We used to know a fellow a happy sort of chap
A stocky short black gentleman with an accent and a cap
He'd come around to our house with bottles in a bag
He'd arrive ****** up sometimes that was the only snag
We'd open the door and he'd say "I'm not stopping long"
But he could be there a week so that statement would be wrong
He'd have a drink with our dad they'd both be on the whisky
My dad would then fall asleep but he would get too frisky
Dancing about and laughing he would utter "gizz a kiss"
He would always try it on when he was on the ****
The trouble was he was the kind who was always on the lash
I guess that's why when he got paid he never got the cash
Cos at the Duke of Wellington he had drinks on the slate
And his wages their diminished at an alarming rate
If we where out when he turned up I guess he didn't think
Instead of leaving it round the back he'd throw away the drink
We'd say "leave the bag on the bench under the window ledge"
But every time he would dump the bottles in some ******* hedge
He could be a pain sometimes but not the nasty type of drunk
My sister named an item after him something that was shrunk
Gizz a kiss was the name given to my sisters shrunken head
That thing really resembled him except it was small and dead
He had a little catchphrase when things would start to wain
But it would be amusing to hear him say "ooh da pain"
We had a bonfire one night and he danced around the flames
Like a red indian chief it was one of his drunk games
An argument with our neighbours outside our house one night
He took a swing and missed his punch during that stupid fight
He fell in a drunken stupor but he just laughed out loud
He landed in the gutter with a smile all black and proud
The case of the fight was decided by the justice crown
It was in the Guardian the local paper of the town
He was the unknown black man which was ridiculously absurd
That's what the newspaper's reported the funniest thing we've heard
Coz few people didn't know him well only one or two
He was a well known gentleman that a lot of people knew
From the cops to local publicans the news statement was just silly
Because the unknown black man was mr yen known as old Black Billy

What would I do in a certain area, how far would I go?
I'm not sure you'd be interested or you really want to know
I would try almost anything if it really took my fancy
But I would not be interested in a male or a nice boy nancy
Okay I would go round the back and enter through the rear
But I draw the line if it's a man because I am not that queer
The ladies are most welcome weather thin or fat
Extra body weight is good so I'll have a bit of that
An overweight fat heffer or a gal that's a bit thin
I'd be very family friendly if I could meet your female kin
It doesn't matter if your old or even a bit younger
As long as it's consensual and it feeds your desired hunger
If your not up for it yourself then maybe your mum is
Or if your mums not ready I can give your gran a kiss
Have you got a sister that may want to get on board
Or a handy cousin that can strike up a good cord
I'd consider female offsprings but I don't know if I aughter
But a slender touch would be nice if you have a **** daughter
Does your mum have a friend that may need servicing
Or your grans old folksy friends well just give me a ring
Any legal age is fine there are not many limitations
I'll wait and see if I get any offers or any invitations
If I don't get any invites well really that's okay
But anything could happen if things would go my way
I know it's quite unlikely to bag a minor star
If I had the slightest chance but I'd never get that far
I could really spice things up with Rosemary and Thyme
So I guess Felicity Kendal and Pam Ferris would be fine
Thing's could get exciting if you really want it to
Everything is possible we can do what you want to do
I don't mind if your not that **** or even a big faker
It makes no difference if your a *** kitten or a bad love maker
Michael Jackson said it don't matter if your black or white!
Cos you can't see colours in the dark and if your doing it at night
Certain thoughts I must convey that I just don't care to mention
I hope you catch what's in my mind my meanings full intention
I won't divulge my fantasies this is not the time or place
I'll only get into that if I meet you face to face
If we where to get together then it could be quite a hit
And if you want to get rude well I just wont mention it

I wandered aimlessly alone on cobbled paving stones
Cracked streets of years gone by gray shaded overtones
As I walked into the night the sounds of breezy moans
The darkness of a stormy night those windy rainy groans
Swirling winds behind my soul went through my aching bones
Trees that swayed the fallen leaves pieces of broken cones
Sky's black with clouded memories cold and icy tones
I wandered aimlessly alone rowed houses of bricked clones

Endless streets before my eyes each corner turned in vain
Dampened footsteps on glistened shoes in the pouring rain
A man alone in a doorway bent hat torn clothes and cane
With distress He beckoned me I knew I could not refrain
His friend was lost he told me my trust he had to gain
In the coldness of the night I could sense his mental strain
His dog got free on that night anguish he could not retain
I said I would search for his friend I wandered aimlessly again

A shadow in the distance a glimpse of black and tanned
There was a German Shepard who stood there proud and grand
Within the mist it seemed to be the place where she did stand
And as I moved towards her I reached out my trembling hand
A sudden blink in my minds eye from that place she did disband
Puddles shimmered and lit the way on that eerie land
Following the litten mist a place so cold and bland
I wandered aimlessly alone a beach with fettered sand

Clashing waves of angry seas the darkness and the light
Movements in between the waves a figure pale and white
A strangeness I could not explain I knew things wasn't right
As I ran towards the sea I could see the struggling fight
A dog trying to save a drowning man is what I saw that night
I tried to rescue the man but I felt the water bite
Swept away he was gone I pulled with all my might
The dog was safe we walked together an old house came in Sight

An abandoned house by the beach all furniture in place
Dusty shelves and photographs and a chair with tattered lace
A picture of a man and his dog on the old bookcase
A familiar feeling came over me my heart began to pace
As I looked more closely I recognized the face
Memories of my past life now fallen far from grace
A cold nose nudged my arm then vanished without trace
My grave was then walked over my house with empty space

I felt a ghostly presence when I was stood upon that shore
And when I arrived at that house but I didn't knew what for
The abandonment of agony of everything I saw
Ghosts from the past colliding with times present law
I knew from that moment death had grasped me with its claw
My dog was my salvation when she gave me her warm paw
She stood waiting at the gates outside of heavens door
She led me of this physical plane I wandered aimlessly no more

Is there any more to life than the loneliness I feel
When walls fall down around your soul within a broken seal
Lost fragments start to fall apart when your life begins to peel
And complex layers are torn away high emotions they reveal
The pieces that are left behind those ones that never heal
Are brushed away forever lost when time decides to steal
There's always parts of your life when everything was real
But the goodness that you always had ends in a raw deal

The loneliness of a man who always walks alone
You can't help the way you feel when your on your own
Feelings remain even ones that are left under every stone
It doesn't ever go away although there's a change in tone
The love that's lost a desperate struggle is cut right to the bone
That's the way that love will go when its already been sown
The wanderings of a lonely man true feelings fully grown
all hope is lost when love migrates inside a different zone

Why do lovers become enemy's why do hearts and feelings drift
So many desperations when love begins to shift
Is there any reason for the pain or why love creates a rift
It should be your salvation and natures loving gift
when love is right and things are good it gives your mind a lift
But it always has to veer off coarse and sets your soul adrift
The loneliness of a man is bitter sweet and swift
Is there any reconciliation when broken hearts are miffed  

The loneliness of a man hurt suffered when hearts die
Nothing compares to the pain when your forced to say goodbye
If I could change the outcome if I thought chances where high
Opportunities are there to take so it's always worth a try
Maybe there's a fragment of hope until you ask me why
Time is wasting away and there are bonds that we can tie
Don't waste the time that is left so lets see eye to eye
Instead of the upset of life's loneliness heart's suffered and bled dry

No one should have no one,
to say good morning to
No one should have no one,
to come and talk to you
No one should have no one,
you should not be alone
No one should have no one,
at the end of any phone
No one should have no one,
to bless you when you sneeze
You shouldn't have to be alone,
when you've fallen on your knees
No one to have tea with,
or whisky for that matter
Everyone should have someone there,
even for a little natter
No one to share a problem with,
or even a laugh or cake
No one should have no one,
for anybody's sake
No one to make one day,
any different to the last
No one there to turn to,
when so many years have passed
No one should have no one,
when all is said and done
No one should ever be alone,
no one should have no one

The birthday song is not a song it's not even a small ditty
As it is only four lines long it's really rather ******
There isn't a good chorus so isn't that a pity
A catchy tune it has not got and the lyrics are not witty

This song's lyrics are so short and there all the ****** same
Apart from the 3rd line down when you substitute a name
Okay you say "Dear" instead of "To", but its still a basic frame
So this is not a song at all so why has it got the fame

It's no wonder people alter the words with monkeys in the zoo
And looking like these critters and smelling like them too
Or changed to bread and butter in the gutter or squashed tomatoes and stew
Because the song is so boring so what else can you do

Who the hell wrote this song was it someone who's autistic
Come on now lets be frank and a bit more realistic
If I where to write this song producers would go ballistic
I'd get thrown out of the biz and become a lost statistic

Just because it's your birthday I'm not singing about happy
People are compelled to sing when really its just ******
It's not the best song in the world I don't want to sound so snappy
The birthday song is full of crap just like a soiled *****

It's like we are pre programmed even Marilyn Monroe
To sing the ****** birthday song just for ****** show
But honestly this song is crap and it can surely go
And we can stop with the pretence and cease going with the flow

When your birthday does arrive and your expecting a big day
The time will come when you know your ears are going to pay
Cos someone's bound to start it with or without your say
Why does it have to be sung does it have to be this way

Singing the birthday song should not be a life compulsion
Don't succumb to the trend and quash your minds impulsion  
Stamp down on the process and enforce a song expulsion
Do away with this song and all of its revulsion

The birthday song is not a song when it's sixteen words long
Half of them are happy birthday that doesn't constitute a song
The wording is so ****** thin as thin as a snapped thong
And the musical arrangement isn't even strong

People should not sing this song not even a small bit
Why is it classed as a song we should stop singing it
Most of the words are the same and there is a lack of wit
So don't sing the birthday song cos it's not a song it's ****

So it is your birthday what do you want me to do
If your expecting presents then you'll have to join the que
If you want to indulge in cake then that's entirely up to you
But don't expect a big reaction not even one or two

Is the expense of all the gifts really justifiably
Most things produced these days are highly unreliable
Is the price that you pay realistic or even viable
Especially when toys break and the games are never pliable

Pressure put on the people when your birthday comes along
To purchase expensive items well isn't that just wrong
Those ripoff manufacturers they have been around too long
Your product pricing isn't reasonable or going for a song

I don't see why I should line the pockets of the rich
I'm not going to fall for their lies or even their crap pitch
They don't care if you are broke and you haven't got a stitch
Their only interested in your cash to make their fingers itch

Once high standards where placed with products that you bought
But now it seems the standard has dropped right down to nought
I can't see why the things you buy or the things that have been sought
Can't last beyond a reasonable time but it's the purchaser that's caught

You know as a manufacturer that your products we will buy
Particularly when a birthday comes and your prices are so high
The state of the items purchased well do you even try
I believe that your standards are all based on a deceptive lie

It's the same as Christmas time when high prices are then placed
But you know with desperation that your items are embraced
Even with substandard ways that never has been faced
Items break and you don't care as long as its not traced

If you think I'm being harsh then what do you expect
When your production is substandard and there is no real respect
If you had a conscience then customers you would not neglect
Instead of which its us that lose and end up in regret