With frail bones you have traveled,
Walking with a limp that only speaks of age.

I did not ask for you to do this,
I did not ask for this sadness.

The words are all drowning inside.
I cannot find enough meaning.
My eyes can only leak
And the cigarette is burning,
I haven’t got much time.

It all sounds the same.

You have only showed kindness,
To my bitter characteristics.
If only I could understand
why I am so angry, why I am so sad.

I apologize, with every bit of strength I can.
I fear I may never be able to love you
As much as you have loved me.
I am so sorry, mother.
                       I am so sorry.

Mentalities that leak all over my everything.
            Uncertainty has eroded my respect of self.

Opportunities are disregarded.
Ideas strewn across the room.

            A dose of lies so potent
           It deteriorates my motives, and beliefs.

Struggling to resist the voice inside
that started as a whisper;
a slight breeze in a self made hell.

           I spoke too soon, yet I haven't said a thing.

A silence so aesthetic it takes me to the edge
Where I am vulnerable to only that which is true.

          My demons hide behind mirrors,
          And haunt the corridors of my thoughts.

Their surreptitious plans demand All of me.
I am placed in their pockets, and am considered the favor
upon which they believe they deserve.  

             Pirating my spirit, Robbing my composure,
             They only desire my emotions.

For if they acquire My happiness,
they know,
My happiness is the only thing
that can save me from my dues, my debts. 


This very reason, is why I fight, 

This very reason, is why I shall never surrender,
            Even if I am left with nothing.

I’ve got a history of one night stands.
Nights that end alone,
Adding up the lovers it all blurs
into an escapade of ecstasy.

                 Abusadora,
Is what is written across my heart.
So diseased, and devoured I can’t help the desire I have
to be touched, and consumed.

Eat all my words, envelop all that I am.
Let me take you in, and let you rot inside for the night.
False connections. Yet my body knows what to do next,
Just get undressed and let my insatiable appetite do the rest.

I left you behind, on purpose.
I had you leave my titillating circus.
No need for you to stay,
When I cannot even begin to behave.

I am my own best company.
Especially when I become what one would define as, Aroused.
So I’ll teach myself to remember
that history is often repeated.

I’ll dispose of the man that thinks he is worthy
Of all that is that makes me.
For there is no other sensation best kept
As the ones my own body does *****.

The river bank is erroding,
but the trees stay rooted--
above is the sky, and
beyond is where the
tundra lies.

A life so different, and yet vaguely
familiar.
It is Sunday, and you can find me in
the desert.
My mind cannot identify the differences
in the bodies of water from
my Alaskan
memories,
or the one that is before me.
I am only able to
recognize that there is always
movement.

The current so calm, just like the
beating of my heart, the gliding of
the clouds.
If you could find my hand, would there
be any love left
to give?

I cannot hide in my skin, only
submerge into my
thoughts.

"I beg your pardon Miss, you are not
just carbon,
you have got a purpose."

One day I'll release this pen,
and free all the
fear.
                           I hope to never be found.

This distance, by no means will hold me
captive.
It is time for me to embrace it,
For I worry it is not far enough.

My eyes will always see 
  
           You upside down. 
  
           Yet it doesn’t defeat the purpose
           Cause it flips you right back around.

Today I tried to quit
Pushing truth further away,
Now I find I’m wrapped up in the lies.

Walking through hell--
    Just our world in disguise
All because we are told that
    We once fell.

So we create God in our image,
And find safety in mythology
But....
  

           My eyes will always see 
  
           You upside down. 
  
           Yet it doesn’t defeat the purpose
           Cause it flips you right back around.

We continue to make our
Own explanations,
Create our own definitions.
Ignoring all the
Wounds and lesions,
Committing upon ourselves
Our own created treason's,
All because
  
            My eyes will always see 
  
            You upside down. 
  
            Yet it doesn’t defeat the purpose
            Cause it flips you right back around.

Finding sanctuary in her sleep 

she eats

her dreams

To keep herself from starving.

She tells sweet stories from her bed,
Where magical places can be found on the pillow,
And the tears can
leak
onto the
sheets
When the living dream is mundane and hollow.

Waking every few hours, 

To note the time the clock portrays.

Letting it also eat the day away.
Measuring the light and dark so carefully,
We forget
that
we
too
spin.
And now she is disregarding
Time’s very own mechanism;
She lays
Her head
Back down.

Hours pass, just like the days.
All of it lost in a fantasy within her distorted reality.
The food rots in the kitchen.
Her thoughts rot in her mind.
Nothing is the same,
Nothing was ever sane.

She jumped in and out of her stories.
Hoping her own narration wasn’t boring.
Naive, as well as stubborn
She unknowingly traveled into a nightmare--
Walking away from her bed
She felt so cold,
Not understanding it was she that was dead.
Her dreams still persist,
for life,
was her unwanted gift.

Programmed to destroy 
Any inclination of affection,
A mindless drone, with no satisfaction
Losing ourselves
In a planned reaction
Where one cannot feel
Or understand the cause
That brought us
To the bed filled with flaws.
Is this our only chance
To possess each other?
Undress each other
Under the covers,
To deny the fact we are our past lovers.

The clouds are here to stay,
While the sun tries to shine
In this town that resembles
A snow-globe design.
The people are tormented,
And she is drunken in her disease--
A welcomed guest,who begs and pleads
For a savior that can save her.

The wind has died down,
It was once as sharp as the gods.
Cutting flawlessly into our memories,
And dancing away in the leaves.
Our bones remain, while our brain decays.
We used to stay up all night
Transplanting stories of when we ate the moon.
Creating boundaries, and passages
In the dark valleys of our past.
Where hatred is all that we crave
When we have made new homes in our grave.

The movement is rapid,
Going in all the wrong directions.
Overflowing promises
That only result in silhouettes of
All that I’ve tried to forget.
Trying to take hold of all that goes on,
But all that is in my grasp is the gun--
My finger already on the trigger. 

Now the demons have conspired,
They
          have
                    already
won.