slipping past conscience actions.
diving into the idea that maybe things will go
                                                              ­                         the way that i've hoped.

now all that is left to do is extract the expectations,
& i'm left stranded.                 my mind is smashing into the bottom
of a self created abyss that leads towards the truth that
to exist is to perceive. i watch my choices extend themselves
into my future, into how i see myself.


no reflection showing worth.

through adaptation i made comfort
in the dark.
the clouds came in, and decided to stay;
lingering in the sky, just barely out of reach.
they are so low, and i'm solo.

i don't.
i don't need.
i don't need this.
i don't need this anymore.

so i'll make up reasons to leave.
push myself further and further away from what others define as love.
whereas my dictionary is full of lies,
and the truth is,
i don't really mind.

i twisted and turned;
running as fast as my bones would allow.
i'm a little exhausted--
but i'm too tangled to care.

and all this time
i thought
except me.
accept me.

I'll remember to eat optimism in the morning,
So that way I can **** excellence by evening.

Maybe one day I'll be as lucky
As the dinosaur bones
Found under the ground.
Instead my words will decay
And rot away
Like our atmosphere.

I pitty those in charge, who ****** thousands of humans
For fossil fuels.

And currently,
I am happy.
Because i've already felt everything else.

My face wears no smile,
My eyes don't tell a story.
I have a heart that beats and finger nails that grow.
It seems to be working out just fine,
And to be honest--
                                  I think it always has.

If only I could capture this moment forever;
                     streaks of the sunset
                     pushing itself past
                     the forest of trees.
the uncomfortable calm
of being truly alone;
                     not even i can
                     understand the
                     whispering of the leaves,
                     but only accept,
                     and embrace
                     it's soothing hush.
I light the match
that starts the fire,
a self-inflicted disease.
only a skeleton remains.
                     & yet it is so
                     easy to destroy
                     our morals
                     & dissolve
                     our values.
we hold close to the heart
and treasure that which
                     is our own created demise

if only i could capture this moment forever;
                     a truth so tormenting
                     we have words like
                     eco-friendly,
                     lost in translation
                     we scream for sanctity--
for we know not what we do.

                     our hands,
                     are hands
                     that have built
                     the monster disguised
                     as a machine.

                                          so let us embrace this moment
                                          where these words,
                                          these words were your home
                                          for a brief moment
                                          in your life.

There is no lack of communication.
For our tongues do not stop
To appreciate silence.

Your presence consumes me
Filling me with heavy waves of ecstasy.
But all that rises must one day crash.

Like how your skin holds you in,
My past clings to my tomorrow--
And doubt leaks into the cracks.

Complicating simplicity.
To not take the risk.
A love so true, yet found homeless
                                          and unrequited.

Setting myself up for failure before I even attempt to try.

                  And still,
Deep within all that is who I am
I still feel as if it is you alone who can fill
This insatiable appetite.

Fear flows in,
and I wonder if there is even room
in my heart for desire.

As he looks beyond iced glass,
mesmerized by the snow
Escaping into the past--
A tragedy we can never know.

Trying
           To restore
The life before
           The war;
Where blood
           Wasn’t 
so abundant--
In dreams
           That haunt the day.
Decoding the objective,
           Discovering nothing
that is sound
A language now rejected,
             and definitions bound.

His eyes slip further into the distance.
Cold hands loose grasp of time,
and the secrets it holds inside.
Unafraid to let go
of the life that we know.

Now deaths silence envelops the room,
My words,
        My words lost ,
While you have found serenity.

When addressing the bones that hold me up
I notice they still stand strong,
Even when
                       my weak morals seem
to only crash down...
             Down towards an underground
life.

Thoughts subdued in poison;
A disappearing mystery.
No control of emotion,
The definition of perplexity.

         The enigma of the mind
         That withers in the winds of time.

Still I search for that unknown
          which hides itself from me;
Slipping past the shadows,
Of the ghosts that I once knew.
            Even I have become a memory--
Rushing towards a synthetic manifestation.

A truth discreetly concealed,
Scars proclaiming sincerity,
The moment of self-affliction
Where I finally choose
               To change my character and direction.

You asked what happened
I replied only the truth.
                                             The truth.

What’s wrong you whispered
             I said it’s of no concern.

I looked into your eyes
And they were trying to tell me
         That you want to help me
But I think that
                           I’ve already died

You repeat, repeat
Over and
                 over again
“Please stay with me.”
                       & I don’t understand,
Cause I know that you can’t
even save me/

So when I walk alone
I hope that you can take the time to understand
That I'd much rather prefer to be on my own.

            & Tonight the sun never set,
It just stayed in the sky.
                                            Stayed in the sky.

But there was darkness all around me;
               & inside of me fear
And even with you here
                           beside me
I am alone.
I am alone on this weary road.


The sun beat down on the wild flowers,
the pigment so orange,
my eyes could almost taste it....
& yet
              You just keep talkin and talkin
your words don’t mean nothin’
          So I keep walkin and walkin
Don’t know where I’m goin
But I know that I’ll get there,
                                                 I’ll get there.

Cause there ain’t nothin in this life
                 that is fair

So we push ourselves further and further
To the middle of no where--
                                   Proclaiming it is where we want to be;
That nothing will ever compare,
        But no matter where we breathe,
We are still breathing
                                      air.