Little eyes/Little eyes/Little eyes
How do you see the big big world?
To spy it right side down, and place you wrong side up
was once our favorite game.
I have never feared falling;
it is the unexpected landing that encourages anxiety.
The picture was taken today, and that is all that matters.
Capture the spectrum that stretches between
                          you and I;

Hold inside what it is you believe to be truth.
Do not let it drown in those warm, vain tears.
If what I perceive is truly the past
please let me sway like the pendulum
forward and backward...
     but really side to side.

A window to the soul, I doubt it.
More resembling the circularity of our stories--
of our lives.
Spin on your thoughts, darkness will not allow sleep.
Knocking, to be polite.
Knocking, to allow time to hide secrets.
Enter as you wish, It's too hard to decline
after all that we have endured,
after all this time.

I eat your words, I hear your touch,
I feel only selfishness when you come inside.  
Comfortable, because I stopped caring
and because I embrace my independence.
Little lies/Little lies/Little lies

sometimes we have got to look down, to know where we are going to land.
after having fallen so hard, one might think to never look up;
but alas--
the sun still shines behind the clouds.
we are hardly ever truly alone, and without.
for we may very well continue to cast shadows, even on the darkest of days--
but for every light we can perceive there is a darkness to it's complement.
on the matter of joy and love, one day heart ache will follow;
casting it's own shadow, however long and wide we make it.
for free will is what it is that makes us.
freedom to choose that which is, and that which is not.
science has proven we cannot survive in the dark impurities of that shadow.
our own heart and mind need the illumination that happiness so absentmindedly brings.
yet the distractions we fabricate, seem in our own mind to grow each day.
all because we nurture our own despondency with doubt, and deceit.
so when we feel with utmost frailty, that we cannot look up--
remember that this sensation of ******* shall one day cease to be.

The one great enemy of all of those that perceive, is doubt.
How it floods my watering mind, leaves me crashing amongst the waves of esteem and confidence. When I am least aware, that is when the little viral thoughts return. Infecting all that I am, and all that I am trying to become.
Time so constant that what has happened, has transpired only to lead us to what is happening, and what will happen.
It is what it is. What it is not, it cannot ever be.
My past is what must be embraced in order for me to move forward. Years have passed, bringing me forth to this very moment where I am finally ready and willing to do just that; embrace what I cannot change. A wild memory of a memory,
it was your words that reawakened a purpose, a meaning, a way of life within me.

I will not be a prisoner of doubt if I willingly choose not to do so. The chains I unknowingly placed around my very mind have left scars;
wounds that have become a  commitment to my flesh.
A girl once told me, when I made my self vulnerable to her with my inner workings, that my scars can only tell a story of which I was once in pain, and have now healed. I now understand that the those wounds within, the wounds that were not visible to the eye, cannot heal if they are not avowed.  I was so fearful of looking into that which confines me, acknowledging that I was damaged, that I was only allowing myself to continue a life of pain.
For too long my afflicted heart and mind was rotting and decaying inside. All because I was choosing a path of ignorance.
But here I am awake, and ready to accept that which breaks my heart. Knowing that if i let it break now, the process of healing can begin.

Thy world spins me into confusion, while I lack firm ground.
Commitment and it's absence can be the explanation.
I do not live in a glass house, nor does anyone I know.
I assume that is why so many
choose to throw rocks in every direction.
Waging wars to defeat those who have already been defeated
just to prove something to themselves.
My heart no longer leaps at the sound of the gun,
racing towards a finish line that can only reward anger.
I will no longer pretend to love,
for that would be allowing love to be portrayed
as a role that we play.
I am no actress, why would I choose deceit?
Enabling emotions, embracing instinct?
I am not a child any longer;
I will not play hop scotch and jump to conclusions.
Rationality is what will save me.
A mind flooded with hatred will only lead to a drowning soul.
Your words can only effect me, if that is what I will.
My words can only effect you, if you choose in doing so.
Otherwise they are just words, and this world will continue to spin with or without me.

My bones never got upset when they fractured, when they shattered. They only proceeded to heal.
It is the serenity found after the storm that keeps my faith alive.
Choices all around, and more importantly within.

My bones never got to decide if they wanted to rehabilitate themselves or not.
They only proceeded to heal.
It is the acceptance of all that is, and that which is not
that keeps my faith alive.
Choices all around, and more importantly within.

My mind is not spatially located, but my thoughts prove it’s existence.
I see a smile, I hold back tears;
Frightened when I know the truth can no longer be held captive.
My mind is not spatially located, but my thoughts prove it’s existence.
I choose to smile, I choose to cry.

Truth so often believed that it will set us free,
But I have come to understand that it is the truth that binds us.
Leaving no room to escape,
unless concealed and disguised under lies--
Lies that are known, even when they become a placebo.

“I shall please.”

Now that I have buried the one recurring thought in the earth,
I have learned to survive with mouthfuls of dirt.
Dirt as dry as the bones I will leave,
the bones that did not have a choice.
Dirt as filthy as the mind that chooses the gutter.
Dirt as impure as the deceit I can transform into honesty.
I will not be frightened any longer, For the truth is no longer my prisoner.

my heart,
              it beats.
my eyes,
              they leak.
and i'm lucky to stand
on these two feet.

but this mind of mine
does twist and turn
                            inside.
a sweet and bitter licorice.
a loud yet quiet mechanism.
& my thoughts are not as easily shared--
like how they used to be.

because i prefer that you can't see
what isn't exactly okay with me.
& i'm so good at hiding, because i know how to seek.

so lets do what we have to.
discover what has been over looked.

i have to know what i want before i can get it;
so if you think you must, don't ever regret it.


and she said to me while i was driving
that they break you down,
so they can
build you up.
the way
they want
you built.
without you even knowing.

you have a story.
i have one too.
how else did we get here
and hear?                                                                          i thought that you knew


so open your eyes.
open your mind.
how many times have you been pushed down.
how many times have you got up on your own?

we break our selves with each of our pessimistic characteristics.
while discouragement may come easy, no one can build you back up
but yourself.

my heart,
              it beats.
but now it is stronger.
my eyes,
              they leak
even in front of a stranger.
and i'm lucky to stand
on these two feet.
because with them i can dance.

{After James Tate's 'Consolations After an Affair'"}

My piano breathes with each of its keys:
it aspires to inspire change
in someone's watering mind.
I have paintings that I did not paint
that do more observing than the scientist.
They know nothing of evolution and it's hypothesis.
For them to see and feel
is all they need to express.
I've discovered that I don't need
to prove myself for my own approval.
A jellyfish escapes and dances behind me
as swift as the flame of a fire.
Now I can taste the truth,
a place filled with disgust and desire.