Before our time slips away, we lose what we hold dear
Little peices of our lives, diminish year by year
Occasionally we may feel joy, with sprinkles of good cheer
You loved us through the ages, but you are no longer here

They say the dead can't hurt you, perhaps that is misplaced pride?
Cos at this current moment, there's a hollow space inside
I'll always feel a deeper pain, just knowing that you've died
You can't replace a missing link, wounds open and untied

I will remember all those times, that you and I have shared
And even if it is not shown, you know I always cared
Love it comes in many forms, worn hearts are easily teared
We cannot escape the emptiness, as none of us are spared

No matter what your destiny, no ego you will bruise
There is a path that we all walk, that nobody can choose
Life's like a melting iceberg, it drips and then we lose
We may all weep as puddles form, on rivers we all cruise

My thoughts will sometimes wonder, to the place where you may lay
And you won't be forgotten, I will think of you each day
If I could only tell you, if I could only find a way
To say that we all love you, before our time slips away

The day that you were taken, I don't mean to sound so callous
But just for once when you arrive, beyond that golden Palace
Saint Peter please lock up the gates, no drinks left in the chalice
You could then come back to us, our dearest Mother Alice

What has happened to assassins, why have they gone downhill?
Every target they aim for, they don't seem to fulfill!
Don't hire a bad marksman, don't ever foot the bill
They couldn't hit a pain of glass, stood on a windowsill

There is no rhyme or reason, why their not a slinging ace
Ironically a bleeding ear, improves your stupid face
A splash of red is excellent, with you it's no disgrace
The only thing that bothers me, it's in the wrong **** place!

Poor Donald may have earache, but no one gives a ****
This is a man who talks *******, who has no charm or wit
He should have bit the bullet, cos he is a *** head ***
Or dowse himself in flammables, and jump in a fire pit

What was the motivation, it's not really all that clear?
It should have been between your *****, instead of your fat ear
The reasoning I understand, cos we wish you'd dissappear
A successful hit would work the crowd, and everyone would cheer

Since gunners cannot do the job, they need a real good kick
Why did they miss that shredded wheat, on top of that blonde *****?
He must of been in earshot range, it really makes me sick
That he escapes from this ordeal, with only a small nik

Aim for that ****** comb over, with a steady arm and fist
Rheumatism is no good, nor is a broken wrist!
Knuckle down and fire your gun, don't act like you are ******
More practice would be better, to a gunman that has missed?

Take a note from Disney, don't try your useless luck
Classics are the way to go, you should've "Donald Duck"
Fall to your knees and kiss some ****, before you pass the buck
You're just a **** I guarantee, that no one wants to ****

You could've spared the bloodshed, but perhaps it was all for show?
It's a pity it weren't Robin Hood, he's a master with a bow
Instead of which you'll hear us chant, "ear we ******* go"
A wicked man will always reap, whatever he may sow

For all we know this blood letting, could be a public stunt?
Cos we all know you're nothing more, than a lying ******* ****
You're unscrupulous and self obsessed, and you pretend to be upfront
A little man with a large head, the size of an elephant!

Bad Assassins are among us, so let's try another plan
If you want to get up close, pretend that you're a fan
Ask him for an autograph, so you can reach your man
Whack that sucker with a conch, and a jagged frying pan

Remember when your president, you're just a Whitehouse lodger
Unfortunately we wasn't spared, the artful *******
Harassment gains the title of, a ****** Jolly Roger
No one wants advances from, a ***** balding codger

The assassins guild has gone to seed, they've really gone to ***
Why can't they fire a bullet straight, why aren't they a crack shot?
Who trains these individuals, because they seem to miss the lot?
Could it be David Blunkett, or a trigger happy tot?

Mike Tyson wants to bite your ear, because you're nothing but a chump
It's good to talk with old B.T. but Buzby's got the ****
Listen-ear when Arthur says, your a great stupid lump
We have no time or sympathy, for Gumpy Skunk Haired Trump

Would you tell me something, please don't keep me in suspense
I don't mean any upset, or make anyone feel tense
Usually I'm not bothered, I'll stay sitting on the fence
But for once, I just thought, I'd offer my two cents

I'm curious if you're aware, we're driven up the wall
Every time that you decide, to slow down to a crawl
Your almost paralytic, and you're never on the ball
We've seen slow moving objects, but you easily beat them all

Perhaps you are not conscious, and you aren't even awake?
Have you run out of petrol, have your pads seized on the brake?
There's nothing left in Staniforths, you've taken too much cake
Don't even get me started, on that stupid noise you make

I thought it was the Bisto Kids, who's come to join the party
The gravy's done, but just hold on, you need to be a smarty
We all know you will be first, because you're arty-farty
Your goal is a supper bowl, that's usually quite hearty

Let me tell you something, and I'll try to be precise
It's just a little peice of mind, a small piece of advice
Never hold your horses, if your sinking through thin ice
You'd only come a cropper, when it's us you sacrifice

You have this annoying habit, of just getting in the way
It's not even on occasion, because it happens every day
Do you have two broken ankles, are your feet stuck in set clay?
What exactly is the problem, what is causing the delay?

I suspect you may have parkinsons, or you're riddled with senility
Or are you attempting feebly, to Insult my sensibility?
Jesus Christ you've come too far, with inactive inability
The result of which is certainly, an impending liability

Why are you pacing back and forth, it's a cross contamination.
The last supper comes to mind, cos there is no explanation
If you scrutinise, I feel betrayed, with your food examination
You're like a giant tortoise, on a lazy stay vacation

We can't get to the cupboards, we can't open any door
The sideboard is a waste of time, your blocking every drawer
Sandwichs are on the move, crumbs fall down on the floor
Place your bread on porcelain, that's what the plates are for

Do I have to grow carbuncles, while I stand about and wait?
We don't need a running commentary, of what's on the buffet plate
It takes the **** at ten o'clock, when you stared out at eight
A Standing Charge should be enforced, set at the highest rate

Six eggs in a basket, what's in the cooking ***?
Tomatoes on a flat bread, thats a lovely fresh shallot
Potatoes with warm butter on, we're hoping they stay hot
I think I better call the Doc, and he will say Great Scott

Maybe you can't help yourself, and this is not your fault
But come on now it don't seem fair, when it causes a revolt
Is there any reason, why you're grinding to a halt?
You need a ******* cattle ****, or a massive lightning bolt

There doesn't seem much point to this, when everything's so slow?
You seem to be oblivious, and you don't even know
Will you collect two hundred pounds, somehow I don't think so
A Monopoly on standing still, cos you never will pass go

An arcade with all the classics, is where you ort to be
Then you could indulgence yourself, in a forgone guarantee
Mommy quick, I just can’t wait, give me a 50p
I know it will be challenging, to a very high degree

First there will be Pac-man, in a geriatric aider
Power pills will be no good, if your a ghostly masquerader
Donkey Kong will wait to long, for the dithering crusader
But your stuck and you've become, the ultimate Space Invader

Around the world in 80 days, there simply is no chance
***** Fog would just say no, without a second glance
You always appear stationary, and you're usually in a trance
If we started off from Dover, we would never get to France

The balloon would just come crashing down, because the airs gone cold
Rheumatism would set in, as Mr fog turned old
Poor Phileas would lose his hair, his head would just be bald
You'd make him wait, you'd seal his fate, his youth would be annulled

You've mastered the pure artform, of the dawdling Dilly-Dally
Good job your not a *******, in a seedy dark back ally!
I wouldn't dare to enter you. . . in our local summer rally
You'd only stop to analyse, the foliage in the valley

Don't hang around indefinitely, because we're all getting thinner
A hot meal would be nice, instead of a cold dinner
Be courteous to others, and we're onto a sure winner
It isn't very popular, when it's you that is the sinner

I sat here waiting patiently, so what's it all about?
Sunday launch took far too long, oh come on you old trout
You cannot reach a bean or pea, or a single brussel spout
**** this **** I'm off to bed, I'll ****** go without

Why are you so meticulous, cos it causes so much friction
To be frank when your a guest, it's not your jurisdiction
Its utterly ridiculous, but I will stand by my conviction
Please vacate the area, and get out my ******* kitchen

Stop hovering around the hob, and by the feeding trough
Your slower than a garden snail, your like a wingless moth
If I wasn't such a gentle soul, I'd tell you to *******
Perhaps your part Banana slug, and the slowest Three-Toed Sloth

Have you ever had that feeling, when frustration is let loose?
Or an awkward moment, that has really cooked your goose?
You cannot save my Bacon, if my hands are full of juice
My heart sinks when butting heads, are too close to the noose

When your waiting for your breakfast, and you're driven to the brink
Just because there are those minds, that hardly ever think
Do I have to sit and fester, cos my digits ******* stink
I'm being blocked from running taps, and every ****** sink

There wouldn't be a problem, if there were no kitchen clinger
What the hell there is no chance, when certain parties linger
Never mind my sopping palms, or my little pinky finger
The lavvy's always occupied, and the bathroom's a dead ringer

Greasy paws are not ideal, when all taps are obscured
And my plight to being clean, is simply being ignored
Out of three there seems no way, that one sink is secured
Don't mind me it's just my house, but even that is flawed

Why do you have to dawdle, like a sunken ocean liner?
And use the kitchen like it is, a ****** all night diner
Don't mess with me and I promise, I won't become a whiner
There are some chairs and I can't think, of anything that's finer

It's not as though there is no room, and you're stuck on the ceiling
Why are you standing in the way, like you are Dolly Dealing?
I'm sorry but I don't find, my dripping hands appealing
That's when I abruptly realised, that I had that sinking feeling

You'll always be my precious one, you know I really cared
I think about the times we had, and all the love we shared
Why does our health diminish, why could you not be spared?
I hope there wasn't any pain, I hope you wasn't scared

You seemed to age quite rapidly, I watched you go downhill
The struggle of the last few weeks, I knew you were quite ill
You fell into eternal sleep, it was such a bitter pill
And I would do most anything, for you to be here still

Why is life so hurtful, why do loved ones have to leave?
Most of the time feelings suppressed, but all the time we grieve
Another peice is torn away, which pain cannot deceive
Lonely feelings cloud my mind, but that's all I can achieve

My precious one I'll miss you, I wish you were still here
Losing you is deeply felt, with all that I hold dear
Since you left, your in my mind, with every single tear
You would lay right by your side, and I would feel you near

You're no longer on the sofa, or waiting by the door
The bowls will leave an empty space, upon the kitchen floor
A wagging tail I will not hear, and chews will be no more
No barking at the passers-by, or shaking of your Paw

Cupboards will be empty, they'll be no treats or bones
No more early morning walks, no turning of life's stones
A disused toy neglected, that a dog no longer owns
Time is hash on those you love, it only lends and loans

All I feel is emptiness, because I knew you would depart
You'll always be remembered, cos you're locked inside my heart
I'll keep you in my memories, so we'll never be apart
What I really want to do, is go back to the start

I know I'm being selfish, but I am far from done
There are more precious moments, and more days left in the sun
Another jumped in window, and more lengths to be run
So I will never be quite whole, without my precious one

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, what the **** do we have here?
Your designation is unknown, and it isn't all that clear!
Are you a Homosexual, or some kind of a Queer?
Maybe your a powder puff, who takes it up the rear?

I'm sorry Sam I'm not quite sure, what you are meant to be!
Are you a **** or a Tom cat, or combined he and she?
Things may change, but now you say, you are none binary
Just because there's fake options, which doesn't impress me.

You look like **** but that's okay, it clearly is your goal
And it is good that your outfit, looks like a toilet roll.
Do you stash a little Sam, or is there just a hole?
Or could you be a Nancy Boy, inside a Barbie Doll?

Why don't you wear a *****, you could join the local creche
It's better than that corset, because your pressing too much flesh
The bulging is not flattering, and it really does not mesh
Even Frank 'N Furter had panache, and his sausage is still fresh

The front is just disgusting, you simple have no class
You may think your being diverse, but really your just crass
Does being dull come natural, cos your like unpolished brass
What you say, well no one cares, so blow it out your ****

Your hardly inspirational, and your clothes look like a rag
A Wooly woofer comes to mind, so does a bent gay ***
Perhaps your just a fat guy, who is terrible in drag?
I don't think you are progressive, your more like a ******* lag

For ***** sake Sam it seems your cards, are missing from the deck
But it's said you were conceived, from a creature known as shrek?
Well, well, well if that's your source, then what do we expect
No wonder people look at you, and say "what the ******* heck".

Even ******* have some brains, it isn't all that tricky
But it's entirely possible, that your mother was Queen Vicky
Fairy cakes are the results, from monarch's and green dicky
Your nothing more than just a ****, and classed as a Doohicky

You'll never be a legend, and your hardly just a myth
Because your act is wooden, and your singing voice is stiff
I think I've found the answer, so I'll never plead the fifth
Since you are a mixture, your the legion of Sam Smith

Brother Jim we'll miss you, your the best we ever had
You was more than our big brother, When life started to turn bad
We lost our loving father, you were like a second dad
Now your gone there's emptiness, and I always will feel sad

Why do life clocks falter, Why does our time unwind?
It only causes upset, for the people left behind
You were very gentle, and you always were so kind
Our feelings are being tested, and our minds are misaligned

A pendulum that does not swing, A spring that has uncoiled
Rusted cogs that have now seized, will never be well oiled
The second hand's stop ticking, and a single chime is spoiled
You can't outrun life's passages, because time cannot be foiled

Chances are against us, and life is way too short
Time itself is by your side, until we all get caught
All of us are grateful, for your love and support
Because you took care of everyone, without a second thought

Rays of hope have left us, and everything seems grim
You are our dear departed, now the sunshine has turned dim
Each time you were needed, you would go out on a limb
There'll never be a greater man, than our loving brother Jim