Bare feet pad down stairs
A tea kettle murmurs
And in the darkness the loneliness for once
Comforts under the light of a single bulb

Here, in this place, time ceases and
Fatigue bears no claim and
The brash clutter of day is no more
Here in the in-between of existence

Where failures of the previous day refresh and
The imminence of the next's tasks does not yet hold
Here there is peace that sleep lacks
And a solitude fear refuses to enter

This is the refuge of sinners and saints
Where dreamers thrive and wise men seek

I'm here again and I wish I weren't
Stuck between abject apathy
And being overwhelmed
By everything set before me
Don't
Leave me here alone
To do this by myself
I need to know that you're here
To know that if I fall I won't be
Locked in this house alone
Caged and lonely
(I need to know that those I love love me)
(I need to live in their presence)
I don't need anything
But you here with me
Please stay by my side
And I can face it all

Sometimes I think that I'm free
That I've conquered the demons
And am on to bigger and better
Then something simple catches me off guard

"Where are you going?"
An innocent question from a  friend
And it's fight or flight
Those words drag me back, back, back

And how dare I let such ordinary things get to me?
Why can't I move on like everyone else clearly did?

Mother I cannot count on both of my hands
The number of times that I came to you
Asking for you to quiet my fears but instead you
Stole my words

Mother the number of tears I've cried
Is most likely still less than
The number of times I've come to you
With a problem or a worry and you
Made it about you

But Mother I remember when I told you
That I could not take this life any more
And you told me it was just a phase
And you left me to drown in the darkness
Alone

And Mother I recall clearly the day
When Father threatened to turn me
From house and home and you
Just stood there
By his side in silent agreement

And I guess that's the day where
The family house stopped being home
And you stopped being Mom
You might not have noticed it
I've called you many versions of mom
In varying languages
Because you're still a mom
But you're no longer mine

God knows how I wish you were because I miss my Mom

You are strong, dearest love
And you say you are better
That those wounds do not hurt
Any more
But I hear the way your voice quakes
When you say the word home

And you are brave, soul of my soul
When you bare your heart before men,
Those who have silenced it all these long
Years
Because your wild, beautiful thoughts
Tear you within until set free, voiced

And I cry, too, beloved heart
When you say that you love them
Those that caged and beat you
Nonetheless
Because through blood and fire
Family is still family

I was startled when
a friend told me that she
felt sorry for men and their
responsibility as head of family

As if the moment she got married
All choices and fiscal pressures
All control of her life
Would belong to him alone

And in that moment I suffocated
And something died inside me
That this brilliant beautiful creature
Longed for such a sedentary life
That she would willingly step into
Something so opposite to all of my desires
A life so at ease seems stagnant
Drowning, clipped and a locked cage
I’d rather be lonely than let my fire die
I’d rather struggle than not live life to the fullest