them out


I'm a terrible person

I've got two hands
a heart
a mind
a little cash in my pocket
and yet I still don't choose to use them wisely

but most of all
I'm terrible because
of all the people I could have chosen
I chose you

I chose you and I let myself keep choosing you
I let myself cry and ache
I sacrificed myself to have you and now
I'm broken


I'm terrible because I'm weak
I'm weak and you're gone
This wasn't the ending I planned.
shy Jul 2014
It's 12:34 am and I can't stop thinking
Seconds pass
And as I close my eyes for the tenth time
Your face flashes before my eyelids

I'm lost in the portrait of your eyes
Mesmerized by the curve of your lips
Don't get attached... Don't get attached...

I hear my name on your tongue
The sweetest taste in your mouth you say
Those words will be my undoing

Let me in

I close the door.
Draw a line.
Create a barrier.
Whatever it takes to keep you away
But you speak to me through the walls

You unhinge the latch
Swing open the door
Await in the silhouette

You've broken in.
shy Jun 2014
These capsules of marrow and red blood cells
are useless against you

The protectors of my heart have deteriorated
What pathetic ribs I have
They shatter beneath the unsteady beat
When our eyes meet
And my heart plunders into the bowels below my feet

My knee caps collapse
At the sound of your voice
A sad excuse; my patellas

My neurons refuse to function
In your presence
Every nerve ending ceases to exist
My brain doesn't register the actions
or the words
That escape my mouth
Blabbering

Lastly
The ***** that fails me
Overwhelms me
and controls me
Aortas and ventricles seeping crimson emotion
Constantly pumping false happiness
through my capillaries
My veins returning depression
My body makes me sick
shy Jun 2014
This former concept
to which I clutch so tightly
Might shatter beneath my hold

This past self that I cling to
Makes my knuckles bleed
But I revel in the pain
shy Apr 2014
This game is the equivalent to playing with
fire
Yet I laugh as we fall further into
this incandescent spiral.
Your hands
engulf me in flames
I scream.

Every part of me knows this will burn,
but like an oblivious child,
I still have not learned my lesson.
The embers lick at my skin and
searmyflesh
the sweetest inferno
ignites in my chest.
There's an absence of heat, yet my heart
ceases to stop this blistering pain.
The final sparks give way
and I'm left choking on smoke.
I cough
but my hands are
smeared
with ashes.
shy Apr 2014
Love me until I am me again.

Love me until you feel my essence
Seeping through the gaps between your fingers
Until you find watermarks of my actuality
Etched into the ripples of your sheets

Hold me until you plunder the depths of my soul
Until you explore my entire existence
Every inch
Every crevice
And every splinter

Kiss me until your lips find the humanity inside me
And the wickedness withers away in your arms

Love me until I belong to myself
Love me until I am me again.
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