If your hearing these words well then I must be dead
I don't mean to cause you upset or mess with anybody's head
But take comfort in what I say even though I'm no longer there
That's if your there to listen to the words that I now share
I maybe laid before you while your sat in a row of pews
It's okay I know that you will have all of your own views
Perhaps you are religious you may not believe such things
But we all share the same fate and what our future brings
All of our achievements are lost and everything is gone
We are asleep forevermore so there is nothing that goes on
Unless we are reunited with friends and family that have passed
And we are therefore happy when we've reached our death at last
I hope that you can carry on and strength that you can find
But it's still upsetting for all those loved ones left behind
I don't know what is beyond this point but then nobody will
Except for the small detail when we climb up that last hill
Wherever we may go or whatever happens to our soul
Maybe you'll remember me after I have paid my final toll
And don't forget the times we shared try not to be too sad  
I may come back and visit you someday and relive those times we had
Just think of me from time to time that's all I ask of you
And maybe you will smile at all the things that we used to do
Well I guess I must be going now and I'm sorry I must leave
But I may see you again one day so please try not to grieve

I'm sorry to hear of your distress when you decided to go out
When the wind took hold of the door giving your hand a clout
I know that you'll be ******* with this whole situation
And it's not what you expected for a night of stimulation
It really comes to something when your trying to wind down
And you end up getting injured when your going on the town
It's strange the way it works out so **** the hand of fate
Especially when it's not your fault and what you can't anticipate
You would have had a nice time if it wasn't for that wind
I think that you'll agree that this weather should be binned
I don't know what to suggest maybe next time just stay in
Then you can avoid the pain and at least the gails wont win
There are things that go wrong and things that go astray
But it always seems to happen when it's you that has to pay
Why is life so cruel sometimes it's already full of stress
Now because of the wind its your hand you have to dress
Take more care on your next outing make sure your fates not sealed
Or maybe have a drink at home when your hand has healed
I know it is annoying and your thinking that winds a ****
And how upsetting it must be with making your hand blunt
Please keep up your optimism I know sometimes it's not easy
And **** the ****** stupid wind for making you feel queasy
You'll be back in action and soon your hand will begin to bend
And at least you are recovering and your hand is on the mend

I noticed on social media there was something not quite right
A small piece of information that was taken out of sight
I know your trying to hide your status for your own approval
But it isn't all that subtle with your date of birth removal
Your only drawing attention to yourself by removing your true age
When your friends and family are viewing your social page
Maybe it's because your approaching an age you want to hide
Because it is significant with protecting your own pride
Perhaps it's banners and the glitter that your trying to avoid
But isn't it your own mind that is getting paranoid
It really is not that bad and the removal is just naughty
Just because you nearing middle age and your nearly forty

An academic of high proportions is sweeping across the nation
Chicken restaurants have closed doors no ones at their frying station
If you want chicken that is fried I'd advise you of hesitation
And don't make Kentucky your port of call choose a different destination
Don't be upset with Colonel Sanders with his limited creation
Just because you can't get your fix of chicken spiced sensation
I know that you're not happy but its not worth the frustration
It doesn't make much difference with no chicken designation

Okay I can understand the disappointment that you may feel
When you can't obtain a Bargain Bucket or a Zinger Meal
With chicken stuck in warehouses due to D.H.L's stuck wheel
But the lack of chicken delivery is really no big deal
What's the point in calling the cops come on folks get real
What do you expect them to do go on a chicken steel
There meant to be the boys in blue it's not for them to heal
The restaurants will be open soon there's no need for you to keel

I don't know why your so upset with the closer of KFC
With restaurants closing in the U.K. and across the whole country
Their only shut for a few days so there's no need for your plea
Fried chicken will be back soon at least to a degree
The lack of chicken shouldn't ruin your night why don't you let it be
There are other places you can eat so it doesn't bother me
The fryers will be fired up again just you wait and see
So there is no reason for this outcry I hope you will agree

Why are people driving miles just for the taste of a finger licking
There's more to life than spicy wings or pieces of fried chicken
Don't waste time on closed chicken shops your launch times are just ticking
Give Pizza Hut or Macdonald's a chance there's more restaurants for the picking
People trying to charge large amounts with Bargain Bucket tricking
Don't try and rip people off with fried chicken Ebay clicking
Isn't there more to worry about than Kentucky chicken sticking
Don't be a silly Turkey or Bernard Matthews will come back kicking

Offensive words are not offensive if you analyse the meaning
Why are these words taboo why do they deserve a screening
All language is perspective there's no word that needs redeeming
Rude words are quite essential they don't need a purge or cleaning

Otherwise how would we describe thing's that are part of evolution
Certain words are always used so what is the solution
Don't be offended when they are said even with a substitution
I don't think what's classed as filthy words is offensive or pollution

Thousands of years these words have been used so why even be offended
If we are not supposed to use these words why have they been invented
Just because they are deemed rude and some are then resented
No one has to be prudish because that's not what is intended

People are preprogrammed because they are linked to a ****** act
But isn't that just natural and a periodic fact
When certain words are spoken we're expected to react
There's no need to take offense when it's knowledge that is lacked

People should embrace these words not hide behind a misdemeanour
There is no need to sensor these words or make them any cleaner
If you consider history there was nobody much keener
We may think attitudes have changed but really their just meaner

The ****** act is littered with so called offensive words
But sometimes these are toned down to the bees and birds
Words altered to metaphors by all the prudes and nerds
If they are offensive then why are babies born in herds

Offensive words are not offensive it's okay for self expression
If you want to say these words then its hardly a regression
Don't be put off by closed minds or anyone's aggression
Centuries old of ancient text should not cause anyone depression

If you want to say **** me then that's perfectly okay
And if you want a **** up your **** then just do it that way
There's no shame if you like ******* **** or if you ******* gay
And you like *** which most people do then say what you want to say

If someone calls you a ***** or **** well so ******* what
Their only ****** jealous because they haven't got what you have got
It's up to you how you express yourself when you ***** the honeypot  
Or if your ***** is well used then it must be ******* hot

If you want to go for a slash it's okay to say ****
If you prefer to say **** instead of ***** well it is what it ****** is
There's nothing wrong with saying **** its not for me to diss
It doesn't matter if your a ****** I'll just give your **** a kiss

So ******* to the prudish and **** all the pretence
There is no reason not to use these words there not really that intense
All words are there to be used without any caused offence
Stop taking offence with certain words there's no need to be so dense

These words are not offensive and there is nothing to fear
Don't sit on the fence when they're used year by year
Please reconsider your position even if its at the rear
words considered to be rude are something to hold dear

Offensive words are not offensive and let me tell you why
Open your mind to these words all you have to do is try
You don't need to be offended lets dispense with the outcry
Explanations of these words may make you laugh or sigh

**** or ******* is fun and also the act of copulation
If nobody had a **** we would have a depleting population
Where would the human race be or the next generation
Or a fun part of you life if we ceased in life's creation

An **** is just your bottom the part that allows you to sit
Its even an outlet for excess waste but that parts really ****
If your *** is your **** side then I'll have a steak in it
And the good thing is it isn't far from your **** or ****

It's okay if you have a **** its only *** relief
Being a ****** is not that bad despite the miss belief
Its up to you if you want to yank on your own hard sheaf
Don't take any notice of the ******* it only causes grief

**** is considered to be worse but I'm not sure about that
All it is, is a vaginal tunnel or a sweet tasting ***** cat
What is so bad with a ladies **** don't be a ******* ****
Cos most men desire re-entry to cover there cocked hat

******* is not offensive it's just a childs fathered ***** dad
Having a **** is okay in fact you will be glad
There's nothing wrong with **** its just a **** that you have had
If you think Offensive words are offensive then you must be mad

We used to know a fellow a happy sort of chap
A stocky short black gentleman with an accent and a cap
He'd come around to our house with bottles in a bag
He'd arrive ****** up sometimes that was the only snag
We'd open the door and he'd say "I'm not stopping long"
But he could be there a week so that statement would be wrong
He'd have a drink with our dad they'd both be on the whisky
My dad would then fall asleep but he would get too frisky
Dancing about and laughing he would utter "gizz a kiss"
He would always try it on when he was on the ****
The trouble was he was the kind who was always on the lash
I guess that's why when he got paid he never got the cash
Cos at the Duke of Wellington he had drinks on the slate
And his wages their diminished at an alarming rate
If we where out when he turned up I guess he didn't think
Instead of leaving it round the back he'd throw away the drink
We'd say "leave the bag on the bench under the window ledge"
But every time he would dump the bottles in some ******* hedge
He could be a pain sometimes but not the nasty type of drunk
My sister named an item after him something that was shrunk
Gizz a kiss was the name given to my sisters shrunken head
That thing really resembled him except it was small and dead
He had a little catchphrase when things would start to wain
But it would be amusing to hear him say "ooh da pain"
We had a bonfire one night and he danced around the flames
Like a red indian chief it was one of his drunk games
An argument with our neighbours outside our house one night
He took a swing and missed his punch during that stupid fight
He fell in a drunken stupor but he just laughed out loud
He landed in the gutter with a smile all black and proud
The case of the fight was decided by the justice crown
It was in the Guardian the local paper of the town
He was the unknown black man which was ridiculously absurd
That's what the newspaper's reported the funniest thing we've heard
Coz few people didn't know him well only one or two
He was a well known gentleman that a lot of people knew
From the cops to local publicans the news statement was just silly
Because the unknown black man was mr yen known as old Black Billy

What would I do in a certain area, how far would I go?
I'm not sure you'd be interested or you really want to know
I would try almost anything if it really took my fancy
But I would not be interested in a male or a nice boy nancy
Okay I would go round the back and enter through the rear
But I draw the line if it's a man because I am not that queer
The ladies are most welcome weather thin or fat
Extra body weight is good so I'll have a bit of that
An overweight fat heffer or a gal that's a bit thin
I'd be very family friendly if I could meet your female kin
It doesn't matter if your old or even a bit younger
As long as it's consensual and it feeds your desired hunger
If your not up for it yourself then maybe your mum is
Or if your mums not ready I can give your gran a kiss
Have you got a sister that may want to get on board
Or a handy cousin that can strike up a good cord
I'd consider female offsprings but I don't know if I aughter
But a slender touch would be nice if you have a **** daughter
Does your mum have a friend that may need servicing
Or your grans old folksy friends well just give me a ring
Any legal age is fine there are not many limitations
I'll wait and see if I get any offers or any invitations
If I don't get any invites well really that's okay
But anything could happen if things would go my way
I know it's quite unlikely to bag a minor star
If I had the slightest chance but I'd never get that far
I could really spice things up with Rosemary and Thyme
So I guess Felicity Kendal and Pam Ferris would be fine
Thing's could get exciting if you really want it to
Everything is possible we can do what you want to do
I don't mind if your not that **** or even a big faker
It makes no difference if your a *** kitten or a bad love maker
Michael Jackson said it don't matter if your black or white!
Cos you can't see colours in the dark and if your doing it at night
Certain thoughts I must convey that I just don't care to mention
I hope you catch what's in my mind my meanings full intention
I won't divulge my fantasies this is not the time or place
I'll only get into that if I meet you face to face
If we where to get together then it could be quite a hit
And if you want to get rude well I just wont mention it