A local lady would be nice, to reach my ****** peak
***'s, Gilf's and ****'s, and girls with extra cheek
You don't have to be a model, with an hourglass physique
I'm not concerned about your looks, or if your fat or sleek

If you are a willing female, then I would not hesitate
Entice me with your nakedness, and through your garden gate
Whether you are young and slim, or old and overweight
That doesn't really bother me, when we kiss and copulate

Big birds that need stuffing, old ladies with grey hair
I am not superficial, and I really do not care
Borrow me for favours, take me deep inside your lair
Invite me round I'll be discrete, and you can strip me bare

It wouldn't matter if your a *****, or an ugly looking skunk
Or if your a smoking crack *****, or an alcoholic drunk
As long as we can go *******, and squirt our lovely *****
And you don't mind an average Joe, that's not much of a hunk ?

******, swingers and brash chavs, bent over kitchen sinks
Inhibitions will be lost, after one or two more drinks
Fluids flow but I'd still go, into a hole that stinks
If I went there I would not care, what anybody thinks

If your hygiene is lacking, I'd just think what the hell
A sweating body against mine, with a ***** that works well
Extra **** is always good, when both of us can jell
Our pheromones would be increased, and I really love the smell

I may not be that handsome, or the cream of the crop
But getting older does not mean, these activities should stop
Take me any way you want, doggy or ******* top
Forget about party balloons, because the rubber will go pop

****, oral water sports, they would be such a treat
Especially in the same town, next door or the same street
Young maidens might be succulent, but they'd still have to compete
With the obese and elderly, because their so tasty and sweet

Don't waste time just searching, if you really want a man
Lifes too short to hesitate, lets get it while we can
**** mothers are just fine, as well as your Nan or Gran
And obese cougars are ideal, I'm a fat old woman fan

Large ladies are most welcome, so are haggard drunken tarts
And grannies that are ******, who perform in carnal arts
I wonder should I advertise, in Exchange and Marts ?
With all of the old bangers, and neglected lonely hearts

What we do we can't go through, without becoming quite attached
Everything is oh so good, because we are well matched
You may grab and you may claw, the surface is just scratched
I would hate to think of spoilage, and being too detached

Well let me tell you something, I always will go ooh
Especially when we get undressed, and it is just us two
If you laid down and we're exposed, then what would you do
And it revealed your intimacy, and showed us that its you

We've done so much together, after all the years we waited
It wouldn't really bother me, because I am now liberated
With everything that's out there, most of it's overrated
As long as we can carry on, and not get segregated

Exposure to the internet, well give me a bit of credit
I wouldn't care if it was there, or if someone else had said it
As long as we're both honest, then let anybody spread it
So what if pictures are undraped, on websites such as Reddit !

I can not help the sadness, my heart's now in my throat
A single tear lost in a stream, that never stays afloat
We will meet again someday, when we're called to life's great moat
And you'll be sailing on a wave, in a randy milkman boat

Our memories wont fade away, you are never truly gone
Your always there inside our thoughts, your legend will live on
We'll miss the laughter and the joy, you are the only one
The cheeky risque sometimes frisky, Randy Milkman John

Shopping's no longer simple, it has turned into a chore
Queuing up two meters apart, before you go through the door
The waiting times are longer, than selecting things in store
Not many take much notice, of the sections on the floor

The spacing may be necessary, it might be with good intention
You can't avoid some people, they don't pay enough attention
A free for all's unwanted, so is waiting for your pension
It's pointless having areas taped, if your lacking in retention

Some stores have one way systems, arrows that point the way
But people just ignore the rules, and always seem to stray
You become more apprehensive, when they walk inside your bay
I'm sorry if your in a rush, and It's causing you delay !

You try buying your groceries, so don't be a selfish swine
Why doesn't common sense tell everyone, to stay behind the line ?
No one keeps their distance, even though I'm keeping mine
Trying fast to get away, breaks my bottle of wine

It's not really all that viable, if any bag should rip
Damages are hard to replace, it's not easy if things slip
The waiting is the equivalent, to yet another shopping trip
Wasting time while I'm outside, is something I would skip

A single shop is bad enough, but I'll lend a helping hand
Certain things I can not get, not even shops own brand
Flour is now limited, and the choice is getting bland
Gaps where simple things should be, large spaces on the stand

Helping those who can't get out, many others on the make
Is harder due to panic buys, when there's no give or take
No wonder there is nothing left, their just buying for pure sake
Their need for more like "Oliver", is fictional and fake

Is selfishness your driving force, for the amount your gonna get ?
Are you emptying the supermarkets, to increase your product net ?
It's not as though you overbuy, so you can complete a set
Hording items is your goal, of that it's a fare bet

Why do people purchase things, that they don't normally buy ?
Leaving empty barren shelves, do they think the end is nigh ?
Is it to gain one upmanship, would they spit in your eye ?
Even leaches would not ****, the entire food stock dry

When supplies are getting low, it makes me want to frown
I know I'll have to wait outside when I go onto town
The distancing is bound to fail, and I feel like I will drown
Life is so much harder now, ever since we were locked down

You've been washing them frequently it's Alanis Morissette at 40 with "Hands Clean"
Is there any sign of life at Number 39 it's Duran Duran with "Planet Earth"
Education facilities are shut it's Alice Cooper at 38 with "Schools Out"
In at 37 The question on everybody's lips is "When Will I See You Again" by The Three Degrees
Number 36 The government would definitely approve it's Fever Ray with "Keep The Streets Empty For Me"
Hanging out with all the boys is no longer fun at 35 It's the Village People with "Y.M.C.A"
At Number 34 It might be too late for Michael Jackson to "Heal the world"
They should have dropped them earlier at 33 it's T'pau with "China In Your Hand"
Will the lockdown ever end or is it "The Day That Never Comes" its Metallica at Number 32
In at 31 We're just one out of many it's Culture Club with "Victims"
Touching and kissing could prove fatal at 30 it's Alice Cooper with "Poison"
Don't slip into reclusiveness it's Gotye at Number 29 with "Somebody That I Used To Know"
At 28 Respiratory systems are affected it's Berlin with "Take My Breath Away"
Number 27 Everyone's warned to stay away it's Patty Loveless with "Keep Your Distance"
The contagion is spreading rapidly at 26 it's Killing Joke with "I Am The Virus"
At Number 25 The average age of a Vietnam Combat Soldier is the same as Covid It's Paul Hardcaslte with "19"
We've been cooped up for weeks it's Alter Bridge at Number 24 with "Isolation"
At 23 Our towns and city's are infected it's System Of A Down with "Toxicity
Number 22 If enough protective equipment is not supplied it's "Blood On The Words Hands" by Iron Maiden
I can see you but only from afar it's Alice Cooper at Number 21 with "Might As Well Be On Mars"

At Number 20 social activities have ceased it's Peter And The Test Tube Babies with "Banned From The Pubs"
Flights and ferries are cancelled at number 19 it's Madonna with "Holiday"
In at 18 freedom has been taken it's Iron Maiden with "The prisoner"
Number 17 the situation is grim it's the Blue Oyster Cult with "Don't Fear The Reaper"
You'll be left on your own with number 16 it's Bananarama with "Cruel Summer"
Clubs are closed and the streets are empty at 15 it's The Specials with "Ghost Town"
Number 14 lives have altered drastically it's Disturbed with "Land Of Confusion"
Will normality ever return it's Duran, Duran at 13 with "Ordinary World"
At Number 12 The population is getting smaller, its Queen with "Another One Bites The Dust"
He's back but which one is he at number 11 it's Alice Cooper with " The Man Behind The Mask"
In at Number 10 it's a fare bet that you will its Gerry and the Pacemakers with "You'll Never Walk Alone"
Number 9 there isn't that many it's Pink Floyd with "Is There Anybody Out There ?"
At Number 8 ironically the Police will be watching you with "Every Breath You Take"
You may need gloves and sanitizer with Number 7 it's MC Hammer with "U Can't Touch This"
He thought you was his friend but nobody can help at Number 6 it's Black Sabbath with "Paranoid"
Something is threatening mankind but I think that's the government at Number 5 it's "Virus" by Iron Maiden
In at 4 We'll keep on fighting till the end it's Queen with "We Are The Champions"
At Number 3 on your trial again are the Police with "Don't Stand So Close To Me" or anyone else for that matter
Number 2 I think Ben E King will be afraid to "Stand By Me"
And for all you solitary brothers and sisters out there it's Seal at Number 1 with "Killer"

The whole world is in lockdown, no country is immune
We're all told to stay indoors, and not come out too soon
Like being in a chrysalis, cooped up in a cocoon
Social structure has broke down, burst like a flat balloon

We can't go out to party's, or be in a crowd
Pubs and cinema's have closed doors, locked behind a Covid cloud
Restaurants are out of bounds, because that is not allowed
Our enjoyment has been obscured, and covered in a shroud

Forget whatever we once knew, because there is a different law
Our freedom is now compromised, and large gatherings are no more
Perhaps we were over populated, when they opened the flood door
Thousands of people have now died, and that's without a war !

Everything has turned to ****, why didn't we take a stand ?
Barriers could have been raised, before it got out of hand
We might have stopped contagion, and the infection on our land
Acting sooner may have helped, but perhaps it was all planned ?

We should have closed our boarders, to lock out China's beast
Extend the quarantine abroad, to prevent our own deceased
Could homecoming pleaders, be why the death toll has increased ?
It makes me wonder, if this virus wasn't purposely released

Why speed up the outbreak, and bring our county to it's knees ?
It seems to me it has spread, with a sense of ease
The planet is now suffering, from a huge deadly disease
People think that your infected, if you just cough and sneeze !

The fears of our fellow man, and the entire human race
Drastic changes to our lives, we shouldn't have to face
We don't want people coming near, to invade our personal space
Is two metres far enough, with social distancing in place ?

Gloves and masks are being worn, and the public are annoyed
We're all anti socialists, because our life is now devoid
Most of us are scared to death, since Covid Nineteen was deployed
Ever since they let it loose, we have become more paranoid

Some people they are selfish, their far from being noble
Panic buying in the midst, of a pandemic that is global
It maybe worse than nine eleven, or the disaster of Chernobyl
Just think about the vulnerable, the elderly and immobile

No need to empty supermarkets, until there's nothing on the shelf
Stop buying an excessive amount, and only thinking of yourself
It's bad enough as it is, with the infection of world's health
Huge stockpiles should not be, the abundance of your wealth

Businesses have shut up shop, now the virus has been casted
Their efforts are most honourable, for however long they lasted
Do you need more sanitizer, is greed something you have mastered
Why purchase two hundred toilet rolls, don't be a selfish *******

Paracetamol is now scarce, with all of you go getters
It doesn't stop the disease, or being treated like we're lepers
Scaredy cats are even worse, than all the known bed wetters
How do we protect ourselves, cover the planet in French letters ?

The thought of even going out, causes so much apprehension
A short walk is excruciating, due to extra increased tension
Bus services have diminished, and most shops are in suspension
Some limited essential stores, but we're still held in detention

Holidays have been stopped, most of the planes are grounded
It's unfortunate your stranded abroad, why are you so astounded ?
Ignoring warnings not to go, so no one should be hounded
Staying would be preferable, soon as the alarm was sounded

A sudden interest in the homeless, they must think their on vacation
They only got them off the street, in case of contamination
We haven't had another war, now we're placed in isolation
Is this a way they can reduce, the surplus population ?

Ten people at a funeral, how are you supposed to grieve ?
A congregation cannot mourn, if their hearts not on their sleeve
The dead deserve much better, more respect for when they leave
Our family comfort is denied, it's an evil web they weave

You may clap for the carers, but upon closer inspection
They would prefer equipment, for their own personal protection
Some can't get the Covid test, it's an unnatural selection
People risking their own life, should be a health exception

Stay at home to save lives and protect the NHS !
A national emergency is declared, and the earth is in distress
Washing hands is paramount, but now it's in excess
Where is Coronavirus from, why did we grant access ?

China keep your viruses, don't be a whole world donor
We're ******* with isolation, and being our own loner
All of us are victims, but I am first class moaner
Everyone unite with me, and say ******* To Corona